Tonight's show is comprised of songs that were released during the birth years of our lovely ten remaining contestants. Fitting with this theme, the intro videos are made of baby pictures and videos of the Idols being cute (and sometimes hideous). Blah...let's get this sentimental borefest over.
Ramiele Maboobaloo- So we are shown some hideous photos of Boobaloo with nasty freaky spiked baby troll hair. Quite fitting with her rabid image, her parents tell us that up until the age of three, she used to bite people for no reason. But then magically she started singing instead (oh thank goodness). Boobaloo then tells us that she was always getting into trouble as a kid...the trend has continued into young adulthood, though instead of being scolded by her parents for biting the living shit out of people, she gets scolded by the judges for singing terribly. She ends her stupid video saying something along the lines of how she needs to prove to America that she still deserves to be in the competition. Humph...good luck bitch.
She is singing "Alone" by Heart, which is slowly becoming the new "I Have Nothing" since it seems as though a contestant or two each season feels a need to tackle it...though no one can do the original justice. Well, except for maybe Carrie Under-bot, who rocked it pretty hard fourth season. But I highly doubt that Boobaloo will come even close to such a supremely impressive performance. She is wearing some shirt that leaves her shoulder (and bra strap) bare for the world to see. She has hideous lipstick on and with the lighting and the angle of the camera, it looks almost like she has a pube-mustache sprouting under her nose. Her eyes look all teary and I fancy the idea that she is crying because her high-waisted shorts make her ass look baggy and gross. She handles the quiet parts of the song decently, but when the big notes come, Maboobaloo's voice goes bolting for the exit. She cracks on a lot of the crucial parts of the chorus and then when she returns back to the gentle verse, her voice just sounds exhausted and not that good. I think she has a nice tone (sometimes), but her time is running out...and quickly.
Randy says that she was sick...which I guess I sympathize with...even though Kelly Clarkson nearly lost her damn voice halfway through the first season of Idol, but she was still incredible...so that excuse isn't really too valid. He says that it was pitchy and that the song was too big for her...which I guess is true. Paula, who I must mention is wearing the most hideous gloves in the world (elbow-length black gloves, with the fingers cut off and a million different bracelets and rings bedazzling her forearms), said that she was brave...which I also guess she is. But brave could also mean incredibly foolish in this situation. Almost as foolish as Paula is for wearing a giant sparkling Brillo pad as a dress. Simon pusses out on me and sticks up for the little runt and says that the performance wasn't as bad as Randy made it out to be. He thought that it was much better than last week...which really isn't too big of a compliment.
My Grade: C+
Jason Castro- So Crazy Hair was a funky looking little baby. He thinks that he might be an Aries and contemplates out loud whether or not he knows how to pronounce the word properly...or something. Whatever, he seems high. He has cute eyes when he was a kid and we are shown a video of him playing this electronic guitar when he was three or something. He's adorable and cute and everything you'd expect him to be.
He will be singing song boring-ass Sting song. It's all acoustic and shit and he has his guitar and there is fake marijuana smoke bellowing in off the side of the stage, just to get the authentic Castro jam session experience down to a tee. His eyes are extra sparkly tonight and his outfit is as awkwardly ugly as usual. His voice is very quiet this week...more than usual. He is extra-mellowed out and it sounds as though he is singing too softly to be really differentiated from the background singers. But then again, I think that is the way the song is supposed to be...very gentle and light...not bogged down by a heavy production value.
Randy throws the "that's one of my favorite songs" lines out that he always uses when he wants to rip someone a new one. He thought it was "nice" but definitely "not different" from the original in anyway, which seems to show a lack of creativity. Paula also uses her golden calling card of the season--"stay true to who you are"-- which basically means, "you kinda sucked, but hey, at least you're kooky and different." She called it safe. Simon follows up with a personal claim that Castro simply isn't taking this competition seriously anymore. I can see where he is coming from, but I don't think it is a lack of care, but instead a sense of getting lost. I feel like Castro is getting thrown off track and is having trouble staying focused on making his performances unique and interesting, while still trying to remain loyal to the sound that gained him all the praise and attention from earlier this season. Simon then says he sounded like a homeless man outside a subway bumming for nickels with a raggedy old guitar and whiskey-strained vocals. Castro... fucking be awesome again!
My Grade: B-
Syesha Mercado- Little Avocado was adorable when she was younger, even though the only shots we really see of her consist of her dressed up in hideous pseudo-cheer leading, pseudo-slutty spandex dance suits. Her abrasive-looking mother and Hispanic father say some shit about something and then Syesha does that upsetting baby voice thing she freaked us all out with a few ago. She then tells us that even though she's 21 and a sorta-celebrity now, she is still just a big goofball and we are shown clips of her being kooky and funny and whatever...just sing.
She is singing some song called "If I Were Your Woman" and like a lot of Avocado's other performances, her vocals are above average, but the song is just dreadfully uninteresting. She eye-flirts with the camera and makes some great emotive faces throughout. Her vocals are spot-on and at one point she goes into the dangerous whistle-falsetto zone that only champs like Mariah seem to come out of unscathed. She hits some high notes and more or less delivers a stellar performance. However, I am becoming concerned with Syesha's tendency to sound too old-fashioned. She sometimes delivers very wonderful, but also very classic and familiar performances that are great talent wise, but easily forgettable with more interesting contestants like David Cook and Carly Smithson mixing things up. Is she safe? Yeah. Her vocals were great. But can I really see someone so conventional win this season? Not really at all.
Randy thought it was her best performance so far, and I'll give him that. He calls it "stellar" which her vocals were and then throws in kind of under his breath, that she looks "blazing hot." Oh...that's...weird. Paula says that everyone will remember that this is "the moment where Syesha slipped it and became the dark horse." It makes kind of sense...but seriously, I'm sure once a few more contestants go up, we won't even really remember this performance. Simon thought it was the best performance so far tonight, which he laughs and self-admittedly means very little since the previous two performance were kind of sucky. He then brings up an interesting and easily debatable point that her voice has some limitations that may prevent her from really letting loose. I might understand what he means...but I still think that she was strong enough tonight to get her through to the next round.
My Grade: B+
Jacuzzi- Chickezie could very well be the cutest little kid in the history of the world. He had the biggest, most beautiful eyes in the entire world and there is a picture of him all dressed up in a little suit and it would probably make me go blind if I saw it again. He has Nigerian parents (we already know this!) that love religion and education and something something something.
He is singing "If Only For One Night" and from the title alone, I am already bored to death. The song starts kind of uneventful until Jacuzzi perks up and does some nice falsetto. The jacket he is wearing looks stained by some sort of unmentionable liquid held under a black light. He moves himself across the stage with such purpose and intent and focus on the audience that he seems almost like one of those possibly insane preachers that goes into the front row and knocks people over claiming God is molesting his body as a vessel for his supreme powers or something. This feeling is further stressed when he reaches down into the audience to grab a bunch of chaotically screaming girls. Once again I start to get bored, but halfway through the best gets all funky and soulful and the Jacuzzi I regrettably liked starts to come out of his shell. Near the end he belts a power note that just keeps going and going and going, rising in pitch every so often, and it's quite impressive.
Randy confuses the fuck out of me and says that it was "old-school" but in a bad way. Paula mumbles and spurts out a compliment or two, followed by a "great job" and another one of her spiels about "textures." Simon thought the performance was aight, but a little too (and I called it out loud RIGHT before he said it) "cheesy" with the hand holding and the dreamy eyes and all that goofy shit. Jacuzzi tries to defend himself and say that it was all for the audience, and Simon's all like "Fuck you, bitch...it's for the votes and you know it."
My Grade: B
Brooke White- So aside from being a kind of elephant child baby, Brooke was also (guess...no, come on...guess), in love with music! She distinctly remembers being like two and her parents brought home a piano. We are led to believe that she is some kind of Mozart child prodigy, cuz her parents tell us that she could hear a song on the TV and instantly learn how to play it on the piano. Pretty impressive. We are then shown a very unflattering shot of her sitting by the piano wearing huge nerd-festival glasses and looking mad weird. I guess it's cute and all...but I wish that there was some variety to these stories...like I get it...you want to be a musician, that's why you're on American Idol...isn't there something else, aside from music, that you liked as a child?
She is singing "Every Breath You Take" and I immediately role my eyes...and this is why: The Police fall into my category of bands that I seriously do not give a shit about...along with U2, Green Day and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, upon hearing the names of those bands I automatically am turned off cuz seriously...America...listen to something else. I get it...they are four really talented bands, but Jesus Christ...get off their rods for one fucking second and give other bands a chance. Stop glorifying them like they are the greatest musicians in the entire world. And alright...the Police aren't really active in the music scene right now, so...America...stop constantly harping back to how great they were...STOP! STOP! STOP! Oh...and U2 seriously blows. Ok...now that THAT is out of my system, I can begin. Brooke is singing that "Every Breath You Take" song that everyone automatically thinks is really sweet, when it is actually quite terrifying when you listen to the lyrics. She is seated at the piano and starts the song. She fucks up the first chord/word though, and starts over and I laugh. For the first half of the song there is no band playing. Just Brooke...and the piano. Hm...If I remember correctly, this is the same exact thing she did with "Let It Be." Brooke....seriously, stop trying to milk the whole "I'm a gentle flower child with a lot of feelings who just wants to play my piano and sing"...cuz it is getting staler than the novelty of Danny Noriega's homosexuality. Anyway, Brooke's ugly old lady fingers tickle the keys and her voice is decent. The band kicks in halfway through during the bridge, and I wouldn't say it ruins the song, but it really detracts from the subtle sweetness of the earlier, stripped half. Yes, I don't like Brooke...but I admit, she is a decent performer with a nice voice. Ug!
Randy thought it was a "great song" and that he liked when she messed up in the beginning...cuz it showed that she was a real musician...? He didn't like the arrangement, especially when Ricky Minor and the band popped in the middle. Skeletor with her long blacks bejeweled gloves liked it a lot more than last week and is glad that Brooke has found her niche...aka being the dirty hippy girl of the top 10. Simon agrees with Randy that the performance was ruined when the band came in, but that aside from that...it was "fantastic." Whoa...hold it right there tiger...that's a little heavy. It was "nice" and "cute" and "thoughtful" and "sweet"...but I would not say "fantastic." But whatever...I still irrationally dislike her.
My Grade: B+
Michael Johns- He was born in Australia (duh) and was an adorably handsome little kid. He is a Libra, which means he is "well-balanced" or something. He then counteracts that statement by saying that he used to have a terrible temper. As we have been told several times before...he loved tennis when he was younger and used to think he would grow up to play it professionally. Aw!
