Andrew Lloyd Webber night....hm...should be exciting, though I do wish they opened up the theme to be Broadway in general...but hey, ALW is good enough I guess. I don't know why people are always hating on him, but I like "Phantom of the Opera" and all those other musicals he wrote. Well...here we go...
David Archuleta- So the intro videos tonight consist of the Idols meeting ALW (who is quite mole-ish) on some huge-ass stage in the middle of an auditorium. It kind of looks like where they always have the season finale of the show and where Kelly Clarkson recorded her crappy video for "A Moment Like This". Anyway puppet David bounces out on stage and ALW informs us that he will be singing "Think Of Me" from "Phantom of the Opera". That song seriously kicks ass. Originally sung by Sarah Brightman in the original cast, ALW says that the song is meant for a diva. It's completely apparent that ALW isn't too thrilled about David singing this, considering that he says seriously like four times in one sentence how he can't imagine a boy attempting it. David is all like "I'm scared all the time, but I'm cute, and I'm singing the song differently and stuff," and ALW is like "well, I never thought I'd hear something like THAT in all my life" and then he punches him in the face. Then comes the first of many critical comments encased in a snide delivery: He says he has two bits of advice for David...1. open his eyes, and 2. open his eyes. Ha. David laughs and says that he doesn't want to open his eyes! Yeah! ALW says that "little David" has a real "musical soul" to him, or some crap and then says that he just must keep his eyes open. ALW couldn't possibly watch someone sing with CLOSED EYES!?! "Are you crazy? How can you watch someone with closed eyes?!?!?!?...like, I don't know what backwards-ass Podunk town you grew up in...but here, in L.A. we sing with our eyes OPEN. Thank you indeed."
I am excited to see David sing this, mainly to see if he does the awesome high-notes and scales at the end of the song, which I know he won't, but I still build myself up to believe he will attempt. I immediately have mixed feelings about the song. There is an acoustic guitar player strumming along and the beat that David starts singing on makes the song sound less like an Andrew Lloyd Weber tune, and more like some sort of gentle-urban-boy-band-ballad-with-Latino-roots. He is wearing a confusing get-up consisting of khakis, a short white button-down, a thin black tie and a homeless man's jacket. I love how they try to dress the little Muppet up in these clothes as if it won't make him like ten anymore. He does some nice ad libs to some lines...extends notes, throws in some cute runs...it's nice. Getting over the fact that I feel like his arrangement of the song pales in comparison to the awesomeness of how the original was sung, he does add some sweet soul charm to it that I think more or less works for him. And good work ALW in stapling Archie's eyes open...they are quite beautiful. He looks a little frozen in his tracks. To his left there is this funny little conductor men bouncing up and down and his position on the stage is completely unnecessary, but they pimp him out there anyway because it's BROADWAY!!!! Then David more or less flubs a line, but wisely (or luckily?) his voice goes low so it sounds more like he is just hitting some indistinguishable notes as opposed to butchering the lyrics (oh...that will come later...mwuahahahaha). Then David throws in some words that seriously never show up in the original song ("Think of me, no matter what I choose to doo-oooo-ooooo")...then there's the build-up for the awesome high-pitch scales and of course he doesn't do it, but instead does some belting runs and it's cool I guess.
The audience claps like seals and we see ALW in the audience (not at the judge's table?!?!) and he looks terrifying and pissed. Randy thinks that he can sing anything (even the phonebook!?!?). He liked the soul infusion he injected into the song...he says David's "the one to beat". Blah blah. Paula thinks it's perfect...he took a risk and she loved that she turned it into a pop ballad. I don't, but he still sang well. Simon thought it was pleasant...one of his weaker performances though. I can concur to that. He'll be safe, but it was slightly forgettable, I hear ya Simon.
My Grade: B+
David Cook- He will be singing "Music of the Night" which is like the calling card for "Phantom of the Opera". He grew up doing musical theater...so blah blah. ALW starts to come onto Cook and is all like...this song is sexy...NOW SING IT TO ME! It's vaguely creepy and Cook is beyond skeeved out. ALW then tells Cook to have sex with underage girls and Cook's all like...what? Cook admits that "staring longingly" into ALW's eye wasn't the most comfortable of situations and ALW thinks that if he "comes out of himself" it MIGHT work. Gee...don't be too confident in him, ALW...ha.
Cook is wearing what looks to be baggy pajamas and an ugly coat. His voice right from the get-go irritates me slightly. Whereas Archuleta sang the song a little too differently, Cook is singing this just how the Phantom does. Even his voice sounds different tonight...like he is trying to make it sound like Gerard Butler from the movie. I dunno...I openly admit that I am overly critical of him. He hits the big note in the middle dead-on and makes that weird wind-blown face. It's weird to see David singing a slow song like this without a guitar or any of the usual get-up he brings along with his performances. A little boring, I still think he sang it well. Especially when he says "music that [pause] I write". mmm...good! He belts at the end and throws his goofy rocker thing in there.
Randy thought it was "amazing" and "unbelievable" which I think is going a little far. It was a "molten-hot-lava-bomb" to be specific...thanks Randy. Paula thinks he has a great "instrument"...haha skank. Simon hates this goofy fake side of David (isn't that every side?) but thinks that he did the best that he could do with it. Then Ryan sings and it's not as terrible as one may think. Blah.
My Grade: B
Syesha (super)Mercado- So she will be singing some song I've never heard before..."One Rock & Roll Too Many"??? No idea, but after hearing her just sing the title of the song...I'm in love. She tells us that she LOVES Broadway and glitz and the delicious flamboyancy of it all. She asks ALW if she should be "animated and stuff" with her performance and he's all like "duh". She then snaps back and is like "well...this is American Idol...not Broadway, you hack," and he asks her to shut the fuck up and then sing both versions. The American Idol version is boring and lame and uninteresting and of course, the Broadway version is stellar and ALW is all like "choose the latter."ALW actually looks really excited and thinks that Syesha is gonna rock this bitch and make it funny and lively and witty and engaging...all things that American has been missing this season. You know...side note...if they kept David Hernandez, you would have had the sassy spice...but America sucks and would rather keep Kristy Lee Cook around to must up the place. Boo!
I digress though...Syesha starts what will soon become one of my fav Idol performances EVER on top of a piano. Her back is to the camera and all we see is her silhouette. Like a scene from "Chicago" she casually starts snapping her fingers before singing and then she does this sexy little spin and BAM! Wow...she looks flawlessly gorgeous. Like a prom night Rihanna, her hair is slicked down and her ta-tas are popping out of that sweet little dress she's working like a model. Mmmm....maybe she won't be boring this week! She makes these cute little faces and puts her hands up and is animated and wonderful. It reminds me of Kelly Clarkson's "Stuff Like That There" from first season, where she got all dolled up and really worked the song. Unlike some other contestants, Syesha isn't just singing some stupid ALW song...she is really performing it. She then gets on her knees and slides off the piano, which I was wondering how she was gonna handle considering her dress is mad short and uh...she can't stay on the piano all performance. Her tone is jazzy and sexy and she has these wonderful little belts every now and then. She twists and shimmies and shakes and flirts with the conductor and homeless guitar place. There is an awesome key change with tinkering piano and it is all too much for me to handle. AHHHHHHHH! By far my favorite performance this entire season!
Randy is smiling like a perv and thinks that she could be a Broadway star and that it was her best performance so far. Paula thinks that this is a "big part of her love" and that this is her "happy place"...uh...huh...Paula, we're not five. And we're not retarded. We are not retarded five-year-olds. Simon thought it was steamy and hot but not slutty. He thinks it's one of her strongest performances and then she grimaces for some reason. Paula starts to say something and the music cuts her off...she then flirts with the conductor...shut up! Talk more about how perfect Syesha was!
My Grade: A+
Jason Castro- Song Jason will be singing "Memory" which, I think considering Jason's singing style is seriously the only song from ALW's cataloge that would fitting for him. It's quiet...it's kind of weak...it's not too difficult. ALW starts laughing at him...haha. He tries to explain the context of the song to Castro...it's about cats singing for some reason...confusing enough as it is, but throw in Castro's perpetual state of being high and no one knows what's going. ALW is a queen and starts to 2nd guess Castro's intelligence and it's funny. He thinks Jason has made a very brave (aka stupid) choice to sing this song and he admits that he doubts Castro heard a single thing he said. Ha. Castro reveals that he's mad nervous...AW!
For once he isn't wearing women's blazers and is actually wearing a man's suit. He has on the tightest pants in the entire world. His voice is really whispery...like always. But it also has very little emotion behind it. I think that this is the first weeks where he is COMPLETELY out of his element...and it shows. He seems to over-think the performance and his voice just sounds shaky and vapid. He fails at the low notes. And he knows it's going down in flames. When he hits some higher notes, it sounds fragile and semi-decent, but all in all, this is a complete disaster. He looks constipated as well...like in pain, and it is too awkward and weird for me to handle.
He knows he's effed as he steps up to the judges. Randy thinks that it was a "trainwreck"...but likes that he has dreads? He sees him singing a Jack Johnson song better...Randy...it's Andrew Lloyd Weber week. Not Jack Johnson week. What's the point with this comment? Paula agrees and like she always does when she wants to say something critical, she starts blabbering about nothing. She says that everyone is used to hearing this song sung by a female balladeer and that since he isn't one, it didn't work. Okay Paula, but then how was Archuleta able to do it on a song that is five times more difficult than "Memory"??? She then turns it into a backhanded compliment that "further identifies his unique being"...what? She thinks it sounded like "You Are So Beautiful" and no one agrees with him. It was the longest two-minutes of Simon's life. He compares it to a forced wedding performance. Everyone was miserable and unhappy and that it was a struggle. And Castro never argues once.
