Top 24 - Gals

Tonight's Idol is the showdown of the females as the top 12 take the live stage for the first time, and I must say, after the disaster that was the majority of the male performances last night, I have high hopes (but low expectations) for the ladies. Let's get right to business.


Kristi Lee Cook- So I remember this girl from her earlier audition because she made a big deal about how she had to sell her horse to get to go to Hollywood or something. I'm like, bitch, you could have made money in other ways to pay your way...or better yet, if you love your horse so much, why didn't you just fucking ride it to the audition. Shut up. I also remember her cuz of her resemblance to Carrie Underwood, aka has blond hair. Anyway...she is singing that "Rescue Me" song that I'm not too fond of and that Amy Adams fucking rocked third season. She has a nice country twang to her voice and sings it decently, but with zero conviction. She jostles her head all around and ineffectively dances and makes terrified "deer-in-headlights" eyes to the camera every now and then. She has literally no inner organs, or at least her overall petite frame seems to suggest. She's wearing really confusing spotted jeans and a hideous gigantic bracelet which seems bigger than Randy's ever-growing collection of watches. Her singing, like I said, isn't bad, but it really doesn't have much "umph" to it. She only really sings four notes the entire time and only KINDA pulls of the belt at the end. You can tell she really wants to just let go and really get into it, but there is a certain level of shy reserve that's put up that really hinders the performance.

Randy makes note of how "crazy" the pressure is to perform in front of the entire world. He then laughs as he says it wasn't her best performance so far. Paula points out that she did a mediocre job, but then basically says that it doesn't matter that it sucked a little, cuz she went first...blah...blah....blah. NO! Don't try to defend her or give her a leg to stand on! It doesn't matter if she went first or last...if she can sing well, it shouldn't matter. Simon questions what is wrong with her, to which a petrified Kristi admits she's been getting over the flu or something that supposedly all the girls have caught (and even weirder, that none of the boys were sick). Simon then reads my mind and gives me what I've been waiting for by calling Kristi a robot, which more or less further establishes her persona as another Carrie Under-BOT.

My Grade: C+


Joanne Borgella- Next is this plus-sized model, that based on her appearance I have every expectation of being and awesome singer. She's gonna be singing that "I Say a Little Prayer For You" song that never ends. And just like nearly every other performance this season, it starts off very strangely without any real organization and it sounds like a mess for the first 10 seconds. I must say that I am quite disappointed. Joanna can not handle the low notes at all and she sounds very unsure of herself. You expect her to sing like the big soul diva she looks to be on the outside, but her voice more resembles that of an anxious 13 year-old white girl who has the supporting role in her middle school's spring musical. Her outfit is kind of cute, ignoring the obnoxious explosion of black ruffles erupting from her chest. And I swear, who ever arranges these songs on Idol needs some serious help, cuz this one volleys back in forth between verses and choruses and it feels all over the place and leaves poor Joanna floundering about in the middle hitting every note but the right one.

Randy says that it was "pretty good" but that she was very unsure of herself, to which Paula piggybacks and says that she needs more confidence. Hate to say it, but I agree and think that she let the nerves get the best of her. Simon is pussyfooting around though...he thought it sucked massively and that it was an "average cabaret performances of a cabaret song" which is basically, performing a bad song badly. Then there is a quick shot the audience where Joanna's terrifying father stares coldly at Simon and looks possessed, ready to throw his Bible at the judge and whoop some serious ass. I'm scared shitless.

My Grade: C


Alaina Whitaker- So unlike Joanna, the second I see this girl not only to I automatically assume that she will be a terrible singer, but I also instantly dislike her. She is the second Carrie Underwood clone tonight, and she looks and sounds JUST LIKE HER. She tells us that her birthday is tomorrow and that she hopes to get the present of not being voted off. NOT CUTE! Shut up! Annoying! Oh and she LOOOOVES shoes! Ug...not funny or endearing. It's weird though, while she talks, she dances between being sugary sweet and a bitch...can't put my finger on which! AG! Let me label you unfairly! Her singing...is actually quite good. She sings some song I've never heard of and aside from sounding a little to much like the Underwood, her performance is pretty flawless. She handles the low notes well and ignoring some unfortunate warbling that happens when she tries to do vocal acrobatics she has a damn good recording voice. She's wearing coasters for earrings and a pancake as a shirt, but it's all good.