So he will be singing a meshing of "We Will Rock You" and "We Are the Champions" to which all sports fans in the world get on their feet and start the universal clapping/stomping beat that everyone does at every sports game ever. "Clap-Clap-STOMP! Clap-Clap-STOMP!" As soon as it starts I think to myself...damn man, if you can pull this off then you are golden. And he does. His vocals are strong from first to last and there is great vindication in his facial expressions and his eye fucks the camera and causes the front row of screaming girls to go apeshit. I don't really know what else to say. The song swells like it always does and is very dramatic, and Johns is right in the middle belting the shit out of it, basking in all the fucking spotlight glory that the song provides. But he deserves it...and it was awesome.
Randy thought it was his best performance so far...and I agree. Skeletor says it was a "shining moment"??? Which I ignore. Simon says that this is the first time in the competition that he has seen any sort of "star potential" in Johns, and that he "just got it [the performance] right." He also throws in a snide remark to the other contestants, saying that it was the only memorable performance so far tonight. Ha. Take that Brooke featuring piano!
My Grade: A
Carly Smithsonian- As a baby, our Irish darling had hair that was puffed out and curly and terrifying. But aside from the "ridiculous" hair...she was still a cute little kid. Her adorable parents get on screen and tell us that when she was about to be born, her mother didn't know what she wanted to name the child, so as she was being rushed to the hospital, she heard Carly Simon on the radio and scribbled that first name on her hand...and the rest is history. CUTE! I love that shit. Carly says that she always wanted to be a popstar...and I'm like, of course you did Carly...of course you did.
She says that she will be singing "Totaly Eclipse of the Heart" and I freak...like bitch, if you nail this, you'll be like Michael Johns and be a mother fucking GOD. Her voice starts very vulnerable...which is something we don't hear that often. She has the strength to her voice that she always does, but she does offer little moments of subtlety which are very nice. There is an effectively engaging dynamic created between Carly and the middle background singer as they volley their vocals back and forth and I'm really feeling this performance. Halfway through, it starts to get rocking and the spirit of Amanda Overmyer is brought on stage and guitars kick in and it gets pretty awesome. The song builds in intensity and climaxes with Carly doing this fucking awesome belt that is absolutely perfect. She is making her terrifying goblin-witch face, and she looks as though she is about to collapse on stage...but she is phenomenal. Now, however, I think back to the Michael Johns performance...and I notice a flaw. Whereas Johns really made the song an experience and got the crowd excited...Carly seems to just sing (very fucking well) the song. I feel, even though she kicked the songs ass, that the performance was just an American Idol performance...it didn't reach the multi-layered atmosphere of John's performance.
Randy didn't love it and starts immediately harping on how the last note was sharp...which I don't really think it was...and even so, it was still awesome. Paula says that Carly could sing every song that she dislikes, and she would make her end up enjoying them. Aw...Paula...when you actually make sense, you are kind of sweet. Simon thought that "something didn't quite work" and that Carly needs to lighten up. I hear that...I want to see fun Carly again. Since the top twelve started, we've only seen kind of dramatic and somber performances...do something light-hearted! Randy then chimes in some more about the last note...SHUT UP!
My Grade: B+
Jim Henson Presents: David Archuleta- So he was even a Muppet when he was a baby. A freaky little creature with an even scarier (stage)father. Anyway...as he grew up, Archuleta got kind of adorable, especially when his mother forced he and his sister to dress up in all white and where huge sombreros and dance around while being videotaped. Cute (and weird)!
He is singing "You're the Voice" which I have never heard of. The song starts really low and really fucking weird. I don't get it at all. The beginning is like kind of on this beat, but the rest of the song doesn't really follow it and it's confusing and bizarre and I wonder why Archuleta thought this was the best song from the year of his birth...which I seriously think is like 1991 (ah! I'm so old!). I think this may win the award for worst song choice this season thus far. It makes no sense, and David's awesome voice gets nearly drowned out by the background singers/music. He sings wells...but the song really murders him. David...come on. You're no longer the only contestant delivering solid performances...you need to step it up!
Randy thought it was a fucking weird song choice...though he sang it "very nice." Paula uses her goofy phonebook euphemism that means she likes his voice, but hated the song. Simon thought that, in parts, in was very good but that as a whole, he didn't like it. Reminiscent of a "theme park performance," which I totally understand. He then says that he was expected a bunch of cartoon characters to come out on stage and dance around...and I'm like...Simon, David is alright out there.
My Grade: C+
Kristy Lee Cook- She's still here for some reason and we are forcefed annoying pictures of her smiling and being cute. We are shown a perverted video of her singing in a bathing suit and are then told that when she was younger, she never shut the fuck up. To the point where the would seriously piss people off. But now, everyone welcomes her singing (ha...yeah right).
She walks out on stage looking especially "earthy" like she is attempting to look like Brooke and get some votes for it. But OH MY GOD. She starts singing and I don't even see what she is wearing anymore. The song is some goofy ass, lame stupid "God Bless the USA" song that is absolutely nauseating and cliche and terrible. What the hell? To appeal to the hicks of the country, Kristy turns from being a dumbass country girl to a conservative Bush loving creepfest. Now of course, these are all assumptions I am making, but when I see that digital American flag wave behind her on that giant screen, I admit that I feel ill. She only sings half the notes right and really butchers the big ones. It's like a terrible 4th of July picnic performance that you think is great cuz you can only sorta hear it, because you've already gone deaf from the fireworks. After I heave and cry and punch my TV, I wait for the judges to rip it apart.
But they don't...?!?!? Randy thought it was pitchy...but very nice???? Yet you gave Carly a fucking shitstorm cuz she may or may not have sung one note a little sharp? You suck. Paula thought it was poignant and even though she is a bad singer, her voice is finally getting stronger. NO! She still isn't good. And Simon thought it was the best performance for her so far and that it was the most clever song choice he's seen on the show in years. I guess so...considering all the fucking southern votes that will be swimming Kristy's way now. Ew...I feel sick.
My Grade: C
David Cook- David was a disgusting little baby. His forehead was twice the size of any other part of his body and he looked like one of those aliens from old movies with the gigantic skull that houses some sort of all-powerful brain. We are shown a bunch of terrifying pictures that he parents took of him, where he is making goofy faces and looking alien-like. He was given his first guitar when he was two and blah blah blah.
He is singing the Chris Cornell (lead singer of Soundgarden/Audioslave) version of "Bille Jean." Now, I have heard this cover and it is amazing. What I don't get though, is why David would take on an overly stylized cover and and overly stylized song and do absolutely nothing to it. The cover is acoustic and soft and very very creepy, and that's what made Cornell's version so engaging....that it really showed a new side to the song. So almost to cash in on this and hope that the majority of America is too stupid to realize that Chris Cornell already did this, he takes it on and I can't help but feel, pretend that it was his idea to make the song quiet and acoustic. Ug! Anyway...for once he doesn't have his guitar and it works out to his advantange. His voice is decent and he hits this really kick ass long note at the end...that is not only impressive, but could be one of the best notes I have ever heard on Idol. The song kind of has that ominious "Eleanor Rigby" feeling from a few weeks ago that I really didn't dig...but more or less...it's a good performance.
Randy thought it was the most original (AHHH!H!H!H!H!H! NO IT'S NOT!) performance he's ever seen. Paula is standing and seal-clapping and looking like a Skeletor monster and then she blathers something about him winning the competition. Simon thought it was "brave" and "amazing" (ajhajhahahahharfhsghdfgrd;gd;/......NO! It's not original!). Oh whatever...he still sang it well, but stop giving him kudos for it being original...he didn't make the cover!
My Grade: B+
Safe?
- David Cook for kidnapping the idea of an acoustic "Billie Jean"...and getting away with it.
- Michael Johns for rocking me and proving that he is the champion.
- Brooke White for singing the Police just like how she sang "Let It Be"...and getting away with it.
In Danger?
- Kristy Lee Cook for exploiting goofy patriotism and making me feel incredibly disgusted.
- Jason Castro for not doing anything different...ever.
- Maboobaloo, just because...AGAIN!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Top 11 - The Beatles - Part Deux
Okay, so since we didn't hear enough Beatles songs massacred last week, we will once again be revisiting the classic catalogue with a collection of pseudo-decent verging on mediocre performances tonight. This week's "Getting To Know You" video intro for each idol will give the contestants a chance to recount their favorite moment so far in the competition...cuz you know, it would be silly to wait and have this question further on when they've had more moments to choose from. The producers of this show are seriously wacked. Starting us off tonight is...
Amanda Overmyer - In her lame intro video, we are told that Amanda's favorite part in the competition so far has been playing on the "big stage." Duh! Like, since Amanda is such a rocker and is so unconventional, she is only used to playing on flatbed trucks. She's so hardcore! Seriously though, I am a little scared of her. She tells us that she will be singing "Back In the U.S.S.R." and that she is going to "throw some black eyeliner on it" which I take as a terribly unfortunate threat to the poor Beatles song.
Because she is such a rocker, the song begins with Amanda growling at the audience, "are you ready?" with little response from the terrified lambs in the front row who are droned into clapping like a bunch of seals, all at different times ignoring any sort of beat or unity. Amanda is dressed like that annoying goth girl Amy Lee who leads Evanescence. She's wearing this odd black vest that is rather tight and shows off Skunk-Girl's quite manly shoulders/arms. Her singing is as it always is...confusing. I have come to the conclusion that she doesn't really sing as she simply wails along with the band. It works sometimes, but it is definitely getting old. There are times when she "gets really into it" where she starts to shake and almost looks as though she is going to explode. A little nauseating, I start to get really anxious when I watch Amanda and also quite bored. In all honesty, I have a feeling that if you were to play all of Amanda's performances thus far, back to back, the similarity between the songs would be striking and a bit repetitive. Yes Amanda, we know you rock. But does that mean you deserve to be in the competition still?
Randy thought it was the perfect song choice, which I guess is alright. This is one of the most "rocking" Beatles songs out there, so it fits. Though it was pitchy in some parts, he thought it picked up near the middle and kind of redeemed itself. Paula thought she was ahead of the beat, which I don't think could even be true, considering that Amanda doesn't really pay attention to things like timing or melody, rather preferring to just bark and yell over the band. Paula wishes she would do a ballad or something which I agree. I can imagine her doing that Janis Joplin song "Me and Bobby McGee" and I think that it would show a really vulnerable side of her that might be very effective. Simon thought it was predictable and a mess and boring. Amanda tells the judges to fuck off and that she hates ballads and that she refuses to do anything more than the same old shtick we have seen every week thus far. The audience goes nuts at her rebellion and she throws her mannish arms into the air and screams and it's really really frightening.