My Grade: D+
Carly Smithson- So in an interesting bit of song choice...she will be singing "Jesus Christ Superstar". At first, she was gonna be singing "All I Ask Of You" from Phantom, but then ALW shot her down. And good thing...he thinks that because she has a "big chest voice" (heh) and that she should do something a little less wimpy. Ha. Good call. He loves Carly and her Irish eyes and let's get this shit on the road!
She comes out wearing some weird rug as a dress that I really don't dig. The horns start things up and Carly busts out with her brassy belting and she is dead-on for most of the song. She over-hits some of the notes and they make me cringe a little bit. All in all though...it's really good. During the chorus, the back-up singers sing the melody and she sings every other note and it's really awesome. There are hippy lights flashing all over the place and it's a flashy, glammy utopia. She belts real big at the end and it's good to see her really on point.
Randy thinks that it was good and that he loves her doormat outfit. Paula thought it was unexpected. She was a little nervous that it would be too high for her...and I'm like...Paula, you know nothing about music. Simon thought that even though it was quite screechy in some places, that it was one of his favorite performances of the night. Carly flips a shit cuz for once the judges are targeting her with heat-seeking missiles. She runs off stage and comes back with this shirt that reads "Simon Loves Me (This Week)" and it's cute and I still am kind of in love with Carly. Mmmmm...
My Grade: B
Brooke White- She will be singing one of my favorite movie songs ever! "You Must Love Me" written for the "Evita" movie is an absolutely beautiful (and heart-breaking) song and she better not mess it up...she meets ALW and looks really pretty. ALW thinks she sounds phony and tries to tell her about the story of the song and how depressing it is. Basically he wants to rain on her parade and make her sad and hate life. He thinks she could be a great actress or something. I dunno.
Ok...so here we go. The performance starts and she gets two lines into it. She then flubs some lyrics (barely though...like I wouldn't have even noticed) and she stops cold in her tracks and says sorry and signals the conductor to start again. It's awkward and very uncomfortable and when the song restarts, it doesn't get much better. Like, her voice is okay, but she just seems shaken and off her center. I remember her being such a confident performer, but recently, she's been getting so nervous. She lacks the power of her voice that she had earlier this season. She doesn't really handle the low notes well and she looks kind of clueless on stage. It's a shame, cuz I love this song and I think that if she was a little more focused, so could have totally brought it home. Not to pull a Paula, but she does look very pretty. She stands up near the end and holds her arm up in the air and it's rigid and weird.
Randy thought that it wasn't that good. He thought that she believed in what she was singing, which is good. Paula tries to pretend she's a real musician and is all like "you must never start and stop" and I'm like...what? Who are you to say that. If she wasn't comfortable, who cares if she starts over...it's better than continuing to mess up because you are so caught up on a bum note or effed um line. Paula then starts blabbering about her ability to pick up her pieces and that she didn't overact and that she appreciated how genuine her emotions were. Simon loved how dramatic it was but that it totally threw her out of her zone of confidence. He thinks Paula is wrong and that it was wise of her to stop and restart the song. Haha...then Randy chimes in and they both say that Paula is stupid. heheheh. It's true.
My Grade: C
Safe?
- David Archuleta cuz he's a CuTiE!!!!111!!!11!
- Syesha superMercado for delivering the best performance this season!
In Danger?
- Brooke White for flubbing lyrics and restarting and being scared crapless.
- Castro, opposite of Syesha, for delivering one of the worst perfomances this season
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Top 7 - Mariah Carey Songs
I don't think anyone would argue that last week's ousting of Michael Johns was a complete shocker. And also completely stupid...way to go America. I'm so glad will still have Kristy though...cuz like...she's not a bad singer or anything. Anyway...Tuesday was Mariah Carey night...which would seem to promise to be a bizarre, drug-induced slaughter....but in all honesty, it turned out much better than expected.
David Archuleta- David is grasped into the Diva's spidery embrace and the poor kid never even had a chance. He is so small and puppet-like compared to Mariah who towers over him like some sort of behemoth . And I swear that smile is permanently painted onto her face. David yaps about how scared he was to be in Ms. Carey's holy presence....blah blah...I have a feeling that the intro. videos this week are basically just going to be a collection of suck-ups for Mariah where everyone talks about how perfect she is in every way. David against reminds me why he shouldn't speak by waving his arms around and gushing about how much he loves Mariah's music...and the diva only looks semi-interest and plays with her hair. Like some sort of queen..."yes yes yes...I am done with you. Bring in the court jester!" Of course David is singing "When You Believe" which is kind of boring and totally cheesy. Mariah tells him to go up into his falsetto...which is actually a smart decision...I think that even though she's a little mental...she does know a thing or two about music....which automatically makes her a better guest judge than Jennifer Lopez from last season.
The performance starts zoomed in on the string section and they are ominous and terrifying. Aside from his plethora pants and awkward graphic tee, Archuleta delivers a decent performance. As always. His vocals are spot-on and he squats on the heavy belting notes and the background singers are swaying behind him. He looks on the verge of tears...as always, and doesn't really move around that much...because his father forgot the remote control today, and is forced to controlling David from above in the rafters with his ventriloquist strings. Near the end, David goes into his falsetto, and it's a little off at first, but then works itself out and is more or less alright. He then does this cute run at the end and stares dreamily into the audience. and all the little girls start to scream and blah blah. Problem with David is the same thing that I felt was wrong with Melinda Doolittle...very good singer, but the performances just started getting old after awhile. This feels like every other performance he has done...I dunno, maybe it's just because he chooses songs that all sound like one another, in that pseudo-made-for-TV-movie-theme-song kind of way.
Randy wants David to "check it out" and then says that he picked one of the hardest Mariah songs ever and he worked it out...and he can sing anything (probably even the phonebook!). Paula blabbers about Mariah being proud and beaming and whatevs. Simon, like me, knew that David would pick this cutesy cheesy song too. He thinks that the guys will have an easier time tonight, since they won't be in direct comparison to Mariah. Then Ryan comes out and embarrasses David and tells America that he doesn't eat. Weird?
My Grade: A-
Carly Smithson- So let me start this off and say that Mariah and Carly already have met each other...back when Carly had a record out and Mariah told her she was great. Ha...so the two of them pretend to have never met each other before. Funny. Mariah was so super excited to meet Carly...duh! So she will be singing the den-mother of all Mariah songs..."Without You" that Kelly Clarkson sang first season. That's how epic this song is...only Ms. Clarkson has dared to tangle with its venomous key changes and vicious long notes. But can she work it out? Mariah thinks so. Carly calls Mariah cute and a "big sunshine ray" and we are shown a shot of Mariah looking vapidly at Carly like a mannequin. FREAKY!
She is standing next the the piano and the entire stage is bathed in blue, including Carly herself. The performance starts very very controlled and subdued. It's low and gentle and Carly really pays attention to every note with great precision. Even when she starts to belt, she keeps in all under wraps. But then the drums beat in and she lets it all lose and starts to make the goblin-face. That aside, I think her voice is beautiful and she does some minor belting ad-libs which are nice. She ends the performance on an extended-rising belt note. Wonderful!
Randy likes that she challenged herself...but he really didn't like her lower range...not "loosy goosy" enough. What does that even mean? Paula thought that she showed vocal restraint...ok, I'll agree. She thought Carly made it her own AW! Simon wanted her to sing it, but he didn't think she pulled it off, to which Carly looks off into the audience like "of course." The audience knows this is BS...and the start booing and yelling and Simon is all like "What a surprise to hear you lot booing"...to which I say, "What a surprise, Simon, to hear you unfairly crap all over Carly, while giving positive praise to idiots like Kristy Lee Cook." He thinks she's over-thinking everything. Then Paula says "you need to trust yourself" and Randy is like "You can do it!" It's like...shut up! SHE IS A GOOD SINGER! I really don't get the judges with her...this seems like the perfect voice for them to exploit with crappy ballads and terribly music videos...why are they convincing America otherwise?!?!?!?
My Grade: B+
Syesha (super)Mercado- She is singing some song that no one knows called "Vanishing". Mariah wrote it when she was teenager, which I can't even imagine. Quick note: they don't hug when Syesha runs into the room. Ha! Mariah stares at her while she sings...then starts singing herself and hits some sexy low notes. Mariah thinks she will "swing it home" to which Syesha starts to say "Oh LO!" and I'm like....STOP DOING THAT! RamenNoodles Maboobaloo is gone and never coming back! And that little saying was never cute. Cut it the fuck out.
So let's see if America will be as uninterested in Syesha as Mariah was. She starts the performance staring at the piano player. SHe is wearing bizarre garish tear-drop earrings. Her voice is low and well-controlled. The first half is really really nice. But then she starts to belt, and like always, gets a little away from the notes, and starts to sound like she is yelling. But then she does multi-repeating, stuttering belt that ends in a high-note! So fucking hot! The performance suddenly ends and everyone goes apeshit.
Randy thought it was "the toughest song of the night"...Was it even a song? It just sounded like non-stop belting...oh wait, that's every Mariah song. Paula slathers all over Mariah and then says that "Vanishing" isn't well-known which allows Syesha to avoid being compared to Mariah. Simon thinks that it is technically "very good", but then says it is stupid that she picked a song no one knew. But shut up Simon...you know damn well if she was to choose a song like "We Belong Together" that everyone and their mom knows, that you would puke all over her and say that it pale by comparison to the original. Stop hating on the semi-decent singers and start shitting on Kristy. Please?!?!?