Randy says that this is the "year of the young'ns" which I am automatically skeeved out by. Paula said she chose a good "feel-good song". She then gets momentarily inebriated and says: "Your proved that you come out here and you nailed it," which is a conglomeration of two or three separate comments are spliced together. Paula doesn't have time for sentence structure, people! She has a comeback to plan! Simon thought it was really good, even though he hates the song. Randy and Paula then rag on him for hating happiness. He says she is sailing through to the next round...and I agree.

My Grade: B+


Amanda Overmyer- "Skunk girl" as Sam so fittingly puts it, is the rocker of the bunch making Chris Daughtry seem like Britney Spears pre-children/marriage/alcoholism. What I like a bout Amanda is that aside from her hair problems and tendency to look a little like a pig sometimes, she is very very very down to Earth. She greets this competition with this "I'll do what I do, and if it ain't good enough, screw it" attitude which I love. I doubt that if she gets voted off she'll start hysterically bawling about how her life is over like some other contestants in the past. She comes out on stage with pseudo-Amy Winehouse hair. I am not terribly familiar with the song she is singing, but it involves thrashing guitars and scatting which is a little intimidating, if not scary. Her voice is good, but I feel that the song is too up-tempo and too jumbled to really give her a chance to showcase her talent. She does some fun shimming and then belts some kick ass notes near the end and all in all, I love her. I feel that she is genuine and very authentic in her image as a rocker, which is very engaging.

Randy liked it (duh) and wants a pair of the hideous patch-ridden pants she's wearing (ew). Paula loves "everything she does" and then passes out. Simon also loves her and thinks that she is authentic. He then begins to critique her for forgetting the words to which a delightful little spat between Cowell and Skunk Girl begins with her defending it as just being the song and criticizing Simon back for not knowing that. It's fun, it's cute and it's not completely beligerent (JACUZZI!). Simon loves her feisty attitude and so do I.

My Grade: B


Amy Davis- First thing I notice about this girl are the deep dark circles under her eyes. I know some people just have them and it's not their fault, but I still think it's weird and I irrationally dislike it. We are shown a clip of her dad being, as my friend Xtina so nicely puts it, a "nerd festival", wearing a shirt with his daughter's face (and unattractive eye circles) on it. LAME! She starts singing and it's completely off. She is singing "Where the Boys Are"...whatever. You can tell that she is trying to find the right key, because her voice keeps switching and going all over the place until it finally hits the right note and struggles to stay on it. Another astute observation by Xtina is that she looks like one of them old predatory cougar women who go to bars to pick up men, and when they realize no one will go home with them, get drunk and sing karaoke to passed out townies. She hits more off-notes then on-notes and she completely ignores the key change that takes place. She's a mess and it starts to sound less like singing and more like just talking loudly into a microphone. And she knows she's bombing and it's actually kind of hard to watch. At the end, she holds a long note and her face convulses a little and it's freaky.

Randy said it was "not great"...cuz it was bad. He makes a good point and says that she had trouble "scooping" up to the right note, which is dead-on correct. She tried to go from low notes and tie it up to higher notes, but she hit all the wrong notes on the way up and all the notes were sad and then they all committed note-suicide together before being put into a giant mass note grave. Gee...good going Amy Davis. There is a shot to her "nerd festival" father in the audience wearing another lame iron-on shirt with her untalented daughter on it. Paula says that the camera lovers her...aka she's a bad singer. Basically, this means she's this season's Haley Scarnato who can't sing but looks hot in non-pants, so it's ok. Simon said it was boring and cabaret and he doesn't waste anymore breath on her.

My Grade: C-


Brooke White- She's all smiles. She's a sweet girl. Very Earthy. She probably shops at Whole Foods and loves organic farming and her parents probably raise horses or goats or something. With her crinkle blond Ramen hair and her goodie-goodie demeanor she bops about on stage singing "Happy Together". But unlike David Cook from the night before that did a rock remix of that song, Brooke will be doing a much calmer folkier version. Her voice is good and her teeth are huge, but she just seems a little lost on the stage...like she doesn't know what to do with her hands or her body so she just kind of sways back and forth and looks a little uncomfortable.