My Grade: B-
Kristy Lee Cook - So Kristy reflects on how she has been consistently in the bottom two for the past like five weeks, which I think should be a sign that her ass needs to be kicked to the Idol curb. She knows nothing about the Beatles apparently and that she randomly chose "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away" cuz the title was "good." Oh Jesus. She is seriously going to murder the living fuck out of one of my favorite Beatles songs.
The performance opens with the spotlight directly on Kristy and the sparkling curtain she ripped out of Ryan's dressing room to wear as a dress. Her voice reminds me of Stevie Nicks, though not nearly as good or comfortable or genuine or human. Her vibrato is in full force this week and she knows she's the one to go home this week. She constantly blinks her dead eyes to the camera and it's distracting. Her vocals aren't terrible, but then she hits the chorus and even though she plays with the beat of the background vocals in a cool on-and-off dynamic kind of way, as soon as she sings "hide your love away" she completely abandons any melody and just sings some random fucking notes. She seems completely disconnected from the song, like she doesn't even give a shit. Even though she belts the last note very well, she looks as though she has already been voted off and is singing her farewell track. Looking defeated, she's like a Carrie Underwood-Robot only not a good singer.
Randy loves that Beatles song but thought the arrangement was "interesting" aka real shitty. He agrees with me and says that she didn't show nearly enough emotion to make the performance even close to being good. He also calls Kristy out on singing the melody of the song completely wrong. Paula latches onto that comment, but since she is such a nice (drunk) person, she follows it up with how this is "the best she's ever looked," to which I say, "well duh, bitch, you both shopped at the same store." Just to note, Paula is wearing quite possibly the ugliest sparkle-shaking shirt ever made that needs to be sent back to the age of disco, where it was spawned from. Simon thinks she needs some heavy brain hypnotizing...cuz she is a terrible performing. He calls her wallpaper, and then says that she's only memorable when she's absolutely terrible, to which Paula bursts out into laughter. Ha! Kristy then says that she will "blow you [Simon] out of her socks," and every one's minds go to the gutter and everyone laughs and Kristy realizes she just offered to blow Simon on national television. Good luck tomorrow night girl.
My Grade: C
David Archuleta - So every one's favorite Muppet is still adorable. His most memorable moment was when he forgot his lyrics last week...AW! I feel bad for David, cuz he is such a sweet kid, but rumor has it that he has a terrifyingly controlling stage-father who like sits in on all his rehearsals and yells at him and makes him cry! NO! Get your hand out of my Muppet David's ass! Anyway, in the video he also tells us that he will be singing "The Long and Winding Road" and he and his awkward eyebrows smile and giggle and I can't get over how damn precious this kid is. He hopes he remembers all his lyrics this week :giggle:...AW!
He is sharply dressed in a nice suit jacket and his hair is all jostled about. He is instantly on the second he second he hits the stage. There is not much to say about the performance. It's really great. A sea of annoying waving hands lay out before David. The puppet emotes the living fuck out of the song and swells with the big notes and comes back down perfectly with the low notes. He finishes and gets a standing ovation from the audience. The camera gives a quick shot to David's father who looks big-armed and threatening clapping his monstrously huge hands together.
Randy, who by the way is wearing some coral shell bracelet, thought that David was back on his A-game today, though he could have afforded to jazz it up a little more. Paula blathers about purity and rising above adversity and cocaine and ponies and colors and I'm not listening. Simon thought it was "amazing" to which the entire audience of high school girls SCREEEEEAAAAAAM. It was a "master class."
My Grade: B+
Michael Johns - Michael and his hideous brimmed hat tells us that he was proud of himself in Hollywood week for singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" and actually being praised by Simon. He informs us that he will be singing "A Day In the Life" and prefaces his performance by telling us that it was difficult to cram such a long song (6 minutes) into only 1 minute, which is an instant red flag to me.
The performance starts slow and he strolls to the front of the stage in his Michael Johns kind of way. He is dressed with a loosened tie and his shirt sleeves rolled up like he is unwinding after a long day at the office. The problem he mentioned in his video becomes apparent when the song shifts from the slow kind of solace beginning to the jumpy middle section that is beckoned in by a ringing bell and a change of tempo. This song is way too grand of a track to be condensed for American Idol, and I think his performance really suffers from this fact. It feels like a poorly put together collection of three separate songs, that don't really mesh well with one another. Michael's vocals are strong, especially when he wails, but the arrangement is weird to the point that it is distracting. It also doesn't help that the camera man thinks it is a good idea to spin around Michael like fifteen times, making me not only confused by the performance but also dizzy and nauseated. Also, Michael is prone to making these hideous moaning "oh" faces with his eyes shut and his mouth slacked open and head cocked upward like his basking in some glorious rays of holy sunlight.
Randy thought it wasn't one of his best. He has that "big ole' voice" and hasn't yet found a song to really display it. Paula claims that it's the monitors in the contestant's ears that can mess them up...which doesn't really make sense, especially since a) the shitty arrangement of the song would still be terrible regardless of whether there was anything in Michael's ears or not and b) we later discover that he doesn't have the hearing receivers in his ears, so there is no excuse...so shut up Paula. Simon thinks she's drunk and refuses to believe that phony excuse. He thought it was a mess and overly complicated and that Michael really needs to "start sorting" himself out. I agree. I feel like both Michael and Jason have been coasting on the strength of their earlier performances. You can sing, boy! Now find a song that really let's you do it!
My Grade: B-
Brooke White - Ryan calls Brooke "the sweetest person alive" and I believe this statement to be true...which I think may be one of the reasons why I sorta am put off by her. She is too innocent and cutesy. She obviously picks her cry-fest last week as her most memorable moment so far on Idol and that she is overwhelmed about this week and attempting to follow-up the critically acclaimed "Let It Be" from last week. She is performing "Here Comes the Sun" of course.
She starts singing crippled on the pointless stairs. She is wearing some sort of hideous multi-layered crepe-like yellow dress. Everything on stage is yellow and it's so predictably bright and shiny that I start to feel sick to my stomach. She stands up and head to a mic stand in the middle of the stage, but not before attempting to be overly endearing and twirling around like a ballerina while letting out a playful "woo!" that makes me cringe. Her vocals are alright, but everytime she does the token "do do do do" part of the song, she sounds real goofy and uncomfortable. The beautiful sunchild awkwardly dances around the mic stand like she's in some drug-induced state of euphoria. Her arms keep jutting out to the sides and she is swiveling around attempting to flair out her dress ("Stop trying to make your dress twirl! You look like an asshole!" - Sam). She then starts to hit some really bad bum notes and all the sparkling teeth in her mouth can't salvage this cheese-fest.
Randy makes embarrassing note of the "woo" and the shitty dancing. "Awkward" is how he describes the performance. She looks crushed upon hearing his criticism and begins aggressively agreeing with every single thing Randy says. Randy says that she never really connected to the song. I agree. Paula "can't help but smile" when she sees her and then lies and says that she has a great low tone...no she doesn't. Simon calls it "terrible" and "wet" (?). Brooke starts interrupting him from the get-go and tries oh-so-hard to jump in and say that she knows and agrees and blah blah blah. Just let him talk. Brooke then yells "LISTEN!" and awkwardly shuts up the judges to say something unimportant. More bantering takes place and all I keep thinking is that Brooke is slowly loosing her mind. She has done this before..the second any negativity comes her way, she starts to rattle on and on and on about nothing, in what seems to be an attempt to accept the negativity and move on past it as soon as possible. She needs to chill out.
My Grade: C+
David Cook - ...or Mr. Chowder as my house mates and I like to inexplicably call him. His most memorable moment so far was last week when Simon said he could win the show. He then talks about being a rocker and is self-indulgent and it's a little pretentious. He will be singing "Day Tripper."
Of course he has guitar in tow and he starts the performance with a strong guitar lick. There are two mic stands in front of him and I am confused. Even though he has those obnoxious rocker facial expressions down pat and his air looks like it hasn't been washed in seven weeks. His voice at times reminds me of the lead singer of Fuel, which is a good thing. Mr. Chowder's voice is very strong and sturdy and hits the low notes perfectly, but there is just something slightly off-putting by his whole uber-hardcore style. Like...the hair...the all black...the guitar...the loosened tie around his neck...it all feels just oh so formulaic. Regardless though, he sings extremely well and belts and does all the shit I expect him to. At times he sounds like he is saying "gay stripper" and I begin to think that the performance is dedicated to David Hernandez...cute. Halfway through he moves over to the other mic stand and starts using one of those voicebox tube things that always make an artist seem ten times more musical than they actually are.
Randy thought it was "solid" and offered variety. I agree...David's performances always have multiple elements that keep him fresh. Paula things he is ready to sell records...and unlike many of the other contestants, his voice seems to be radio-ready. Simon thought it "wasn't as good as you [he] thought it was." He thinks David has lost his element of surprise, which I think is a lie. Simon didn't like how "smug" he was and I totally get it. Then Ryan flirts like he will use the voicebox but then he doesn't and he's a LAME-O!
My Grade: B+
Carly Smithson - So her and her cute accent's favorite moment was last week when Simon said that she was Kelly Clarkson. She will be singing "Blackbird" and I am very apprehensive cuz this song is so so so mellow and quiet and I don't know if Carly will be able to do it justice with her (if I may, Randy) "big ole voice."
And I think I am right. In all honesty, her voice is just waaaaaay too big for the song and its limitations. There aren't a lot of opportunities for her to belt or really showcase her voice. Of course, her tone is wonderful and for once she goes really look like a goblin this performance. Her eyes are piercing and her hair is beautiful. Her dress is absolutely hideous, but whatever...bitch can sing. She looks kind of like a Kindergarten teacher (says Christina) singing her class to sleep and the entire audience is waving their hands back and forth.
Randy thought it was very cool..."cooliosous"? Paula loves the arrangement, the performance and the entire season. She then gives her an F...which means Fantastic...not Failure. Simon thought it was retarded to pick that song. "Indulgent" flies out of his mouth...and Carly starts doing the one thing I really really really hate which is when a contestant starts to explain their connection to the song as if it validates a mediocre performance. But she was good...the song just didn't fit her. Then Randy says something about cream cheese.