My Grade: B
Brooke White- Earlier Tuesday, I was talking with a friend and we were trying to imagine which Mariah songs each of the contestants were going to sing. We totally called Carly doing "Without You" and I was totes like, "I'll bet you anything that Brooke will sing an acoustic or piano-driven version of 'Hero'," and dammit, I'm right! Her video has her seated with her guitar (Ug!). We find out that the song was actually originally written for Ms. Gloria Estefan...that's until Mariah realized the marketability of the track and took it for herself! Peace out bitch! I'm the bigger DIVA! Anyway...she is counseling Brooke in how to hit high notes that she doesn't have. Brooke smiles and is like..."uh huh..." Mariah thinks she really feels the lyrics...and Brooke says she just wants to "be real". Whatever.
She starts at the piano and in all honesty...the first half of the song, I think, is very good. Not paying attention to her hideous glitter dress/shirt. Her vocals are fragile and lonesome, but well-toned and they mesh well with the piano. But then comes the bridge, and aside from the beginning run, it starts to get really busted. Close-ups reveals Brooke shaking like a leaf...which is totally not like her. Her voice is wavering and her notes start to fall flat and the belts don't work themselves out. Ah! The performance started so well! Oh also...Brooke completely ignores Mariah's idiotic advice to go up high, which she has never done before. Wise choice!
Randy likes that she made the song "singer-songwriter"y...and was really digging it up until the bridge, where it just crumbled apart. Brooke totally understands and starts talking (STOP IT). Randy appreciated it though and of course Brooke is so fucking gracious that it makes me sick. Paula says she is "identifiable" and true to herself and that her performance was brave....she then says that she started to get ahead of the beat...which is not true at all whatsoever. Simon doesn't think she had any other song choice...considering that Mariah's voice is the polar opposite of Brooke's. Simon thinks that Brooke is a burger with no meat...Paula thinks that the bun was missing...however, Randy thinks all the condiments were missing. Seriously...they said this. Brooke understandably looks confused and even slightly annoyed at this terrible bantering of unintelligible "critiquing".
My Grade: B
Kristy Lee Cook- Mariah really enjoys Kristy singing "Forever"...cuz a lot of people don't know the song...so they won't know how bad she is butchering. Mariah then lies and says the her voice gave her goosebumps. Not true. Mariah has this pissed off look on her face and then she lies again and says that she like Kristy's version better than hers. What's funny though, is Mariah's facial expression when she says this is completely uninterested and she's like looking at a fly on the ceiling and leaning on the piano like she's waiting for a bus or something and just half-heatedly commented on a passerby's shoes. This means the world to Kristy though, and she turns "bright red" and Mariah clenches her teeth and is like "You did a really, really good job"...once again lying and not even trying to sound sincere. I love Mariah. Then Kristy wants to hug, and Mariah is like "uh huh" and then have this weird fake middle-school hug where your feet are like 6 feet apart from the other person's and you have your arms wrapped around each like it burns to touch the other person.
She is trying to be Carly and starts next to the piano. She looks almost pretty today. Her hair looks fake and her dress is tacky...but what else is new? I don't know this song. It starts off a little weird but (and I hate myself for this) it starts to get pretty good. Her country twang works well with the pace of the song and she hits nearly all the big notes perfectly. She shimmies herself back and forth and races her arms like she actually is Mariah. Anyway, she ends the performance with pretty awesome belted note and damn...it took like eight weeks, but Kristy has finally done a performance I liked.
Randy is just a surprised as I am that she can actually sing. She thinks she is finally "stepping up." Paula thinks Kristy is smart...wrong. She is "blown away" which I think is a little of an overstatement. She then pimps Mariah again as being a goddess of music and Simon tells her to shut up. He knows that Kristy was probably all like "oh fuck" which she heard it was Mariah week, which is totally not her cup of tea. Kristy then reminds us that she gave MC chills, and Simon is like...whatever, I hate you. He thinks she managed the song well enough...but she was whiny and that the performance wasn't great. Then Paula starts screaming about how beautiful everyone is...ha.
My Grade: B+
David Cook- He will be singing "Always Be My Baby" and he starts playing it on the guitar. Mariah stares at him like "um...what the fuck?!?" She then starts to kickass and does her Mariah-humming along and it's really good. The four little notes that she hums right then and there are better than every single other performance tonight. She thinks this song is good because it will show how great of a songwriter she is.
The performance starts like his performance last week...very low and very muddled. His low range is really not that sure of itself and I think it will be his downfall. He is sporting the homeless look tonight. His hair is disheveled and confusing. Then the chorus starts, and it starts to get pretty decent...if not a little creepy. Like "Every Breath You Take"...it sounds nice, but is also slightly threatening. A plethora of violins comes in and really make the performance intense and dramatic. My friend Christina made a good point...it's not that his vocals are really that incredible, but the performance is made really dramatic by the dark lightly and the strings and David's position on stage, so it comes across really monumental, even if his vocals aren't that incredible. He starts to belt in the refrain of the chorus and then he shines and hits the big notes real ace and for two seconds I get chills. He then ends the performance on this weird low note that is supposed to be all "rockerish" and dark, but just sounds flat.
Of course the judges are going to cream all over this...cuz it's David Cook and they all want to date him. Randy, for the first time this season, gets off his ass and stands up and claps. He thinks David can make a record right now...blah blah. He thinks it's "brilliant". Paula thinks it's so good...that it could be on a movie soundtrack? Since that's the pinnacle of musical stardom. Simon calls the rest of the performances tonight "karaoke hell" and then sucks on David says that he is "a breath of fresh air". Ryan points out that he's crying to which the camera zooms in on David's brother who has brain cancer, who is the audience. Sad! I don't want to be sad! I want to shamelessly make fun of people! Stop Idol producers!
My Grade: B
Jason Castro- Mariah thinks that Jason is "interesting & different." Well, that he definitely is. So Mr. Dreads is playing his guitar wearing a hideous red blouse while Mariah looks on all confused and shit. He is singing "I Don't Wanna Cry". Mariah thinks that he needs to reach people's hearts...or some weird, high Paula Abdul shit like that. She then sings the melody and Jason sings it back to her and they both sound pretty awesome. Castro makes some goofy-ass Muppet faces and slacks his upper row of teeth over his bottom lip, and he looks like a creeper.
He starts the performance with this cracking falsetto that is really hot. The tribal drummers are here this time and it's totally the Jason Castro we fell in love with. His dreads are pulled back tonight, and he looks very well-put-together...for once. The song doesn't not even sound like a Mariah song, and eat your heart out David Cook...this is the best of the night. The performance actually has a slightly Spanish feel to it. His vocals are smooth and delicate, but still on-point and are quite effective. He hits this high note at the end and it's rough and genuine.
Randy thought it was a drug-induced luau performance. Paula wants to be at Jason's luau all night...ha...with her Chihuahuas. Simon agrees with Paula and thinks that it wasn't the best vocal of the night, but it was "identifiable" and that the guys totally won the night tonight. Ryan they tries to force us to imagine Randy in a coconut bra. I go blind.
My Grade: A-
Safe?
- Jason Castro for making a Mariah Carey song sound like something other than a long-winded - ballad.
- David Cook for singing "Always Be My Baby" like an early '90s garage band would.
- David Archuleta, cuz seriously...he's not going home.
In Danger?
- Carly Smithson, since the judges apparently want her dead.
- Brooke White because even though she did well this week, the piano thing is beyond played-out.
- Kristy Lee Cook for singing well, but still being irritating.
David Archuleta- David is grasped into the Diva's spidery embrace and the poor kid never even had a chance. He is so small and puppet-like compared to Mariah who towers over him like some sort of behemoth . And I swear that smile is permanently painted onto her face. David yaps about how scared he was to be in Ms. Carey's holy presence....blah blah...I have a feeling that the intro. videos this week are basically just going to be a collection of suck-ups for Mariah where everyone talks about how perfect she is in every way. David against reminds me why he shouldn't speak by waving his arms around and gushing about how much he loves Mariah's music...and the diva only looks semi-interest and plays with her hair. Like some sort of queen..."yes yes yes...I am done with you. Bring in the court jester!" Of course David is singing "When You Believe" which is kind of boring and totally cheesy. Mariah tells him to go up into his falsetto...which is actually a smart decision...I think that even though she's a little mental...she does know a thing or two about music....which automatically makes her a better guest judge than Jennifer Lopez from last season.
The performance starts zoomed in on the string section and they are ominous and terrifying. Aside from his plethora pants and awkward graphic tee, Archuleta delivers a decent performance. As always. His vocals are spot-on and he squats on the heavy belting notes and the background singers are swaying behind him. He looks on the verge of tears...as always, and doesn't really move around that much...because his father forgot the remote control today, and is forced to controlling David from above in the rafters with his ventriloquist strings. Near the end, David goes into his falsetto, and it's a little off at first, but then works itself out and is more or less alright. He then does this cute run at the end and stares dreamily into the audience. and all the little girls start to scream and blah blah. Problem with David is the same thing that I felt was wrong with Melinda Doolittle...very good singer, but the performances just started getting old after awhile. This feels like every other performance he has done...I dunno, maybe it's just because he chooses songs that all sound like one another, in that pseudo-made-for-TV-movie-theme-song kind of way.