Randy thought it was a little rough at first, but then "slayed" (!?!) it near the end. Paula thought she picked the perfect song. Simon starts to play devil's advocate tries to lure Brooke out of her cutesy and innocent demeanor. She's not having it though...she's all sunshine and rainbows! Simon thinks she is too blond and too happy...to a sickeningly sweet extent. He says he wants her to start being a drunk skank and she giggles and I throw up.

My Grade: B


Alexandrea Lushington- Aside from having the coolest name ever, this tomboy (lesbian?) from the streets comes out on stage in a wild hip-hop inspired outfit with suspenders, a graphic tee, ugly sneakers and one large peace sign earring. She begins her performance cascading down a staircase pointing at the camera and throwing all sorts of sass around the room. She has an incredibly strong and direct voice that hits the notes spot-on. The first half of the performance is stellar and I am thoroughly impressed. It's nice to have a completely different style of song amongst all the acoustic guitar anthems and snail-slow ballads. She then starts to try and go high, but kind of realizes that it isn't working, and it gets a little messy. GIRL! Stay in your lower register! You are much better there! She starts to dance and shit, but the ending still gets a little fucked when she again tries to hit high notes that she physically can't hit.

Randy thought it was perfect...which is a little over dramatic. Paula was glad that she actually thought about the performance and didn't just go out there and stand around and look awkward like Brooke. Simon actually hated it though. He thought it belonged in a terrible "60's musical" and that the performance had zero relevance to today. I don't agree with that either...she was amazing, but she wasn't awful...wow...for once I actually agree the most with Paula. I don't think this has ever happened before.

My Grade: B


Kady Malloy- So Carrie Underwood clone #3 is the girl that does spot-on Britney Spears impressions. We are shown a clip of her singing that terrible "I'm a Slave 4 U" song and it is scary how good she really is at sounding like the fallen pop star. In her video she is fun and cute, but when the song starts she is seated at the stool of death a misery. "A Groovy Kind Of Love" is what she is singing and unlike her video, she is vapid and boring. Her voice isn't bad, but it is incredibly dull and very old-fashioned. She sounds waaaaaaaaaay too decrepit for someone her age (I think 18?). Her sparkle lipstick is distracting as well. I dunno...I think the problem with tonight is with the talent, since many of the girls are good singers, but their song choices are horrendous. They all are picking these slow-ass songs that don't allow them any way to showcase their vocal talents.

Randy thought it was "just okay" and that she held back a little too much, which I concur with. Paula turns into a bobble-head and starts rambling about how she didn't have fun tonight whatever whatever. Simon said that it was "Night Of the Living Dead" which is hilarious. He then says that she is a way better singer and person when she is pretending to be Britney Spears and that her impressions are more memorable than her actual singing. He claims that she has a personality equivalent to that of a pencil. Ha! The audience gets really quiet and hushed and everyone is all like "Uh..uh...no he didn't!". She looks upset and I don't care cuz her name annoys me. BYE!

My Grade: C+


Asia'h Epperson- I guess this is the season of bizarre-ass names. We are reminded that this poor girl lost her dad three days before her initial audition. It's sad and proves that she is a real trooper which automatically endears me to her. She comes out pulling a "Skunk Girl" and sings Joplin's "Piece of My Heart." She's wearing the rings of Saturn as earrings. It's pretty decent. She tries to give this classic rock song a modern day, pseudo-urban twist that only partially works. She has really great stage presence and no amount of stage fright in her, which is refreshing considering many of the contestants tonight were as shaky as leaves in a hurricane. My only real complaint about the performance is what seems to be Asia'h's inability to say the "H" in "heart". So throughout the entire performance she is saying "Take another little piece of my art," and it's distracting. But she still sings her ass off and ends the song belting and doing some really soulful deep runs that are really impressive. I really like her and I think she'll make it to the top 12, easily.

Randy "loved it" and Paula said that she looked as though she had fun...great comment Paula. Simon makes the bold statement that she is by far his best singer in the competition so far and that he is really glad that she let go.