My Grade: B
Jason Castro - He was thrilled to sing "Hallelujah" a few weeks ago even though he hit a bum note at the end. Castro is mad goofy and doofy and oofy. He laughs at awkward moments and doesn't really know what he is saying most of the time. He starts blathering about the origins of "my bell" or something I dunno. He explains how he had to learn French to sing the song, which I think deserves some sort of praise. I also think that this song will fit him like a glove.
He is wearing the tightest parents in the entire world. He smiles like a goofball and starts to look like some sort of animated character. Maybe Castro was created by the Jim Henson puppet workshop along with Archuleta. His singing is decent...if maybe just a little boring. He is guitarless this week which has left him to just walk around on stage waving his arms around listlessly and it is a little a awkward. He doesn't feel completely connected with the song, or even that thrilled to be performing. He has a nice voice, but I am beginning to realize that it is one of the (dare I say) weaker ones in the competition. He is a good performer, but just focusing on his voice, it's a little frail. He stares dreamily into the camera and plays with he dreads and is endearing.
Randy just thought it was "interesting" aka bad...and said that it was a little too subdued for him. Castro starts blathering about something and Randy indulges him. Paula thinks the female population of the world wants to sleep with him. She also, surprisingly, makes a great point and says that he always seems disconnected when he leaves his guitar. Simon thinks the producers are retarded for doing this Beatles two weeks in a row, since last week was good, and this week is mediocre at best. Simon also says that Jason should be glad that this is a television show...not a radio show. Basically, he thinks that he emotes the song well with his handsome face and goofy smile. His vocals are kind of sliding I think. My both of my two favorites from earlier this season (Castro and Johns) really need to step it up and show something different formidable...with people like Jacuzzi and David Cook coming to the forefront of the competition, they really need to keep themselves relevant. There's only so far a kooky hairstyle can get you!
My Grade: B-
Syesha Avocado - First off, she looks beautiful this week. Her hair is straightened and she has this earthy-toned summer dress on and she looks much older and much more dignified. She remembers Hollywood week, but she is more haunted by last week when she was in the bottom three. She reflects on how she thinks it gave her a kick in the butt to do better, and I totally agree. She is going to be singing "Yesterday" because she remembered singing it in one of those middle school Beatles medleys that every single school district puts on to appease their hippy-turned-business parent's younger selves.
She is seated on a stool looking humble and fragile and there is this little man next to her playing the acoustic guitar. Her face is absolutely stunning and she really fucking works the hell out of this song. She belts midway through and is incredible. She tries to do the Mariah Carey whistle-falsetto, and only half does it. Aside from that little squeaky mess, I think that this performance is her strongest so far and that it is genuine and moving and like Brooke's performance last week...only not irritating.
Randy thought it was a "very...very...VERY good performance." Paula loves the vulnerability and the guitar player Paul. Paula wants her to connect with the audience more. Shut up Paula! Simon thought it was her best...not incredible...but the best song choice this nice. He compares her to Eva Cassidy and then says that Brooke should have sang this song instead of that terrible sunshine mess from earlier this night. Is she safe? Simon thinks so. WAY TO GO S-YES-sha!
My Grade: B+
Jacuzzi - I'm curious to see if this guy will deliver another stellar performance, since he seriously kicked everyone's ass last week. He loves Hollywood and we are shown a video of him running around on stage yelling which is then tied into his performance last week and how he bugged out after Simon called him "terrific." He then more or less threatens Ryan Seacrest to not touch his face ever again. His favorite Beatle? John Lennon. Real original. But Jacuzzi isn't so predictable, he will be singing a Paul McCartney song, and since everyone else seems to be playing an instrument this season, he said that he is gonna try to as well.
He starts singing some sort of R.Kelly remix of the song with his milky smooth vocals and it's okay...if maybe a little too mellow for my taste.......oh wait...what? Nevermind? He rips out a harmonica and plays it and I don't know how I feel about it. Like...if he hadn't had mentioned in the video that he was picking up a random instrument and playing it during his performance, I would have liked it more, but since it is already prerevealed that he will be butchering the song with a myterdy instrumet, when it finally happens and I less than impressed. He then starts channeling the Jacuzzi from last week and does the soulful rocker wailing that made last week's performance incredible. He starts to sing low and kind of sounds like Bill "Puddin' Pop" Cosby for a few seconds. He ends the performance with the harmonica, and in all honesty, even though he sings (very) well, I found the whole performance quite gimmicky and predictable.
Randy thought there were good and bad parts. The slow beginning was bad, the up-tempo middle was good and the harmonica was really weird. Paula thinks Jacuzzi is "showing who he is"... which she has said 437 times so far this eason. Simon thought it was going fine until the amauterish harmonica...then it turned into the "Achy Breaky Heart"...haha. It felt like a howdown. And then Simon calls it "Gimmicky" and I pat myself on the back. Yes!
My Grade: B
Ramile Maboobaloo - She loves all the friends she has made! She calls Brooke her den-mother and David her big brother and we are shown her hugging everyone in the world and making that annoying "oh-low" sound she constantly keeps doing in an attempt to be cute.
She is singing "Should Have Known Better" and right from the beginning it is a mess. Jacuzzi is on the harmonica in the background and the song just kind of strums along without any real emotion. She is dressed like Asia'h Epperson (remember her?) and looks a little plump and she smiles goofy at the audience. Her vocals are kind of off throughout the entire performance. She has out of place weird belting that doesn't work. She seems only a quarter dedicated to the song, with the other three quarters feeling awkward and out of place.
Randy thought it was just "eh." Paula says that it was much better than last week and thinks that she should only sing ballads cuz the upbeat shit isn't working. But then when she does sing ballads, she is boring as fuck. So basically Maboobaloo...GO HOME. You don't fit in anywhere and all your goofy sounds and spunky teen personality can't put you above the rest of the competition...well maybe Kristy. But she's an (untalented) singing robot, so that's not hard. Simon thought that Jacuzzi was on harmonica, which he means as an insult, and Maboobaloo knows he means it as an insult, which is hilariously awesome. He thinks that everyone chose mediocre songs this night that did nothing for their voices. Paula tries to do damage control and yells out "but you're a great singer!" Haha...come on Paula..."great?" Really? Maybe "not shitty...sometimes" but definitely not "great."
My Grade: C+
Safe?
- David Archuleta for still being the lovable scamp America wants him to be.
- David Cook for deliver another solid rock-remix of a classic song.
- Carly Smithson for being Carly Smithson.
In Danger?
- Kristy Lee Cook for being a malfunctioning Underwood-bot.
- Brooke White for being so sugary sweet that she gives America cavities.
- Maboobaloo, just because.
Amanda Overmyer - In her lame intro video, we are told that Amanda's favorite part in the competition so far has been playing on the "big stage." Duh! Like, since Amanda is such a rocker and is so unconventional, she is only used to playing on flatbed trucks. She's so hardcore! Seriously though, I am a little scared of her. She tells us that she will be singing "Back In the U.S.S.R." and that she is going to "throw some black eyeliner on it" which I take as a terribly unfortunate threat to the poor Beatles song.
Because she is such a rocker, the song begins with Amanda growling at the audience, "are you ready?" with little response from the terrified lambs in the front row who are droned into clapping like a bunch of seals, all at different times ignoring any sort of beat or unity. Amanda is dressed like that annoying goth girl Amy Lee who leads Evanescence. She's wearing this odd black vest that is rather tight and shows off Skunk-Girl's quite manly shoulders/arms. Her singing is as it always is...confusing. I have come to the conclusion that she doesn't really sing as she simply wails along with the band. It works sometimes, but it is definitely getting old. There are times when she "gets really into it" where she starts to shake and almost looks as though she is going to explode. A little nauseating, I start to get really anxious when I watch Amanda and also quite bored. In all honesty, I have a feeling that if you were to play all of Amanda's performances thus far, back to back, the similarity between the songs would be striking and a bit repetitive. Yes Amanda, we know you rock. But does that mean you deserve to be in the competition still?
Randy thought it was the perfect song choice, which I guess is alright. This is one of the most "rocking" Beatles songs out there, so it fits. Though it was pitchy in some parts, he thought it picked up near the middle and kind of redeemed itself. Paula thought she was ahead of the beat, which I don't think could even be true, considering that Amanda doesn't really pay attention to things like timing or melody, rather preferring to just bark and yell over the band. Paula wishes she would do a ballad or something which I agree. I can imagine her doing that Janis Joplin song "Me and Bobby McGee" and I think that it would show a really vulnerable side of her that might be very effective. Simon thought it was predictable and a mess and boring. Amanda tells the judges to fuck off and that she hates ballads and that she refuses to do anything more than the same old shtick we have seen every week thus far. The audience goes nuts at her rebellion and she throws her mannish arms into the air and screams and it's really really frightening.
My Grade: B-
Kristy Lee Cook - So Kristy reflects on how she has been consistently in the bottom two for the past like five weeks, which I think should be a sign that her ass needs to be kicked to the Idol curb. She knows nothing about the Beatles apparently and that she randomly chose "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away" cuz the title was "good." Oh Jesus. She is seriously going to murder the living fuck out of one of my favorite Beatles songs.
The performance opens with the spotlight directly on Kristy and the sparkling curtain she ripped out of Ryan's dressing room to wear as a dress. Her voice reminds me of Stevie Nicks, though not nearly as good or comfortable or genuine or human. Her vibrato is in full force this week and she knows she's the one to go home this week. She constantly blinks her dead eyes to the camera and it's distracting. Her vocals aren't terrible, but then she hits the chorus and even though she plays with the beat of the background vocals in a cool on-and-off dynamic kind of way, as soon as she sings "hide your love away" she completely abandons any melody and just sings some random fucking notes. She seems completely disconnected from the song, like she doesn't even give a shit. Even though she belts the last note very well, she looks as though she has already been voted off and is singing her farewell track. Looking defeated, she's like a Carrie Underwood-Robot only not a good singer.
Randy loves that Beatles song but thought the arrangement was "interesting" aka real shitty. He agrees with me and says that she didn't show nearly enough emotion to make the performance even close to being good. He also calls Kristy out on singing the melody of the song completely wrong. Paula latches onto that comment, but since she is such a nice (drunk) person, she follows it up with how this is "the best she's ever looked," to which I say, "well duh, bitch, you both shopped at the same store." Just to note, Paula is wearing quite possibly the ugliest sparkle-shaking shirt ever made that needs to be sent back to the age of disco, where it was spawned from. Simon thinks she needs some heavy brain hypnotizing...cuz she is a terrible performing. He calls her wallpaper, and then says that she's only memorable when she's absolutely terrible, to which Paula bursts out into laughter. Ha! Kristy then says that she will "blow you [Simon] out of her socks," and every one's minds go to the gutter and everyone laughs and Kristy realizes she just offered to blow Simon on national television. Good luck tomorrow night girl.