Randy wants David to "check it out" and then says that he picked one of the hardest Mariah songs ever and he worked it out...and he can sing anything (probably even the phonebook!). Paula blabbers about Mariah being proud and beaming and whatevs. Simon, like me, knew that David would pick this cutesy cheesy song too. He thinks that the guys will have an easier time tonight, since they won't be in direct comparison to Mariah. Then Ryan comes out and embarrasses David and tells America that he doesn't eat. Weird?
My Grade: A-
Carly Smithson- So let me start this off and say that Mariah and Carly already have met each other...back when Carly had a record out and Mariah told her she was great. Ha...so the two of them pretend to have never met each other before. Funny. Mariah was so super excited to meet Carly...duh! So she will be singing the den-mother of all Mariah songs..."Without You" that Kelly Clarkson sang first season. That's how epic this song is...only Ms. Clarkson has dared to tangle with its venomous key changes and vicious long notes. But can she work it out? Mariah thinks so. Carly calls Mariah cute and a "big sunshine ray" and we are shown a shot of Mariah looking vapidly at Carly like a mannequin. FREAKY!
She is standing next the the piano and the entire stage is bathed in blue, including Carly herself. The performance starts very very controlled and subdued. It's low and gentle and Carly really pays attention to every note with great precision. Even when she starts to belt, she keeps in all under wraps. But then the drums beat in and she lets it all lose and starts to make the goblin-face. That aside, I think her voice is beautiful and she does some minor belting ad-libs which are nice. She ends the performance on an extended-rising belt note. Wonderful!
Randy likes that she challenged herself...but he really didn't like her lower range...not "loosy goosy" enough. What does that even mean? Paula thought that she showed vocal restraint...ok, I'll agree. She thought Carly made it her own AW! Simon wanted her to sing it, but he didn't think she pulled it off, to which Carly looks off into the audience like "of course." The audience knows this is BS...and the start booing and yelling and Simon is all like "What a surprise to hear you lot booing"...to which I say, "What a surprise, Simon, to hear you unfairly crap all over Carly, while giving positive praise to idiots like Kristy Lee Cook." He thinks she's over-thinking everything. Then Paula says "you need to trust yourself" and Randy is like "You can do it!" It's like...shut up! SHE IS A GOOD SINGER! I really don't get the judges with her...this seems like the perfect voice for them to exploit with crappy ballads and terribly music videos...why are they convincing America otherwise?!?!?!?
My Grade: B+
Syesha (super)Mercado- She is singing some song that no one knows called "Vanishing". Mariah wrote it when she was teenager, which I can't even imagine. Quick note: they don't hug when Syesha runs into the room. Ha! Mariah stares at her while she sings...then starts singing herself and hits some sexy low notes. Mariah thinks she will "swing it home" to which Syesha starts to say "Oh LO!" and I'm like....STOP DOING THAT! RamenNoodles Maboobaloo is gone and never coming back! And that little saying was never cute. Cut it the fuck out.
So let's see if America will be as uninterested in Syesha as Mariah was. She starts the performance staring at the piano player. SHe is wearing bizarre garish tear-drop earrings. Her voice is low and well-controlled. The first half is really really nice. But then she starts to belt, and like always, gets a little away from the notes, and starts to sound like she is yelling. But then she does multi-repeating, stuttering belt that ends in a high-note! So fucking hot! The performance suddenly ends and everyone goes apeshit.
Randy thought it was "the toughest song of the night"...Was it even a song? It just sounded like non-stop belting...oh wait, that's every Mariah song. Paula slathers all over Mariah and then says that "Vanishing" isn't well-known which allows Syesha to avoid being compared to Mariah. Simon thinks that it is technically "very good", but then says it is stupid that she picked a song no one knew. But shut up Simon...you know damn well if she was to choose a song like "We Belong Together" that everyone and their mom knows, that you would puke all over her and say that it pale by comparison to the original. Stop hating on the semi-decent singers and start shitting on Kristy. Please?!?!?
My Grade: B
Brooke White- Earlier Tuesday, I was talking with a friend and we were trying to imagine which Mariah songs each of the contestants were going to sing. We totally called Carly doing "Without You" and I was totes like, "I'll bet you anything that Brooke will sing an acoustic or piano-driven version of 'Hero'," and dammit, I'm right! Her video has her seated with her guitar (Ug!). We find out that the song was actually originally written for Ms. Gloria Estefan...that's until Mariah realized the marketability of the track and took it for herself! Peace out bitch! I'm the bigger DIVA! Anyway...she is counseling Brooke in how to hit high notes that she doesn't have. Brooke smiles and is like..."uh huh..." Mariah thinks she really feels the lyrics...and Brooke says she just wants to "be real". Whatever.
She starts at the piano and in all honesty...the first half of the song, I think, is very good. Not paying attention to her hideous glitter dress/shirt. Her vocals are fragile and lonesome, but well-toned and they mesh well with the piano. But then comes the bridge, and aside from the beginning run, it starts to get really busted. Close-ups reveals Brooke shaking like a leaf...which is totally not like her. Her voice is wavering and her notes start to fall flat and the belts don't work themselves out. Ah! The performance started so well! Oh also...Brooke completely ignores Mariah's idiotic advice to go up high, which she has never done before. Wise choice!
Randy likes that she made the song "singer-songwriter"y...and was really digging it up until the bridge, where it just crumbled apart. Brooke totally understands and starts talking (STOP IT). Randy appreciated it though and of course Brooke is so fucking gracious that it makes me sick. Paula says she is "identifiable" and true to herself and that her performance was brave....she then says that she started to get ahead of the beat...which is not true at all whatsoever. Simon doesn't think she had any other song choice...considering that Mariah's voice is the polar opposite of Brooke's. Simon thinks that Brooke is a burger with no meat...Paula thinks that the bun was missing...however, Randy thinks all the condiments were missing. Seriously...they said this. Brooke understandably looks confused and even slightly annoyed at this terrible bantering of unintelligible "critiquing".
My Grade: B
Kristy Lee Cook- Mariah really enjoys Kristy singing "Forever"...cuz a lot of people don't know the song...so they won't know how bad she is butchering. Mariah then lies and says the her voice gave her goosebumps. Not true. Mariah has this pissed off look on her face and then she lies again and says that she like Kristy's version better than hers. What's funny though, is Mariah's facial expression when she says this is completely uninterested and she's like looking at a fly on the ceiling and leaning on the piano like she's waiting for a bus or something and just half-heatedly commented on a passerby's shoes. This means the world to Kristy though, and she turns "bright red" and Mariah clenches her teeth and is like "You did a really, really good job"...once again lying and not even trying to sound sincere. I love Mariah. Then Kristy wants to hug, and Mariah is like "uh huh" and then have this weird fake middle-school hug where your feet are like 6 feet apart from the other person's and you have your arms wrapped around each like it burns to touch the other person.
She is trying to be Carly and starts next to the piano. She looks almost pretty today. Her hair looks fake and her dress is tacky...but what else is new? I don't know this song. It starts off a little weird but (and I hate myself for this) it starts to get pretty good. Her country twang works well with the pace of the song and she hits nearly all the big notes perfectly. She shimmies herself back and forth and races her arms like she actually is Mariah. Anyway, she ends the performance with pretty awesome belted note and damn...it took like eight weeks, but Kristy has finally done a performance I liked.
Randy is just a surprised as I am that she can actually sing. She thinks she is finally "stepping up." Paula thinks Kristy is smart...wrong. She is "blown away" which I think is a little of an overstatement. She then pimps Mariah again as being a goddess of music and Simon tells her to shut up. He knows that Kristy was probably all like "oh fuck" which she heard it was Mariah week, which is totally not her cup of tea. Kristy then reminds us that she gave MC chills, and Simon is like...whatever, I hate you. He thinks she managed the song well enough...but she was whiny and that the performance wasn't great. Then Paula starts screaming about how beautiful everyone is...ha.
My Grade: B+
David Cook- He will be singing "Always Be My Baby" and he starts playing it on the guitar. Mariah stares at him like "um...what the fuck?!?" She then starts to kickass and does her Mariah-humming along and it's really good. The four little notes that she hums right then and there are better than every single other performance tonight. She thinks this song is good because it will show how great of a songwriter she is.
The performance starts like his performance last week...very low and very muddled. His low range is really not that sure of itself and I think it will be his downfall. He is sporting the homeless look tonight. His hair is disheveled and confusing. Then the chorus starts, and it starts to get pretty decent...if not a little creepy. Like "Every Breath You Take"...it sounds nice, but is also slightly threatening. A plethora of violins comes in and really make the performance intense and dramatic. My friend Christina made a good point...it's not that his vocals are really that incredible, but the performance is made really dramatic by the dark lightly and the strings and David's position on stage, so it comes across really monumental, even if his vocals aren't that incredible. He starts to belt in the refrain of the chorus and then he shines and hits the big notes real ace and for two seconds I get chills. He then ends the performance on this weird low note that is supposed to be all "rockerish" and dark, but just sounds flat.
Of course the judges are going to cream all over this...cuz it's David Cook and they all want to date him. Randy, for the first time this season, gets off his ass and stands up and claps. He thinks David can make a record right now...blah blah. He thinks it's "brilliant". Paula thinks it's so good...that it could be on a movie soundtrack? Since that's the pinnacle of musical stardom. Simon calls the rest of the performances tonight "karaoke hell" and then sucks on David says that he is "a breath of fresh air". Ryan points out that he's crying to which the camera zooms in on David's brother who has brain cancer, who is the audience. Sad! I don't want to be sad! I want to shamelessly make fun of people! Stop Idol producers!