My Grade: A-


Ramiele Malubay- Once again...WTF is with the name? Whatever. I think this girl is from the islands for some shit...she has an exotic Asian look to her...blah blah...she's kinda pretty but has ugly ass plastered grease hair. I find her to be kind of irritating for a reason I have yet to really understand. Her singing voice is good though and she belts her way through "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me". What's weird is that for being such a small petite girl, she has a loud, strong voice. I feel that her and Joanna should have their voices switched to match their bodies. She pretty much hits every note and run and belt perfectly and is damn near flawless. I felt that the performance was a little too "by the book", being a little too perfect, even featuring the Mariah Carey hand spasms.

Randy thought she had great control and that she did really well. Paula, who I just notice now is wearing a black and white footlocker/BeetleJuice shirt, doesn't really say anything whatsoever. Simon admits that he thought she was an annoying little wench when her first saw her, but now dares to say that she is the best so far tonight. She smiles and looks cute and (damnit!) is actually very endearing! NO! I so wanted to hate this girl, but am I possibly actually starting to like her?!?!? AH! I am so emotionally torn!

My Grade: A-


Syesha Mercado- I remember this girl because of her sassy attitude, kick ass voice and her legs that go on forever and ever. She is singing that "Tobacco Road" song that really forces the singer the dive into their lower range. But is Syesha scared? FUCK NO! She handles the lows perfectly and makes awesome eye contact with the camera and has so much confidence on stage that she looks as if she's been doing this for 30 years. She belts. She runs. She sasses the way you expect her to. What I like most about her is that she isn't just singing the song...she is actually becoming the song, grooving this way and that. She's confident but not cocky and she is the most "real" contestant I have seen so far this competition. Can you guess I like her? She kidnaps, holds hostage and murders the end of the song (in a good way) and personally books 23 plane tickets home for the other contestants.

Randy thought it was "a little pitchy" which is complete bullshit. He liked it though, as did Paula who apparently is so impressed that she is convulsing in her chair and can only muster up enough sanity to spout out an occasional word...what I can decipher, she says "Joyful.....FUN.....BIG!" Simon takes over and said that even though this isn't her best performance so far, she is still one of the most talented singers in the competition and that she was terrific. YAY!

My Grade: A


Carly Smithson- Yeah, yeah, yeah...there's all this controversy about this girl concerning the fact that she used to have a record deal, but no one liked it and it kind of fell through. Who cares? Whatever. She's not rolling in dough and she isn't currently signed to a label, so everyone stop giving this girl such a hard time. Carly is a spunky, yet dignified young lady who owns a tattoo shop (and has a sleeve of ink on her arm to prove it). She is absolutely fabulous in that she has this wild side to her that you expect from someone with all those tattoos, but when she speaks, she is very proper and sweet and approachable. I instantly love her. She is really pretty in her own unique way, with slick black hair, a paler complexion and penetrating eyes. She sings "The Shadow of Your Smile" by Tony Bennett and in all seriousness, she sounds like a professional...partially because she is one, but whatever! I don't know the song at all, but she emotes it in such a way that I really get into it. She does look a little witch-like when she belts and scrunches her eyes and more or less unhinges her jaw, but it doesn't detract from the fact that she is incredible.

Randy thought it was the best vocal from the top 24 so far (good call) and that it was "blazing hot." Paula makes some weird statement that may or may not be in reference to Carly's Irish heritage and says that she's the "lucky coin in the pocket." Simon then completely surprises me when he actually says he "didn't get it" and admits that he was disappointed with her performance due to all the buzz about her. I totally disagree. I feel like with all this press about her, she really needed to come out there and prove to the world that she is deserving of this title, and I think she did just that. So whatever Simon. And even throughout his criticism, Carly remains composed and sweet and humble. LOVE HER! LOVE HER! LOVE HER!

My Grade: A







Safe?
- Asia'h Epperson for doing Joplin proud (sans inability to pronounce "heart") and for having a heart-breaking sob story.
- Syesha Mercado for kicking everyone's ass and still being a sweetheart.
- Carly Smithson for being edgy yet not annoying, sweet yet not phony and for just being a great singer (regardless of what Cowell says).

In Danger?
- Joanna Borgella for not delivering the diva performance we were expecting.
- Amy Davis for not being able to stay in the key of the song.
- Kady Malloy for being boring and not singing like Britney Spears (did I really just say that?).