My Grade: C
David Archuleta - So every one's favorite Muppet is still adorable. His most memorable moment was when he forgot his lyrics last week...AW! I feel bad for David, cuz he is such a sweet kid, but rumor has it that he has a terrifyingly controlling stage-father who like sits in on all his rehearsals and yells at him and makes him cry! NO! Get your hand out of my Muppet David's ass! Anyway, in the video he also tells us that he will be singing "The Long and Winding Road" and he and his awkward eyebrows smile and giggle and I can't get over how damn precious this kid is. He hopes he remembers all his lyrics this week :giggle:...AW!
He is sharply dressed in a nice suit jacket and his hair is all jostled about. He is instantly on the second he second he hits the stage. There is not much to say about the performance. It's really great. A sea of annoying waving hands lay out before David. The puppet emotes the living fuck out of the song and swells with the big notes and comes back down perfectly with the low notes. He finishes and gets a standing ovation from the audience. The camera gives a quick shot to David's father who looks big-armed and threatening clapping his monstrously huge hands together.
Randy, who by the way is wearing some coral shell bracelet, thought that David was back on his A-game today, though he could have afforded to jazz it up a little more. Paula blathers about purity and rising above adversity and cocaine and ponies and colors and I'm not listening. Simon thought it was "amazing" to which the entire audience of high school girls SCREEEEEAAAAAAM. It was a "master class."
My Grade: B+
Michael Johns - Michael and his hideous brimmed hat tells us that he was proud of himself in Hollywood week for singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" and actually being praised by Simon. He informs us that he will be singing "A Day In the Life" and prefaces his performance by telling us that it was difficult to cram such a long song (6 minutes) into only 1 minute, which is an instant red flag to me.
The performance starts slow and he strolls to the front of the stage in his Michael Johns kind of way. He is dressed with a loosened tie and his shirt sleeves rolled up like he is unwinding after a long day at the office. The problem he mentioned in his video becomes apparent when the song shifts from the slow kind of solace beginning to the jumpy middle section that is beckoned in by a ringing bell and a change of tempo. This song is way too grand of a track to be condensed for American Idol, and I think his performance really suffers from this fact. It feels like a poorly put together collection of three separate songs, that don't really mesh well with one another. Michael's vocals are strong, especially when he wails, but the arrangement is weird to the point that it is distracting. It also doesn't help that the camera man thinks it is a good idea to spin around Michael like fifteen times, making me not only confused by the performance but also dizzy and nauseated. Also, Michael is prone to making these hideous moaning "oh" faces with his eyes shut and his mouth slacked open and head cocked upward like his basking in some glorious rays of holy sunlight.
Randy thought it wasn't one of his best. He has that "big ole' voice" and hasn't yet found a song to really display it. Paula claims that it's the monitors in the contestant's ears that can mess them up...which doesn't really make sense, especially since a) the shitty arrangement of the song would still be terrible regardless of whether there was anything in Michael's ears or not and b) we later discover that he doesn't have the hearing receivers in his ears, so there is no excuse...so shut up Paula. Simon thinks she's drunk and refuses to believe that phony excuse. He thought it was a mess and overly complicated and that Michael really needs to "start sorting" himself out. I agree. I feel like both Michael and Jason have been coasting on the strength of their earlier performances. You can sing, boy! Now find a song that really let's you do it!
My Grade: B-
Brooke White - Ryan calls Brooke "the sweetest person alive" and I believe this statement to be true...which I think may be one of the reasons why I sorta am put off by her. She is too innocent and cutesy. She obviously picks her cry-fest last week as her most memorable moment so far on Idol and that she is overwhelmed about this week and attempting to follow-up the critically acclaimed "Let It Be" from last week. She is performing "Here Comes the Sun" of course.
She starts singing crippled on the pointless stairs. She is wearing some sort of hideous multi-layered crepe-like yellow dress. Everything on stage is yellow and it's so predictably bright and shiny that I start to feel sick to my stomach. She stands up and head to a mic stand in the middle of the stage, but not before attempting to be overly endearing and twirling around like a ballerina while letting out a playful "woo!" that makes me cringe. Her vocals are alright, but everytime she does the token "do do do do" part of the song, she sounds real goofy and uncomfortable. The beautiful sunchild awkwardly dances around the mic stand like she's in some drug-induced state of euphoria. Her arms keep jutting out to the sides and she is swiveling around attempting to flair out her dress ("Stop trying to make your dress twirl! You look like an asshole!" - Sam). She then starts to hit some really bad bum notes and all the sparkling teeth in her mouth can't salvage this cheese-fest.
Randy makes embarrassing note of the "woo" and the shitty dancing. "Awkward" is how he describes the performance. She looks crushed upon hearing his criticism and begins aggressively agreeing with every single thing Randy says. Randy says that she never really connected to the song. I agree. Paula "can't help but smile" when she sees her and then lies and says that she has a great low tone...no she doesn't. Simon calls it "terrible" and "wet" (?). Brooke starts interrupting him from the get-go and tries oh-so-hard to jump in and say that she knows and agrees and blah blah blah. Just let him talk. Brooke then yells "LISTEN!" and awkwardly shuts up the judges to say something unimportant. More bantering takes place and all I keep thinking is that Brooke is slowly loosing her mind. She has done this before..the second any negativity comes her way, she starts to rattle on and on and on about nothing, in what seems to be an attempt to accept the negativity and move on past it as soon as possible. She needs to chill out.
My Grade: C+
David Cook - ...or Mr. Chowder as my house mates and I like to inexplicably call him. His most memorable moment so far was last week when Simon said he could win the show. He then talks about being a rocker and is self-indulgent and it's a little pretentious. He will be singing "Day Tripper."
Of course he has guitar in tow and he starts the performance with a strong guitar lick. There are two mic stands in front of him and I am confused. Even though he has those obnoxious rocker facial expressions down pat and his air looks like it hasn't been washed in seven weeks. His voice at times reminds me of the lead singer of Fuel, which is a good thing. Mr. Chowder's voice is very strong and sturdy and hits the low notes perfectly, but there is just something slightly off-putting by his whole uber-hardcore style. Like...the hair...the all black...the guitar...the loosened tie around his neck...it all feels just oh so formulaic. Regardless though, he sings extremely well and belts and does all the shit I expect him to. At times he sounds like he is saying "gay stripper" and I begin to think that the performance is dedicated to David Hernandez...cute. Halfway through he moves over to the other mic stand and starts using one of those voicebox tube things that always make an artist seem ten times more musical than they actually are.
Randy thought it was "solid" and offered variety. I agree...David's performances always have multiple elements that keep him fresh. Paula things he is ready to sell records...and unlike many of the other contestants, his voice seems to be radio-ready. Simon thought it "wasn't as good as you [he] thought it was." He thinks David has lost his element of surprise, which I think is a lie. Simon didn't like how "smug" he was and I totally get it. Then Ryan flirts like he will use the voicebox but then he doesn't and he's a LAME-O!
My Grade: B+
Carly Smithson - So her and her cute accent's favorite moment was last week when Simon said that she was Kelly Clarkson. She will be singing "Blackbird" and I am very apprehensive cuz this song is so so so mellow and quiet and I don't know if Carly will be able to do it justice with her (if I may, Randy) "big ole voice."
And I think I am right. In all honesty, her voice is just waaaaaay too big for the song and its limitations. There aren't a lot of opportunities for her to belt or really showcase her voice. Of course, her tone is wonderful and for once she goes really look like a goblin this performance. Her eyes are piercing and her hair is beautiful. Her dress is absolutely hideous, but whatever...bitch can sing. She looks kind of like a Kindergarten teacher (says Christina) singing her class to sleep and the entire audience is waving their hands back and forth.
Randy thought it was very cool..."cooliosous"? Paula loves the arrangement, the performance and the entire season. She then gives her an F...which means Fantastic...not Failure. Simon thought it was retarded to pick that song. "Indulgent" flies out of his mouth...and Carly starts doing the one thing I really really really hate which is when a contestant starts to explain their connection to the song as if it validates a mediocre performance. But she was good...the song just didn't fit her. Then Randy says something about cream cheese.
My Grade: B
Jason Castro - He was thrilled to sing "Hallelujah" a few weeks ago even though he hit a bum note at the end. Castro is mad goofy and doofy and oofy. He laughs at awkward moments and doesn't really know what he is saying most of the time. He starts blathering about the origins of "my bell" or something I dunno. He explains how he had to learn French to sing the song, which I think deserves some sort of praise. I also think that this song will fit him like a glove.
He is wearing the tightest parents in the entire world. He smiles like a goofball and starts to look like some sort of animated character. Maybe Castro was created by the Jim Henson puppet workshop along with Archuleta. His singing is decent...if maybe just a little boring. He is guitarless this week which has left him to just walk around on stage waving his arms around listlessly and it is a little a awkward. He doesn't feel completely connected with the song, or even that thrilled to be performing. He has a nice voice, but I am beginning to realize that it is one of the (dare I say) weaker ones in the competition. He is a good performer, but just focusing on his voice, it's a little frail. He stares dreamily into the camera and plays with he dreads and is endearing.
Randy just thought it was "interesting" aka bad...and said that it was a little too subdued for him. Castro starts blathering about something and Randy indulges him. Paula thinks the female population of the world wants to sleep with him. She also, surprisingly, makes a great point and says that he always seems disconnected when he leaves his guitar. Simon thinks the producers are retarded for doing this Beatles two weeks in a row, since last week was good, and this week is mediocre at best. Simon also says that Jason should be glad that this is a television show...not a radio show. Basically, he thinks that he emotes the song well with his handsome face and goofy smile. His vocals are kind of sliding I think. My both of my two favorites from earlier this season (Castro and Johns) really need to step it up and show something different formidable...with people like Jacuzzi and David Cook coming to the forefront of the competition, they really need to keep themselves relevant. There's only so far a kooky hairstyle can get you!