My Grade: B
Jason Castro- Mariah thinks that Jason is "interesting & different." Well, that he definitely is. So Mr. Dreads is playing his guitar wearing a hideous red blouse while Mariah looks on all confused and shit. He is singing "I Don't Wanna Cry". Mariah thinks that he needs to reach people's hearts...or some weird, high Paula Abdul shit like that. She then sings the melody and Jason sings it back to her and they both sound pretty awesome. Castro makes some goofy-ass Muppet faces and slacks his upper row of teeth over his bottom lip, and he looks like a creeper.
He starts the performance with this cracking falsetto that is really hot. The tribal drummers are here this time and it's totally the Jason Castro we fell in love with. His dreads are pulled back tonight, and he looks very well-put-together...for once. The song doesn't not even sound like a Mariah song, and eat your heart out David Cook...this is the best of the night. The performance actually has a slightly Spanish feel to it. His vocals are smooth and delicate, but still on-point and are quite effective. He hits this high note at the end and it's rough and genuine.
Randy thought it was a drug-induced luau performance. Paula wants to be at Jason's luau all night...ha...with her Chihuahuas. Simon agrees with Paula and thinks that it wasn't the best vocal of the night, but it was "identifiable" and that the guys totally won the night tonight. Ryan they tries to force us to imagine Randy in a coconut bra. I go blind.
My Grade: A-
Safe?
- Jason Castro for making a Mariah Carey song sound like something other than a long-winded - ballad.
- David Cook for singing "Always Be My Baby" like an early '90s garage band would.
- David Archuleta, cuz seriously...he's not going home.
In Danger?
- Carly Smithson, since the judges apparently want her dead.
- Brooke White because even though she did well this week, the piano thing is beyond played-out.
- Kristy Lee Cook for singing well, but still being irritating.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Top 8 - Inspirational Songs
Sorry for skipping last week...I got really busy. Whatever...Ramen Noodles Maboobaloo went home so I'm happy!
So tomorrow is stupid Idol gives back...blah blah...saving dieing kids. Fox is so generous...shots of Randy and Paula and Simon hugging starving children. Whatever. So you know what that means?!?! Tonight is another lame stupid Inspirational song week with each contestant picking the most dramatic and cliche songs in the history of the world. However...I think Kristy Lee Cook might be in trouble, cuz a) she sucks, and b) she already sang the goofiest lamest song ever two weeks back with that "God Damn the USA" song.
Michael Johns- So he will be singing "Dream On" by Aerosmith. He explains in his expo video that he loves America soooo much for helping him reach his dreams. And he is really thankful that his dreams are coming true right now on American Idol. And guess what?!? He never thought he'd ever be this close to his dreams EVER! And then he says he dreams. And then he talks about said dreams. And then he says dreams like a billion more times.
So the performance starts with the entire stage (feat. Johns) bathed in hellish red death light. He is wearing some sort of Jason Castro vest and has a gross scarf like wrapped around his neck and stuck under his shirt. It's confusing. His hair has that hot and disheveled "I just woke up after a sexy fuckfest" look. The song starts rough with him attempting to really emote the song, but just not singing that well. He makes those "oh" faces he loves and raises his hands to the gods above. An electric guitar is chugging along in the background and it really doesn't mess well with his voice for most of the song. When the song picks up and the chorus kicks in he starts to get more in-tune with the track. He also starts to look better when the camera JIBS around from behind him and there is a gorgeous shot of his ass in those tight pants. But even though it did get better, I can't help but feel that this is the opening performance of a long Aerosmith dedication medley. Near the end, he attempts Steven Tyler's falsetto screeching and it's ok...but just a little too copy-catish. I dunno...I mean, it was ok, but not nearly as good as the past few weeks. He'll be safe, but I hope he brings a more original performance next week. But he's still better than Kristy though...so whatever.
Randy and his awkward sideburns thinks this is a very important week. Whatever. He then claims that it was a good song choice...which I don't agree with. He calls him out on the blatant pitch problems and says that this whole "rocker" vibe doesn't jive well with Michael's persona...and this point completely contradicts his earlier assessment that it was a good song for him to sing. Michael then tries to argue with Randy, and it's painful cuz Randy fires back and says that Johns should keep his mouth shut, cuz he don't know shit about anything. Paula, whose boobs are literally spilling out all over the table, says that he looks hot so therefor he sounds good. SHe praises his high notes and says that her "chihuahuas" loved it. I of course assume she means her boobs, which are heaving up and down like panting fat children in the summer sun. Simon thought it was good...but wannabe-ish. Bingo.
My Grade: B-
Syesha Supermercado- UGGGGGGGGGGG. She is going to be singing that shitty "I Believe" song that Fantasia screamed at us after she won the third season. Considering that this song is basically "A Moment Like This" written for someone with a low IQ and a bullfrog's voice, I have extremely loooooooooow expectations. Syesha said that this song lets her think that ANYTHING is possible if you just believe...blah blah. Whatever. She is inspired by this crappy American Idol pimped out cheesefest, and I lose a little bit of respect for her.
She is dressed very nicely though I forget exactly what she was wearing. Her voice starts off very nicely...gently and smooth with delicate little runs...reminds me almost of my Goddess from above, Aaliyah (BONUS POINTS!!!). She has nice control over the song and really nails the subtle vocal acrobats that Fantasia never attempted...cuz she's not Jennifer Hudson. She sings well...but this song is so dopey and cliche that I seriously am too distracted by how piss poor these lyrics to really focus on Syesha's voice. She sings about magic. She sings about stars. She sings about dreams and pots of gold and special moments arriving and then I heave my guts out. Ug...so dumb. Seriously, who writes these songs, and why are they getting paid for it when I could crap prettier things into a toilet bowl??? Anyway...she hits some awesome random high note at the end and it's really good. She hasn't seen this confident in a long-ass time, and she really seems in her element. However...I know she's fucked, cuz whenever anyone ever sings a previous Idol's song, the judges murder them...so just prepare yourself Supermercado.
Randy thought that it was bland and that Fantasia was great and that Syesha isn't. He mentions a lack of connection to the song, to which I think, "I hope so...since the song has the emotional appeal of a stuffed vaccuum cleaner waiting to burst at the seems with dust and potato chip crumbs." She tries to argue with him and he shits on her just like how she dropped a dump on Michael. Paula thinks it's cute that she likes Fantasia (cuz apparently no one else does). She thought that she really made the song her own and that this was one of her best nights. Simon thinks that even though she sang it well, it didn't compare to Fantasia's performance. He says it lacks any real emotion...and duh. The song sucks! Ug...whatever.
My Grade: B+
Jason Castro- So he will be singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", only instead of doing the queer Judy Garland/Katharine McBulimia version, he will be singing some goofy acoustic ukulele version that's really introspective and kooky and who gives a fuck? We are shown terrifying shots of Castro and his tentacle hair and then he talks about dreams and whatever.
He is playing the ukulele and it is hilarious. His arms are all clenched to him as he strums that little instrument. It's really funny and greatly accentuates his Muppet-like qualities. He has a terrifying blank stare and looks either high or dead. Ok...I really like Castro...but damn, this hippy-college-stoner act needs to be put to bed. Do something else. The producers must of ordered an extra side of cheese, cuz there are rainbow lights cascading all over the audience and we can see the sluts in the first row staring longingly into Castro's vacant eyeholes. Near the end of the song he does some nice emoting where he hits some pretty cute, vulnerable notes, but I feel like he missed out on some great parts of the chorus where he could have belted, or at least done something more than just whisper along with the melody. It's okay...He's a good singer, but I am just bored to tears now by him.
Randy says that he is "back in the hut"...whatever the bloody balls that means. Randy must have caught Paula's retard flu, cuz he then calls Castro "crazy molten hot" and it's really uncomfortable. Paula creams all over the floor and says that he has a very definitive sound...with his guitar...even though he isn't using his guitar this week. She's totally out of it tonight, folks. Simon thought it was "fantastic" which is a little over the top. I guess I must have become really jaded though, cuz in all honesty, I can't tell his performances apart from one another anymore. They all travel the same pace, hitting the same old notes, making the same old goofy faces into the camera. I want something upbeat...fun...worth watching/writing about.
My Grade: B
Kristy Lee Cook- Of course the devil loves Martina McBride and will be singing some shitty song of hers that I don't care enough about to look up. She then says that she doesn't want to give up...blah blah...she loves America...snore snore...she sold her horse to get to Hollywood...cake cake...she sucks a lot. Boo.
She is basically wearing the same disco-ball shirt from a few weeks ago. Tonight her position is planted in front of the mic, in the middle of the stage, waving her arms around like she's being pulled into quicksand and only the rapid convulsing of her appendages provide anysort of help in freeing herself. Her voice is really off. I dunno...like I don't know much about Martina McBride, but I know her voice is pretty damn powerful. And even if she does have a nice country tone, I just don't think that Kristy's voice is strong enough to take on a song of hers...or anyone's for that matter. Now, if Kristy was to sing one of those slow semi-cliche songs that Brooke seems to fond of, I think she might actually give a decent performance...but all this bigger songs just aren't cutting in, cuz her voice is just lacking any sort of power behind it. I think Kristy and her pseudo-lazy eyes have really overstayed their fucking welcome. Go back to your farm and your family and the huge American flag that wafts in the breeze in front of your house and get off my tv. To her defense though, she does hit one really nice long note at the end, but then later ruins it with some warbled "yeah yeah"s that come out of nowhere and smash the living hell out of the only good note I think she's ever hit on this show. Oh, and her lack of stage presence is physically painful to watch. Boo.