My Grade: B-
Syesha Avocado - First off, she looks beautiful this week. Her hair is straightened and she has this earthy-toned summer dress on and she looks much older and much more dignified. She remembers Hollywood week, but she is more haunted by last week when she was in the bottom three. She reflects on how she thinks it gave her a kick in the butt to do better, and I totally agree. She is going to be singing "Yesterday" because she remembered singing it in one of those middle school Beatles medleys that every single school district puts on to appease their hippy-turned-business parent's younger selves.
She is seated on a stool looking humble and fragile and there is this little man next to her playing the acoustic guitar. Her face is absolutely stunning and she really fucking works the hell out of this song. She belts midway through and is incredible. She tries to do the Mariah Carey whistle-falsetto, and only half does it. Aside from that little squeaky mess, I think that this performance is her strongest so far and that it is genuine and moving and like Brooke's performance last week...only not irritating.
Randy thought it was a "very...very...VERY good performance." Paula loves the vulnerability and the guitar player Paul. Paula wants her to connect with the audience more. Shut up Paula! Simon thought it was her best...not incredible...but the best song choice this nice. He compares her to Eva Cassidy and then says that Brooke should have sang this song instead of that terrible sunshine mess from earlier this night. Is she safe? Simon thinks so. WAY TO GO S-YES-sha!
My Grade: B+
Jacuzzi - I'm curious to see if this guy will deliver another stellar performance, since he seriously kicked everyone's ass last week. He loves Hollywood and we are shown a video of him running around on stage yelling which is then tied into his performance last week and how he bugged out after Simon called him "terrific." He then more or less threatens Ryan Seacrest to not touch his face ever again. His favorite Beatle? John Lennon. Real original. But Jacuzzi isn't so predictable, he will be singing a Paul McCartney song, and since everyone else seems to be playing an instrument this season, he said that he is gonna try to as well.
He starts singing some sort of R.Kelly remix of the song with his milky smooth vocals and it's okay...if maybe a little too mellow for my taste.......oh wait...what? Nevermind? He rips out a harmonica and plays it and I don't know how I feel about it. Like...if he hadn't had mentioned in the video that he was picking up a random instrument and playing it during his performance, I would have liked it more, but since it is already prerevealed that he will be butchering the song with a myterdy instrumet, when it finally happens and I less than impressed. He then starts channeling the Jacuzzi from last week and does the soulful rocker wailing that made last week's performance incredible. He starts to sing low and kind of sounds like Bill "Puddin' Pop" Cosby for a few seconds. He ends the performance with the harmonica, and in all honesty, even though he sings (very) well, I found the whole performance quite gimmicky and predictable.
Randy thought there were good and bad parts. The slow beginning was bad, the up-tempo middle was good and the harmonica was really weird. Paula thinks Jacuzzi is "showing who he is"... which she has said 437 times so far this eason. Simon thought it was going fine until the amauterish harmonica...then it turned into the "Achy Breaky Heart"...haha. It felt like a howdown. And then Simon calls it "Gimmicky" and I pat myself on the back. Yes!
My Grade: B
Ramile Maboobaloo - She loves all the friends she has made! She calls Brooke her den-mother and David her big brother and we are shown her hugging everyone in the world and making that annoying "oh-low" sound she constantly keeps doing in an attempt to be cute.
She is singing "Should Have Known Better" and right from the beginning it is a mess. Jacuzzi is on the harmonica in the background and the song just kind of strums along without any real emotion. She is dressed like Asia'h Epperson (remember her?) and looks a little plump and she smiles goofy at the audience. Her vocals are kind of off throughout the entire performance. She has out of place weird belting that doesn't work. She seems only a quarter dedicated to the song, with the other three quarters feeling awkward and out of place.
Randy thought it was just "eh." Paula says that it was much better than last week and thinks that she should only sing ballads cuz the upbeat shit isn't working. But then when she does sing ballads, she is boring as fuck. So basically Maboobaloo...GO HOME. You don't fit in anywhere and all your goofy sounds and spunky teen personality can't put you above the rest of the competition...well maybe Kristy. But she's an (untalented) singing robot, so that's not hard. Simon thought that Jacuzzi was on harmonica, which he means as an insult, and Maboobaloo knows he means it as an insult, which is hilariously awesome. He thinks that everyone chose mediocre songs this night that did nothing for their voices. Paula tries to do damage control and yells out "but you're a great singer!" Haha...come on Paula..."great?" Really? Maybe "not shitty...sometimes" but definitely not "great."
My Grade: C+
Safe?
- David Archuleta for still being the lovable scamp America wants him to be.
- David Cook for deliver another solid rock-remix of a classic song.
- Carly Smithson for being Carly Smithson.
In Danger?
- Kristy Lee Cook for being a malfunctioning Underwood-bot.
- Brooke White for being so sugary sweet that she gives America cavities.
- Maboobaloo, just because.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Top 12 - Music of the Beatles
So now things are getting very very serious here on American Idol. The prestigious TOP 12 has been decided, and may I say that though I am chock full of criticism and evil things to say about the contestants, I think that this is the most well-rounded and unique group of finalists I have seen on the show so far. A flower child, a nubian goddess, a cheeky rockstar, an Australian hottie, a hippie jammer, an inked bombshell, a child prodigy, a smooth stripper, a skunk haired wailer, a teen pop-starlette, a Ruben-in-training and an old timey country girl are all in this lot this time around and it will be very interesting to see how each of these contestants develop over the next few months. Tonight the producers were able to bribe the Lennon/McCartney song book away from its holders and have it placed in the hands of our finalists. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Only one way to find out. Oh, and also, before each performace, the Idols will be telling us a little something something about where they came from and what kinds of kooky jobs they had before the show! FUN!
note: I wasn't able to watch the show live and my video tape wasn't set correctly so I had to watch all the videos of YouTube...thus explaining why they are out of order.
Amanda Overmyer- So what does Amanda like to do aside from scaring the hell out of the American Idol crowd? She's a sales person/nurse or something. She also loves to ride her Harley Davidson around the dustbowl of a town she lives in. This whole Hollywood thing though? It's a "brand new territory" for Skunk-Hair. I dunno...though she is outrageous in her dress and her voice, I think that she is actually one of the more down-to-Earth contestants this season. There is very little pretense and I feel that she is really here to perform...not just try and get votes. I like her and appreciate her sentiment, even if I do find it incredibly difficult to criticize her voice. And why do I find it hard to critique her voice? Her performance of "You Can't Do That" more than answers that question.
She starts with a growling "Alright!" The song sounds NOTHING like the Beatles song it came from, but unlike David Hernandez, she doesn't overburden it with her own style. Instead, she fully comits to her genre of choice (bluesy rock) and adapts the song to it. My problem with Amanda though is that I have trouble understanding whether or not her voice is really good and different, or if it tends to get a little messy and get off of the pitch. I dunno...it's hard to really decipher notes and her intonation due to the raw nature in which she sings.
Randy thought it was a bar performance...but in a good way. He "loved it." Paula says she looks beautiful, which I guess she does. Her hair is longer this week and aside from the white streaks, it is beautiful. Simon thinks she sounded drunk. In the midst of his criticism though Paula starts blathering about how wrong he is and Simon tells her to "shut up" and Paula gets all sassy back and so does Randy and Simon is totally done with both of them. If he agrees to come back for season 8 I will be shocked. After all this bullshit though, he ends his critique saying that she is a "breath of fresh air" which is true.
My Grade: B+
Brooke White- The Flower Child is next. She is from Arizona and she moved to L.A. to become a musician. She was a nanny prior to Idol and she is grateful to be here. She loves the Beatles (duh), but you know that she actually does love them and has listened to them for hours upon hours on end.
She is seated at a grand piano and starts singing "Let It Be" and from the first note to the last she really sends chills through my body. There is a raw and vulnerable roughness to the performance that is absolutely riveting. She makes effective (but not exhaustive) eye contact with the camera and you can tell that something is really going on inside of her...like when she hits the refrain of the chorus for the third time she starts to shake and get all Stevie Wonder with the song and bob her head and it's great. However, while emotionally jarring and touching, I feel like the quality of the performance is wrongly praised due to her crying. Her vocals are decent, but there are definitely some bum notes and I 100% believe that if she had not cried and made a little scene out of her performance, the song would have been way less powerful.
Randy asks her if this is "a dream come true" for her and she croaks out a yes and it's really moving. She has great "conviction" and that allows her to deliver a heart-felt performance free of extraneous runs and adlibs that would just bog down the beautiful simplicity of the song. Paula thinks America is falling in love with her. Simon thinks it's one of the best of the nice and that it is a "brilliant choice of song." He also calls it "believable" which is a great point...there is zero percent pretension in Brooke and aside from my past opinions of her, I think she definitely delivered it tonight. Now was she as amazing as the judges say she was? I don't think so, but she's a sweet girl and her endeering personality coupled with her decent voice will guarentee her a spot next week.
My Grade: B
Carly Smithson- What did our favorite Irish pub girl do before Idol? She was a waitress. Unique. She used to live in Ireland but three years ago she moved to San Diego...blah blah...whatever. I don't care what she has to say, cuz I am way too enamored with the sound of her voice opposed to what she is actually saying. She says she sings at bars and shit and that she always includes "Come Together" into her set which she will thusly be performing tonight.
The song starts with the well-known wicked bassline. Her voice is totally rock and resembles a more coherent Amanda Overmyer voice. She works the stage like only she knows how to with casual strutting and hip swiveling. She adds a rough Janis Joplin kind of twist to the song and one the chorus comes (and the goblin face makes its appearance), she belts every note like it's no big deal. Her overly defined eyebrows are like crosshairs, targeting the attention of every audience member. However, my one complaint isn't necessarily about Carly, but about the arrangment of the song. Much of it is slow and brooding and creeping, with little full-blown chorus for Carly to rock. I think it didn't allot her the opportunity to really let all of her vocal chops come to the surface, but still one of the best performances of the night.
Randy asked her if the performance felt amazing, and she says it did. "Stellar" gets thrown at her. Paula makes the same fucking comment she has made about Carly every single week so far by saying that she already seems like a professional (which she kind of is). Simon thinks that she picked the perfect song for her, which I don't really agree with, but whatever. Simon then says that the performance was Kelly Clarkson-caliber, to which the audience goes apeshit and Carly's jaw drops to the fucking floor. I absolutely love how Kelly Clarkson's name has become like Idol gold now...like to even be considered in the same category as Ms. Clarkson is the single greatest compliment ever. Ha....I love Kelly...and Carly.