Randy is moronic tonight. It was pitchy...but he "loved it"??? Paula thinks it was her best performance that it's so easy to songs that inspire them...??? I don't understand, or care enough to actually figure out what she's talking about. Simon thought it was a random, shitty song to sing, but that she delivered a very very good performance. Yeah...TWO "very"s. What...I would for serial rather listen to the out-of-tune likes of Kellie "Puck and" Pickler, than sit through more Kristy Lee Cook performances.
My Grade: C+
David Cook- He'll be singing one of my favorite songs..."Innocent" by Our Lady Peace. I'm excited, but also very confused considering that this song received very little airplay and I am positive that no one other than me and like four other people really remember it. In his video, he looks like a dirty little teenager with scruffy facial hair and tiny eyes. He thinks the song is great and loves what it tries to convey. Then he says something about everyone having a heart...YAWN FESTIVAL begins NOW!
So the song starts and it is TERRIBLE. First off, he doesn't have his guitar this week, which you can instantly tell makes him uncomfortable. He walks around on stage, not really doing anything and then he traverses into the audience and stands in front of the judges and it makes no sense. Secondly, his lower range is god awful this week, and it sounds very muddled and very all-over-the-place. Now, when he belts, it's another story. He does that rocker yell-sing thing that he is an expert at and it kind of redeems that shittiness of the performance thus far, but then he goes back to the low notes and ruins my life some more. Oh, and he is wearing the fugliest effing jacket ever. It's eggshell white and has like a million buttons and it's too small for him. When he approaches the judges' table, Paula starts dancing and her boobs start to scare me...cuz seriously, those babies are about to bust the hell outta that top. He then ends the performance opening up his palm to reveal the words "give back." scribbled on the inside. BARF! That's even cornier than Kristy's "God Bless My Ass" song from two weeks ago. Like seriously, how melodramatic and fakely compassionate can you be? Boo boo boo David Cook. Boo.
Randy thought it sucked...cuz it kinda did. He "didn't get it" which is now my favorite Randy quote...it's so cold and mean and just like "fuck that...I'm not gonna waste my time actually thinking of something constructive to say to you...asshole." Paula ignores Randy and calls David the "whole package"....yeah yeah yeah. There is a shot of Taylor Swift in the audience and I totally vomit everywhere cuz I hate that girl. You know Brooke White is a big fan and I am so over both of them. Simon thought it was POMPOUS. YES! Exactly. I hate people that think they are really introspective and smart and deep because they like pretend to be activists for causes that they obviously are uninterested in. He also hated the jacket and the Jesus walking through the crowd and I totes agree! Simon and I are back on the same page! YAY! Paula then gets upset that he is insulting her loverboy and then like starts to cry and pee on Simon and Simon's like..."I'm not going to touch you" and it's really confusing.
My Grade: C-
Carly Smithson- She's perfect and will be singing "The Show Must Go On" which is actually one of my least favorite Queen songs. It's okay though, cuz Carly is wonderful and if you don't love her, you suck...a lot. She then says that it inspires her to never give up no matter what "bonks" you on your way. I don't really understand what that means, but it's adorable and drenched in her cute accent, so I get over it.
Her makeup is flawless tonight, and her piercing blue eyes are especially hypnotic. But then the camera zooms out and we see the high-waisted trainwreck that's taking place, and I cry. I guess they need at least one contestant to be wearing their jeans way too high, at all times. First it was Asia'h...then she bounced. Ramen Noodles Maboobaloo then took the reigns and wore high-waisted pants until she peaced out last week...now I guess Carly is taking the fashion fall. Whatever...she sings better than all these other bitches, so once again, I get over it. Her vocals are more or less strong...although she does hit some bum notes when she belts. She is very concentrated this evening...like she's vindicated and ready to prove to the world that she is better than everyone ever. The Amy Winehouse tattoo on her arm is especially prominent tonight and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. She hits a high note at the end of the performance and belts and makes goblin/witch faces everywhere.
Randy thought it was a little pitchy at the end and that it was just "ok." Seriously? She wipes the floor with that dirty dishrag of a voice that comes out of Kristy's yapper...yet that country bumpkin gets all the praise in the world, while Carly gets the brunt of all the judges' bad tidings? NOT FAIR! Paula thought her voice was perfect but that she wasn't engaged in the song. That makes no sense, so I ignore her. Simon thinks she looks good this week (LIE), but that it was an unusual choice for her...which isn't true...I think the song fits her voice perfectly and totally matches the other songs she has sang thus far. He thinks she oversang and that she lost control of it after awhile. He claims that she looked angry...which I can kind of see...but whatever. SHE IS STILL THE BEST FEMALE SINGER IN THE ENTIRE SHOW!
My Grade: B+
David Archuleta- He has a hard time getting through the video interview...cuz he is unable to speak ever. He then says he will be singing that annoying and headache-inducing "Angels" song originally done by Robbie Williams and later SLAUGHTERED TO DEATH BY JESSICA "I'M A MAN" SIMPSON. Ug...seriously hates that song...like ug...I can't even deal.
He starts at the piano...again. Ok I'm a little annoyed with this whole instrument thing this season. It's like...we expect these people to sing and we expect them to sing well...just like every other season of Idol. And at first, the inclusion of instruments was a cool idea...but now with David Cook and Castro always on the guitar, and Archuleta and Brooke always playing the piano, I feel the excitement of the show is slowly dwindling. I already know what kind of performance I can expect and I can anticipate how certain performances are going to be and the surprise-aspect of American Idol feels a little lost. I already know that Castro will probably be playing some quiet stoner track with his guitar. Brooke will always be playing a similar song, only less high. David Cook will be shedding chords all over some modern rock (or modern rock cover) song, and Archuleta will deliver a cute, but starting to become boring performance while seated at a piano. And the latter is exactly what his "Angels" is. Like Cook, his voice doesn't really connect in the beginning of the song. The notes may just be a little too low or maybe he's sick, but his voice sounds really weak and just doesn't mix well with the music itself. His tone is as good as always and thank god for the chorus which allows Archuleta the chance to belt and actually sing well. The performance ends with a close-up shot of David where you can see his fillings in the back of his mouth and he ends the song with this cool little re-arrangement of the chorus. He does a lot of random runs and jumps all over his range and it's nice and salvages the burning shitship that the song began as.
Randy loves it...especially the refrain at the end. As he praises him, the camera cuts to the audience and we see Papa Archuleta out there smiling and clapping those huge monster bear -claws and I can only imagine what he is thinking: "Good little Archuleta...you have spared yourself the belt tonight." Next Paula starts to talk but all these little girls in the audience start wailing like a pack of insane bitches. Paula is too out of it to be coherent and says that those screams of pain are actually cries of joy and that everyone loves him. Simon thought it wasn't he best vocal (thank god!). He says he thought it was a little nasal. Fuck nasal! The beginning verse was not really even in tune! He then gives him the golden ticket of invincibility and says that he will "sail through to the next round." Whatever. There is a pan to the audience and we see some little 8-year-old girl holding up a sign that says "Lick Those Lips" next to a picture of Archuleta. Um...? Weird. What? Ew. I throw up in my mouth and then cry a little.
My Grade: B-
Brooke White- So of course Brooke will be singing "You've Got a Friend" cuz it's cute and friendly and flower-childy. She boasts about her extensive knowledge of music and says that James Taylor sang it, but Carol King did on her Tapestry album, and I'm like...ok...we get it...you (think you) know a lot about music. Stop talking. She mentions that at a talent show once, her and her friends performed it! SUPER CUTE! Barf.
Somebody else is behind the piano tonight (I spoke too soon during Archuleta's performance), and Brooke is refreshingly up front at the mic without her Grandma hands anywhere near the ivory keys. She looks overly Barbied this week. Like, when it first started, she looked nice. Normal, real and genuinely pretty. Then she started to look a little homeless, especially during "Here Comes the Sun". Her clothes were weird and looked tattered and her hair was dirty and matted. So now it seems like the producers are in style-damage control, cuz Brooke looks done up to the point of looking like a plastic life-size Tyra Banks Barbie doll. Her hair is way to fluid and mono-colored and is smooth and cascades off her head like the golden sunshine that covers every one of her rainbow-unicorn days. Her lips are plastic too, and she just doesn't really resemble the down-to-earth vegan that we were forced to believe she was earlier this season. She is so fake looking that I would dare to say she resembles one of those CGI characters that are made for animated films like "Shrek" or "Ratatouille"...like there are no flaws and it is quite disconcerting. Anyway...after being in the bottom three last week, Brooke is pulling out all the stops. Every other second she is making one of those gentle & pious "love me" looks into the camera where she stares off deeply into thought....ug, so irritating. Almost as much as David Cooks "give back." hand. Ok...this just may be the bitchy queen in me, but all of these "stripped down/introverted" reflection numbers need to come to a halt. Like...not every week has to be so fragile and quiet and subdued. I want the American Idol of past seasons where Kelly would dance around in a man's tie and hat while singing "Natural Woman"...I want Carrie Underwood to bust out from the side of the stage with crazy eighties hair wailing Heart's "Alone"...I want Sanjaya to make little girls cry again. I WANT SOME VARIETY. Anyway...Brooke is a tad boring. Her shirt is covered with the remnants of a strawberry rhubarb pie that exploded all over her just before she went on. Her vocals are as decent as always, but seriously...I couldn't care less. I just don't get this appeal, and I think both her and Castro are going to be in trouble real soon if they don't so something to shake up the snorefests that their performances are quickly becoming.
Randy loves it. Then Brooke spouts out...honestly for no reason...that she loves her father and husband and friends and music teacher and puppies and fresh apple strudel and memories and whiskers on kittens. Paula grew up to that song and remembers her sister playing the living beJesus out of it. She says she loves her to which Brooke is mad weird and says "I love you too" back. Simon thought it was like a pleasant walk in the park and Brooke makes those humbled overly appreciative faces that made Melinda Doolittle just a teensy bit irritating last season. He then says she wasn't original, but that she did a good job overall.
My Grade: B
Safe?
- David Archuleta cuz Simon says so.
- Jason Castro for singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" in an unconventional way and bathing the audience in rainbow sunlight.
- Michael Johns for his "oh-face".
In Danger?
- Carly Smithson cuz the judges feel a constant need to unfairly trash all over her.
- David Cook cuz what the hell was that?
- Kristy Lee Cook cuz she's been in the bottom three every week so far...so why stop now?
So tomorrow is stupid Idol gives back...blah blah...saving dieing kids. Fox is so generous...shots of Randy and Paula and Simon hugging starving children. Whatever. So you know what that means?!?! Tonight is another lame stupid Inspirational song week with each contestant picking the most dramatic and cliche songs in the history of the world. However...I think Kristy Lee Cook might be in trouble, cuz a) she sucks, and b) she already sang the goofiest lamest song ever two weeks back with that "God Damn the USA" song.
Michael Johns- So he will be singing "Dream On" by Aerosmith. He explains in his expo video that he loves America soooo much for helping him reach his dreams. And he is really thankful that his dreams are coming true right now on American Idol. And guess what?!? He never thought he'd ever be this close to his dreams EVER! And then he says he dreams. And then he talks about said dreams. And then he says dreams like a billion more times.
So the performance starts with the entire stage (feat. Johns) bathed in hellish red death light. He is wearing some sort of Jason Castro vest and has a gross scarf like wrapped around his neck and stuck under his shirt. It's confusing. His hair has that hot and disheveled "I just woke up after a sexy fuckfest" look. The song starts rough with him attempting to really emote the song, but just not singing that well. He makes those "oh" faces he loves and raises his hands to the gods above. An electric guitar is chugging along in the background and it really doesn't mess well with his voice for most of the song. When the song picks up and the chorus kicks in he starts to get more in-tune with the track. He also starts to look better when the camera JIBS around from behind him and there is a gorgeous shot of his ass in those tight pants. But even though it did get better, I can't help but feel that this is the opening performance of a long Aerosmith dedication medley. Near the end, he attempts Steven Tyler's falsetto screeching and it's ok...but just a little too copy-catish. I dunno...I mean, it was ok, but not nearly as good as the past few weeks. He'll be safe, but I hope he brings a more original performance next week. But he's still better than Kristy though...so whatever.
Randy and his awkward sideburns thinks this is a very important week. Whatever. He then claims that it was a good song choice...which I don't agree with. He calls him out on the blatant pitch problems and says that this whole "rocker" vibe doesn't jive well with Michael's persona...and this point completely contradicts his earlier assessment that it was a good song for him to sing. Michael then tries to argue with Randy, and it's painful cuz Randy fires back and says that Johns should keep his mouth shut, cuz he don't know shit about anything. Paula, whose boobs are literally spilling out all over the table, says that he looks hot so therefor he sounds good. SHe praises his high notes and says that her "chihuahuas" loved it. I of course assume she means her boobs, which are heaving up and down like panting fat children in the summer sun. Simon thought it was good...but wannabe-ish. Bingo.
My Grade: B-
Syesha Supermercado- UGGGGGGGGGGG. She is going to be singing that shitty "I Believe" song that Fantasia screamed at us after she won the third season. Considering that this song is basically "A Moment Like This" written for someone with a low IQ and a bullfrog's voice, I have extremely loooooooooow expectations. Syesha said that this song lets her think that ANYTHING is possible if you just believe...blah blah. Whatever. She is inspired by this crappy American Idol pimped out cheesefest, and I lose a little bit of respect for her.
She is dressed very nicely though I forget exactly what she was wearing. Her voice starts off very nicely...gently and smooth with delicate little runs...reminds me almost of my Goddess from above, Aaliyah (BONUS POINTS!!!). She has nice control over the song and really nails the subtle vocal acrobats that Fantasia never attempted...cuz she's not Jennifer Hudson. She sings well...but this song is so dopey and cliche that I seriously am too distracted by how piss poor these lyrics to really focus on Syesha's voice. She sings about magic. She sings about stars. She sings about dreams and pots of gold and special moments arriving and then I heave my guts out. Ug...so dumb. Seriously, who writes these songs, and why are they getting paid for it when I could crap prettier things into a toilet bowl??? Anyway...she hits some awesome random high note at the end and it's really good. She hasn't seen this confident in a long-ass time, and she really seems in her element. However...I know she's fucked, cuz whenever anyone ever sings a previous Idol's song, the judges murder them...so just prepare yourself Supermercado.
Randy thought that it was bland and that Fantasia was great and that Syesha isn't. He mentions a lack of connection to the song, to which I think, "I hope so...since the song has the emotional appeal of a stuffed vaccuum cleaner waiting to burst at the seems with dust and potato chip crumbs." She tries to argue with him and he shits on her just like how she dropped a dump on Michael. Paula thinks it's cute that she likes Fantasia (cuz apparently no one else does). She thought that she really made the song her own and that this was one of her best nights. Simon thinks that even though she sang it well, it didn't compare to Fantasia's performance. He says it lacks any real emotion...and duh. The song sucks! Ug...whatever.
My Grade: B+
Jason Castro- So he will be singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", only instead of doing the queer Judy Garland/Katharine McBulimia version, he will be singing some goofy acoustic ukulele version that's really introspective and kooky and who gives a fuck? We are shown terrifying shots of Castro and his tentacle hair and then he talks about dreams and whatever.
He is playing the ukulele and it is hilarious. His arms are all clenched to him as he strums that little instrument. It's really funny and greatly accentuates his Muppet-like qualities. He has a terrifying blank stare and looks either high or dead. Ok...I really like Castro...but damn, this hippy-college-stoner act needs to be put to bed. Do something else. The producers must of ordered an extra side of cheese, cuz there are rainbow lights cascading all over the audience and we can see the sluts in the first row staring longingly into Castro's vacant eyeholes. Near the end of the song he does some nice emoting where he hits some pretty cute, vulnerable notes, but I feel like he missed out on some great parts of the chorus where he could have belted, or at least done something more than just whisper along with the melody. It's okay...He's a good singer, but I am just bored to tears now by him.
Randy says that he is "back in the hut"...whatever the bloody balls that means. Randy must have caught Paula's retard flu, cuz he then calls Castro "crazy molten hot" and it's really uncomfortable. Paula creams all over the floor and says that he has a very definitive sound...with his guitar...even though he isn't using his guitar this week. She's totally out of it tonight, folks. Simon thought it was "fantastic" which is a little over the top. I guess I must have become really jaded though, cuz in all honesty, I can't tell his performances apart from one another anymore. They all travel the same pace, hitting the same old notes, making the same old goofy faces into the camera. I want something upbeat...fun...worth watching/writing about.
My Grade: B
Kristy Lee Cook- Of course the devil loves Martina McBride and will be singing some shitty song of hers that I don't care enough about to look up. She then says that she doesn't want to give up...blah blah...she loves America...snore snore...she sold her horse to get to Hollywood...cake cake...she sucks a lot. Boo.
She is basically wearing the same disco-ball shirt from a few weeks ago. Tonight her position is planted in front of the mic, in the middle of the stage, waving her arms around like she's being pulled into quicksand and only the rapid convulsing of her appendages provide anysort of help in freeing herself. Her voice is really off. I dunno...like I don't know much about Martina McBride, but I know her voice is pretty damn powerful. And even if she does have a nice country tone, I just don't think that Kristy's voice is strong enough to take on a song of hers...or anyone's for that matter. Now, if Kristy was to sing one of those slow semi-cliche songs that Brooke seems to fond of, I think she might actually give a decent performance...but all this bigger songs just aren't cutting in, cuz her voice is just lacking any sort of power behind it. I think Kristy and her pseudo-lazy eyes have really overstayed their fucking welcome. Go back to your farm and your family and the huge American flag that wafts in the breeze in front of your house and get off my tv. To her defense though, she does hit one really nice long note at the end, but then later ruins it with some warbled "yeah yeah"s that come out of nowhere and smash the living hell out of the only good note I think she's ever hit on this show. Oh, and her lack of stage presence is physically painful to watch. Boo.
Randy is moronic tonight. It was pitchy...but he "loved it"??? Paula thinks it was her best performance that it's so easy to songs that inspire them...??? I don't understand, or care enough to actually figure out what she's talking about. Simon thought it was a random, shitty song to sing, but that she delivered a very very good performance. Yeah...TWO "very"s. What...I would for serial rather listen to the out-of-tune likes of Kellie "Puck and" Pickler, than sit through more Kristy Lee Cook performances.
My Grade: C+
David Cook- He'll be singing one of my favorite songs..."Innocent" by Our Lady Peace. I'm excited, but also very confused considering that this song received very little airplay and I am positive that no one other than me and like four other people really remember it. In his video, he looks like a dirty little teenager with scruffy facial hair and tiny eyes. He thinks the song is great and loves what it tries to convey. Then he says something about everyone having a heart...YAWN FESTIVAL begins NOW!