My Grade: A-
David Archuleta- So our favorite little Muppet grew up just outside of Salt Lake City. He has 4 siblings and his parents are from Honduras and Utah. They like dancing and music. Since David is such a teenager, he knows nothing of music before his generation, so he doesn't know a single Beatles song except for "We Can Work It Out" which he will be singing. During the middle of his intro video he stops talking and breaths deeply and says that he is getting stressed out and anxious over the up-coming performance, and it melts my heart. He reminds me of Sanjaya from last season, because just like Papaya, he is very down-to-earth and naturally adorable and generally just a nice kid. However, unlike Sanjaya, he can actually sing, which makes him, in my opinion, one of the front-runners for this season's title.
The performance begins on one of those pointless flights of stairs that are strewn across the stage. His voice is smooth and he dressed real sharp. His hair looks nice and he makes great cute little puppet faces to the camera. He belts a lot and does these slick little runs. He hits a high note in the middle of the song followed by some Danny Noriega head jutting back and forth. Okay, those are the good things. Poor David, this was his worst performance so far. On three separate occasions he messes up the lyrics which is sometimes a fatal blow (see Melissa McGhee and Brandon Rogers) but can other times be a chance to display their showmanship and their ability to overcome a mistake on stage (see Katherina McBulimia). He knows he fucks up and smiles a goofy apology to the audience. Aside from that, he seems completely overwhelmed by the sere magnitude of the new stage and his nerves obviously get to him a little bit. I also found the song to be a little too scattered, with David rarely staying on the melody in exchange for runs and attempts to jazz up the arrangment. I feel for the kid though, cuz I can't even imagine how stressful it must be for him (and for all the contestants) to step out on stage and see all those people and not freeze immediately.
Randy thought it wasn't "on-point" to which all the preteens in the audience scream. Paula plays the resident den mother and says that the world loves him. It's true. Then Simon comes to murder his dreams and says that it was "a mess" and "all over the place." Simon's bitchslap doesn't hurt poor little Archuleta though. He and his muppet voice take the criticism well and simply says "Ok" and "Yeah." Aw...poor kid! He could have fallen flat on his face and burped the entire song and I would still really like him.
My Grade: C+
David Cook- He grew up in a nice town and was a bartender. A part-time musician, he played guitar for tips. We are shown countless shots of David holding a guitar and smashing a guitar and playing a guitar and who cares, we get it now.
He is singing "Eleanor Rigby" and I instantly hate it. His voice is waaaaay too standard modern rock. I feel like I have heard, seriously, like eight separate bands who have front singers just like him. He sings well, but like Amanda, the whol rocker things needs to be dropped once in awhile to show that they have versatility. The chorus rises and falls with what seems like an army of choir singers behind him. David soaks in all the preteen fame being thrusted at him by the audience. I think it will only be a matter of time before this whole rock renovation thing that he is trying to forcefeed us will become stale and boring. His vocals are decent, but I find the arrangement distracting and a little irritating in how "rock n' roll" David tries to convince us it is.
Randy thought it was rough but that it was "rockin" when he hit the chorus. What I don't like is that "Eleanor Rigby" is the kind of song that only should be played softly due to its content and somber atmosphere. It doesn't need crashing guitars and glottal growling to be an effective song. Paula loved it and so did Simon. Everyone keeps complimenting this guy and I can't help but think of how big his ego must be getting and how he seems like he'd be a pretentious self-absorbed prick in real life. Simon makes a funny comment though basically saying that if the contest is about voices, then he's safe. As a popularity contest though, David doesn't stand a chance in hell...which is funny because even if he sings something well, he just doesn't seem to have the frantic fanbases of Archuleta and Castro to give him the popularity needed to win the show.
My Grade: B-
David "Lap Dance" Hernandez- He's from some town in Arizona that Idol winner Jordin Sparxxxxxxx was from. And what did he do there? Well aside from stripping (which is awkwardly left out of this clip), he was a server at Pizza Bistro. He was fired there, probably for inappropriate sausage slicing or something with a sexual innuendo. He was a broadcasting major at some no-name school, which is awesome cuz if he fails to break into the music business via this show, he can always get a job hosting one of those Idol recap shows that get played on the TV guide channel like former losers Matt Rogers and Justin Guarini, or working on the Tyra show like Mikalaha Gordon...or he could become a drug addict/alcoholic like Jessica Sierra and get arrested a bunch of times. The possibilities are endless Mr. Hernandez!
So Mr. FancyPants will be singing "I Saw Her Standing There" which he learned about in some Beatles 101 class he took in school or something. Whatever. He starts on the suicide dive-off plank where an off-pink shirt and a stripper tie and a black vest. He's pretty sharp and he waltzes about and makes sexy eyebrow raising facial expressions to the camera. He then runs down to the audience and pseudo-dances with some sluts in the front row. He makes his way to the stage and does his shimming and makes oogly eyes all over the fucking place. His voice is decent as always, though it gets a little lost in the lower parts of his register. I think he belts well, but it doesn't really fit the song in my opinion. The bridge of the song is a little weird just for the fact that he is belting all over the place and the song isn't really asking for it. A lot of soulful ad libbing takes place at the end and while it sounds nice the song kind of gets crazy and out of line. I still really like this guy, but it doesn't pan out well. Trying to overly complicate such a simple song can be a little distracting, but I must sympathize with not only David, but with all the contestants. Thing is, a lot of Beatles songs are written to be very simply. A basic hook, catchy lyrics and peppy beat is what got America hooked on them. But on the other end of the spectrum are the Idol contestants who are told that they need to jazz up all their performances and make them unique and flavorful...so to do such a thing to songs that are known for their simplicity and their nostalgic appeal I can only imagine is incredibly difficult.
Randy complicates his voice but says that he got a little "lost" in the runs and the twist David put on it. Paula loves him, but thought that he overdid it and that he needed to hold back. "No, No, No" is Simon's reaction. He thought it was corny and "not very cool." He then calls David a "rabbit in headlights" which is weird and then Randy instantly corrects him. David is gracious though and takes the criticism well. Hmm...maybe he isn't the pretentious skeevball I pegged him for. Well, regardless of the song choice, I still think he sounded good on the song and that his voice is one of the most underrated of the competition.
My Grade: B-
Jacuzzi- The New Studdard used to work at LAX as those douchebag security guards that always hold you up checking your bags and forcing you to miss your flight. Jacuzzi was raised predominantly on Nigerian music or something and is surprised that his mom knows of the Beatles. Whatever whatever whatever...I just want to get to the performance, cuz damn! Jacuzzi fucking brings it tonight!
He starts off his performance of "She's a Woman" with this real chill, down south jug band kinda vibe. He's seated at the edge of the stage with three other musicians dressed like hicks playing a violin and a banjo and a tambourine. It's pretty sweet and then the song picks up and the guitar kicks and Jacuzzi fucking lets lose. He hits some massive low notes and then shoots up to high belting wails. He shimmies this way and that and gets literally possessed by the feeling of the song. He does some awesome stuttering and beat manipulation halfway through and it's not just a good vocal, but it's incredibly entertaining. The audience is off their feet and going nuts. The guitars are thrashing, the lights are flashing and Jacuzzi is killing this living shit out of the song. He ends it with this high-ass Luke Menard kind of note and I am blown away. No longer can I label this dude just another Studdard clone. I would have never thought that Jacuzzi would have been the one to blow me away tonight and he really did.
Randy is surprised that he wasn't his usual boring self. The arrangement was "dope" and thought the "chickity chickity chickity" stuttering was amazing. Paula is glad that he took a risk and that being accepted into the Top 12 really pulled him out of his shell. Simon is ashamed to say he actually agrees with Randy and Paula. Jacuzzi freaks out to get a compliment (for once) from Simon. He loves the fact that he looked drunk and that he took control of the stage and that he was "terrific." Jacuzzi pulls a Cuba Gooding Jr. and runs around the stage screaming and Ryan jumps up there and dances around him like a rodeo clown exciting an already wild bull. Ryan then grabs Jacuzzi's head and it's weird and Ryan tries to be hip, but he just looks goofy. Whatever...Jacuzzi was still awesome.
My Grade: A
Jason Castro- Our favorite possible-stoner is currently at some college in Texas where he is studying music. However, he admits that he only failed his music classes, which is odd in itself and even odder in his willingness to share such a detail with us. Like Amanda, he is a little overwhelmed by this whole fame thing. His family is from Colombia and somehow that is segued into his love of the Beatles. He loves the song "Yesterday" though he won't be singing it. Instead he will singing some song called "If I Fell."
He has his acoustic guitar out again. The performance is good, but this kind of thing is getting real played out with Castro. Do something else other than these sensitive, soft-spoken folky songs. And ditch the guitar. His voice is solid as always and he has some really nice vulnerable moments where he goes up into his falsetto. It's cute and endearing, but I must say (and I hate saying this) a little boring.
Randy "liked it" but didn't love it. Like every other song performed this season, this is one of his favorite songs ever. He thought that the changes in the melody were boring and he "tuned out" the performance. Paula totally disagrees. She loves him and she starts saying that she feels his heart...whatever that means? She thinks that he has a great emotional connection with his songs. Simon calls this comment out as the bullshit it is. He thinks it is very "student in a bedroom at midnight." I totally see it. Simon is a "big fan" but thought that it was not nearly as great as last week. Of course he will be safe, but he totally needs to change things up or else his hippie-guitar schtick will go south, just like Chris Daughtry's growling rock thing from two seasons ago.
My Grade: B
Kristy Lee Cook- In her video, Kristy tells us that she grew up in a town of like 5 people and then we are shown her riding horses and boxing and standing in front of cameras. She loves the Beatles and will be taking on "8 Days a Week" and SURPRISE! will be making it a country track. Sounds interesting and possibly promising.
It starts with a bunch of violins (err...fiddles?) in the orchestra and quickly transcends into a pseudo-howdown with Kristy bobbing up and down like she always does to a funky little beat. She is wearing a flattened and fitted disco ball as a shirt and some ripped jeans. I guess it is good...but her voice, like I have always been saying, just isn't as strong as the others in the group. She hits a few really bum notes and seems like she is having trouble keeping up with the rapid percussion. I don't think that this country twist really works on this song. Her voice doesn't really have a chance to belt out any notes or do anything more than mumble along with the orchestra. She tries to do those high-pitched country twang falsettos that artists like the Dixie Chicks play to the hilt, but she doesn't hit the note right and it is a messy conclusion to an unorganized performance.