So the song starts and it is TERRIBLE. First off, he doesn't have his guitar this week, which you can instantly tell makes him uncomfortable. He walks around on stage, not really doing anything and then he traverses into the audience and stands in front of the judges and it makes no sense. Secondly, his lower range is god awful this week, and it sounds very muddled and very all-over-the-place. Now, when he belts, it's another story. He does that rocker yell-sing thing that he is an expert at and it kind of redeems that shittiness of the performance thus far, but then he goes back to the low notes and ruins my life some more. Oh, and he is wearing the fugliest effing jacket ever. It's eggshell white and has like a million buttons and it's too small for him. When he approaches the judges' table, Paula starts dancing and her boobs start to scare me...cuz seriously, those babies are about to bust the hell outta that top. He then ends the performance opening up his palm to reveal the words "give back." scribbled on the inside. BARF! That's even cornier than Kristy's "God Bless My Ass" song from two weeks ago. Like seriously, how melodramatic and fakely compassionate can you be? Boo boo boo David Cook. Boo.
Randy thought it sucked...cuz it kinda did. He "didn't get it" which is now my favorite Randy quote...it's so cold and mean and just like "fuck that...I'm not gonna waste my time actually thinking of something constructive to say to you...asshole." Paula ignores Randy and calls David the "whole package"....yeah yeah yeah. There is a shot of Taylor Swift in the audience and I totally vomit everywhere cuz I hate that girl. You know Brooke White is a big fan and I am so over both of them. Simon thought it was POMPOUS. YES! Exactly. I hate people that think they are really introspective and smart and deep because they like pretend to be activists for causes that they obviously are uninterested in. He also hated the jacket and the Jesus walking through the crowd and I totes agree! Simon and I are back on the same page! YAY! Paula then gets upset that he is insulting her loverboy and then like starts to cry and pee on Simon and Simon's like..."I'm not going to touch you" and it's really confusing.
My Grade: C-
Carly Smithson- She's perfect and will be singing "The Show Must Go On" which is actually one of my least favorite Queen songs. It's okay though, cuz Carly is wonderful and if you don't love her, you suck...a lot. She then says that it inspires her to never give up no matter what "bonks" you on your way. I don't really understand what that means, but it's adorable and drenched in her cute accent, so I get over it.
Her makeup is flawless tonight, and her piercing blue eyes are especially hypnotic. But then the camera zooms out and we see the high-waisted trainwreck that's taking place, and I cry. I guess they need at least one contestant to be wearing their jeans way too high, at all times. First it was Asia'h...then she bounced. Ramen Noodles Maboobaloo then took the reigns and wore high-waisted pants until she peaced out last week...now I guess Carly is taking the fashion fall. Whatever...she sings better than all these other bitches, so once again, I get over it. Her vocals are more or less strong...although she does hit some bum notes when she belts. She is very concentrated this evening...like she's vindicated and ready to prove to the world that she is better than everyone ever. The Amy Winehouse tattoo on her arm is especially prominent tonight and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. She hits a high note at the end of the performance and belts and makes goblin/witch faces everywhere.
Randy thought it was a little pitchy at the end and that it was just "ok." Seriously? She wipes the floor with that dirty dishrag of a voice that comes out of Kristy's yapper...yet that country bumpkin gets all the praise in the world, while Carly gets the brunt of all the judges' bad tidings? NOT FAIR! Paula thought her voice was perfect but that she wasn't engaged in the song. That makes no sense, so I ignore her. Simon thinks she looks good this week (LIE), but that it was an unusual choice for her...which isn't true...I think the song fits her voice perfectly and totally matches the other songs she has sang thus far. He thinks she oversang and that she lost control of it after awhile. He claims that she looked angry...which I can kind of see...but whatever. SHE IS STILL THE BEST FEMALE SINGER IN THE ENTIRE SHOW!
My Grade: B+
David Archuleta- He has a hard time getting through the video interview...cuz he is unable to speak ever. He then says he will be singing that annoying and headache-inducing "Angels" song originally done by Robbie Williams and later SLAUGHTERED TO DEATH BY JESSICA "I'M A MAN" SIMPSON. Ug...seriously hates that song...like ug...I can't even deal.
He starts at the piano...again. Ok I'm a little annoyed with this whole instrument thing this season. It's like...we expect these people to sing and we expect them to sing well...just like every other season of Idol. And at first, the inclusion of instruments was a cool idea...but now with David Cook and Castro always on the guitar, and Archuleta and Brooke always playing the piano, I feel the excitement of the show is slowly dwindling. I already know what kind of performance I can expect and I can anticipate how certain performances are going to be and the surprise-aspect of American Idol feels a little lost. I already know that Castro will probably be playing some quiet stoner track with his guitar. Brooke will always be playing a similar song, only less high. David Cook will be shedding chords all over some modern rock (or modern rock cover) song, and Archuleta will deliver a cute, but starting to become boring performance while seated at a piano. And the latter is exactly what his "Angels" is. Like Cook, his voice doesn't really connect in the beginning of the song. The notes may just be a little too low or maybe he's sick, but his voice sounds really weak and just doesn't mix well with the music itself. His tone is as good as always and thank god for the chorus which allows Archuleta the chance to belt and actually sing well. The performance ends with a close-up shot of David where you can see his fillings in the back of his mouth and he ends the song with this cool little re-arrangement of the chorus. He does a lot of random runs and jumps all over his range and it's nice and salvages the burning shitship that the song began as.
Randy loves it...especially the refrain at the end. As he praises him, the camera cuts to the audience and we see Papa Archuleta out there smiling and clapping those huge monster bear -claws and I can only imagine what he is thinking: "Good little Archuleta...you have spared yourself the belt tonight." Next Paula starts to talk but all these little girls in the audience start wailing like a pack of insane bitches. Paula is too out of it to be coherent and says that those screams of pain are actually cries of joy and that everyone loves him. Simon thought it wasn't he best vocal (thank god!). He says he thought it was a little nasal. Fuck nasal! The beginning verse was not really even in tune! He then gives him the golden ticket of invincibility and says that he will "sail through to the next round." Whatever. There is a pan to the audience and we see some little 8-year-old girl holding up a sign that says "Lick Those Lips" next to a picture of Archuleta. Um...? Weird. What? Ew. I throw up in my mouth and then cry a little.
My Grade: B-
Brooke White- So of course Brooke will be singing "You've Got a Friend" cuz it's cute and friendly and flower-childy. She boasts about her extensive knowledge of music and says that James Taylor sang it, but Carol King did on her Tapestry album, and I'm like...ok...we get it...you (think you) know a lot about music. Stop talking. She mentions that at a talent show once, her and her friends performed it! SUPER CUTE! Barf.
Somebody else is behind the piano tonight (I spoke too soon during Archuleta's performance), and Brooke is refreshingly up front at the mic without her Grandma hands anywhere near the ivory keys. She looks overly Barbied this week. Like, when it first started, she looked nice. Normal, real and genuinely pretty. Then she started to look a little homeless, especially during "Here Comes the Sun". Her clothes were weird and looked tattered and her hair was dirty and matted. So now it seems like the producers are in style-damage control, cuz Brooke looks done up to the point of looking like a plastic life-size Tyra Banks Barbie doll. Her hair is way to fluid and mono-colored and is smooth and cascades off her head like the golden sunshine that covers every one of her rainbow-unicorn days. Her lips are plastic too, and she just doesn't really resemble the down-to-earth vegan that we were forced to believe she was earlier this season. She is so fake looking that I would dare to say she resembles one of those CGI characters that are made for animated films like "Shrek" or "Ratatouille"...like there are no flaws and it is quite disconcerting. Anyway...after being in the bottom three last week, Brooke is pulling out all the stops. Every other second she is making one of those gentle & pious "love me" looks into the camera where she stares off deeply into thought....ug, so irritating. Almost as much as David Cooks "give back." hand. Ok...this just may be the bitchy queen in me, but all of these "stripped down/introverted" reflection numbers need to come to a halt. Like...not every week has to be so fragile and quiet and subdued. I want the American Idol of past seasons where Kelly would dance around in a man's tie and hat while singing "Natural Woman"...I want Carrie Underwood to bust out from the side of the stage with crazy eighties hair wailing Heart's "Alone"...I want Sanjaya to make little girls cry again. I WANT SOME VARIETY. Anyway...Brooke is a tad boring. Her shirt is covered with the remnants of a strawberry rhubarb pie that exploded all over her just before she went on. Her vocals are as decent as always, but seriously...I couldn't care less. I just don't get this appeal, and I think both her and Castro are going to be in trouble real soon if they don't so something to shake up the snorefests that their performances are quickly becoming.
Randy loves it. Then Brooke spouts out...honestly for no reason...that she loves her father and husband and friends and music teacher and puppies and fresh apple strudel and memories and whiskers on kittens. Paula grew up to that song and remembers her sister playing the living beJesus out of it. She says she loves her to which Brooke is mad weird and says "I love you too" back. Simon thought it was like a pleasant walk in the park and Brooke makes those humbled overly appreciative faces that made Melinda Doolittle just a teensy bit irritating last season. He then says she wasn't original, but that she did a good job overall.
My Grade: B
Safe?
- David Archuleta cuz Simon says so.
- Jason Castro for singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" in an unconventional way and bathing the audience in rainbow sunlight.
- Michael Johns for his "oh-face".
In Danger?
- Carly Smithson cuz the judges feel a constant need to unfairly trash all over her.
- David Cook cuz what the hell was that?
- Kristy Lee Cook cuz she's been in the bottom three every week so far...so why stop now?
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