Randy starts laughing at her...he liked the arrangement and the intention, but thought that all her runs and shit didn't work because there was like no breathing room in the song structure. Everything was so fast-paced that she barely had time to sing the words, forget about jazzing it up with vocal gymnastics. Paula "didn't like it" which is odd considering she liked Danny Noriega. Paula thinks she is trying to fit herself into the country box way too much and that she is conforming TOO much to the role she is obviously supposed to play this season, which is the bubbly blond country girl from the south. Simon calls it "horrendous" which is mean and funny and true. She sounded like "Dolly Parton on helium" which is an accurate perception. He thought it was "brave" but "foolish" and that the song didn't work as a country tune. Agree. Agree. AGREE!
My Grade: C-
Michael Johns- Our favorite Australian hunk reminds us that his accent is genuine and that is actually from Australia. He reminds us that the United States economy sucks and that you can't just play acoustic guitar in your bedroom each night to make a living. He claims to have had every job you can imagine which is intriguingly and I automatically start thinking of something incredible vile. We are then reminded that he loves tennis and he coaches it. We are shown some cute pictures of him as a little boy and then he tells us that something really traumatic happened to him when he was younger and that the song "Across the Universe" helped him through it. AW!
So I really like this song...even though that shitty movie that came out last year that exploited the living shit out of the Beatles catalog, was named after it. I have always loved how the song begins: abruptly and right into the melody. No build-up or anything...the song just gets started like it was in mid-sentence and the mic suddenly got turned on. I love that and Michael starts his version like that too. He makes steamy hot eye contact with the camera. Every now and then he makes uncomfortable constipated faces, but of course he is still blazing. He looks uncharacteristically mad while he sings and he does the evangelical preacher impression, aka shutting his eyes and raising his arms around him like the power of Jesus has just shot itself through his body. I think the performance is a little short and doesn't really go anywhere, but he still has a great voice.
Randy calls it "a little sleepy" which is an accurate assessment. The song didn't really go anywhere and then it ended. Paula thinks Randy is wrong, and no one cares. Simon agrees with Randy and says that Carly ("What's the Irish girl's name?") was brilliant in her revamping of the Beatles song, whereas Michael just kind of boringly sang along. He then accuses Johns of getting to be a little predictable and that he needs to shake things up to keep himself relevant. All valid criticism.
My Grade: B
Syesha Mercado- She's from Florida and is a student. She's an actress (whatever) as well. When she was younger she loved dancing and she remembers when she was kid, hearing her parents sing with all the Oldies. Her and her coaster earrings are going to be singing "Got To Get You Into My Life."
The performance begins with some big horns and Syesha struts her way onto the stage wearing a ripped open shirt that exposes a black tank top. She looks like a domestic abuse victim in all honesty, but her voice is decent. I think this was totally the wrong song for her though. She has that (if I may borrow it from Randy) "big ole' voice" and she can work the power notes like nobody's business. But since this is the case, I wonder why she chose such heavily constrained song that offers little in the way of ad libing and is mostly compiled of rambling low notes that occasionally lead to high belts. She looks kind of awkward on stage, strutting around like a peacock. I am starting to get worried about Syesha...she started off the competition with a bang and really impressed me, but since that first performance, I've begun to forget what she even sang. In a way, it's like her spunk and passion were drained out of her and now she is just singing alright as opposed to really feeling the song and getting into the meaning behind it.
Randy thought it was a little pitchy and that she didn't loosen up at all. Paula thought it was fucked up in the beginning but that she delivered in the last half. Syesha lucked the fuck out, cuz Simon thought it was very very good. You know for damn sure that if Simon had trashed the performance, she would have been gone. Come on S-YES-ha! Show them what you've got!
My Grade: B-
Ramiele Maboobaloo- Like every other Idol, Maboobaloo used to work at a restaurant...blah blah. She basically sits in some back room and packages soy sauce all day and then...when she goes home...SHE SMELLS LIKE SOY SAUCE! HOW CRAZY! She comes from a "musical family" aka her sister plays the guitar and drums. Blah blah...her parents always played music when she was younger...blah...they loved the Beatles...blah. Every single one of these opening videos this week are the exact same thing. Don't care. Don't care. Don't care. Just sing.
So Maboobaloo will be singing "In My Life" which is one of those rare songs that I love to death but I cannot ever listen to because it makes me incredibly depressed and self-reflective. Not only does she start the song too sharp, but it's a weird camera angle at the beginning. She is positioned at the bottom of the pointless spiral stairs to nowhere, looking up at the camera that is angled down at her, which makes her look even shorter and child-like than she already is. She does a very pagenty turn and scales down the steps in huge heels. She is wearing a cute little black dress with one of those hideously large belts that wrap around her torso like a tortilla on a burrito. She stumbles her way to the center of the stage and we see a sickening shot of the audience her are waving their hands like morons and it is all too high school talent show for me. The vocals are decent, but just boring as fuck. Maboobaloo tries to emote every single syllable with such emotional vigor that it seems phony and precocious.
Randy is slick and kind of mean and says that it was "kinda pretty" but also "kinda pretty boring." He thought it was disinteresting and unoriginal. Paula starts her commentary with her calling card: "You look lovely tonight" to which the audience erupts because lord knows there is nothing else about the performance to cheer about. Paula is actually on point tonight, cuz she points out that the bitch is a good singer but that she just isn't doing anything to really utilize the power she has. Simon thinks it's "dreary," "forgettable" and "boring." He thinks she could do much better. Then Randy chimes in another time that it was boring and Maboobaloo is all like, "Jesus Christ, I UNDERSTAND, GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING STAGE ALREADY!"
My Grade: C
Safe?
- Carly Smithson for being a coherently sober version of Amanda.
- Jacuzzi for delivering the best performance of the night (wow...I never thought I would write such a statement).
- Brooke White for fooling the judges into thinking that crying is the same thing as singing well.
In Danger?
- Ramiele Maboobaloo for honestly putting me to sleep with her lazy ass performance.
- Kristy Lee Cook for never finding the beat of her song.
- Syesha Mercado for being content with these middle-of-the-road kind of performances that lack any real star quality.
note: I wasn't able to watch the show live and my video tape wasn't set correctly so I had to watch all the videos of YouTube...thus explaining why they are out of order.
Amanda Overmyer- So what does Amanda like to do aside from scaring the hell out of the American Idol crowd? She's a sales person/nurse or something. She also loves to ride her Harley Davidson around the dustbowl of a town she lives in. This whole Hollywood thing though? It's a "brand new territory" for Skunk-Hair. I dunno...though she is outrageous in her dress and her voice, I think that she is actually one of the more down-to-Earth contestants this season. There is very little pretense and I feel that she is really here to perform...not just try and get votes. I like her and appreciate her sentiment, even if I do find it incredibly difficult to criticize her voice. And why do I find it hard to critique her voice? Her performance of "You Can't Do That" more than answers that question.
She starts with a growling "Alright!" The song sounds NOTHING like the Beatles song it came from, but unlike David Hernandez, she doesn't overburden it with her own style. Instead, she fully comits to her genre of choice (bluesy rock) and adapts the song to it. My problem with Amanda though is that I have trouble understanding whether or not her voice is really good and different, or if it tends to get a little messy and get off of the pitch. I dunno...it's hard to really decipher notes and her intonation due to the raw nature in which she sings.
Randy thought it was a bar performance...but in a good way. He "loved it." Paula says she looks beautiful, which I guess she does. Her hair is longer this week and aside from the white streaks, it is beautiful. Simon thinks she sounded drunk. In the midst of his criticism though Paula starts blathering about how wrong he is and Simon tells her to "shut up" and Paula gets all sassy back and so does Randy and Simon is totally done with both of them. If he agrees to come back for season 8 I will be shocked. After all this bullshit though, he ends his critique saying that she is a "breath of fresh air" which is true.
My Grade: B+
Brooke White- The Flower Child is next. She is from Arizona and she moved to L.A. to become a musician. She was a nanny prior to Idol and she is grateful to be here. She loves the Beatles (duh), but you know that she actually does love them and has listened to them for hours upon hours on end.
She is seated at a grand piano and starts singing "Let It Be" and from the first note to the last she really sends chills through my body. There is a raw and vulnerable roughness to the performance that is absolutely riveting. She makes effective (but not exhaustive) eye contact with the camera and you can tell that something is really going on inside of her...like when she hits the refrain of the chorus for the third time she starts to shake and get all Stevie Wonder with the song and bob her head and it's great. However, while emotionally jarring and touching, I feel like the quality of the performance is wrongly praised due to her crying. Her vocals are decent, but there are definitely some bum notes and I 100% believe that if she had not cried and made a little scene out of her performance, the song would have been way less powerful.
Randy asks her if this is "a dream come true" for her and she croaks out a yes and it's really moving. She has great "conviction" and that allows her to deliver a heart-felt performance free of extraneous runs and adlibs that would just bog down the beautiful simplicity of the song. Paula thinks America is falling in love with her. Simon thinks it's one of the best of the nice and that it is a "brilliant choice of song." He also calls it "believable" which is a great point...there is zero percent pretension in Brooke and aside from my past opinions of her, I think she definitely delivered it tonight. Now was she as amazing as the judges say she was? I don't think so, but she's a sweet girl and her endeering personality coupled with her decent voice will guarentee her a spot next week.
My Grade: B
Carly Smithson- What did our favorite Irish pub girl do before Idol? She was a waitress. Unique. She used to live in Ireland but three years ago she moved to San Diego...blah blah...whatever. I don't care what she has to say, cuz I am way too enamored with the sound of her voice opposed to what she is actually saying. She says she sings at bars and shit and that she always includes "Come Together" into her set which she will thusly be performing tonight.
The song starts with the well-known wicked bassline. Her voice is totally rock and resembles a more coherent Amanda Overmyer voice. She works the stage like only she knows how to with casual strutting and hip swiveling. She adds a rough Janis Joplin kind of twist to the song and one the chorus comes (and the goblin face makes its appearance), she belts every note like it's no big deal. Her overly defined eyebrows are like crosshairs, targeting the attention of every audience member. However, my one complaint isn't necessarily about Carly, but about the arrangment of the song. Much of it is slow and brooding and creeping, with little full-blown chorus for Carly to rock. I think it didn't allot her the opportunity to really let all of her vocal chops come to the surface, but still one of the best performances of the night.
Randy asked her if the performance felt amazing, and she says it did. "Stellar" gets thrown at her. Paula makes the same fucking comment she has made about Carly every single week so far by saying that she already seems like a professional (which she kind of is). Simon thinks that she picked the perfect song for her, which I don't really agree with, but whatever. Simon then says that the performance was Kelly Clarkson-caliber, to which the audience goes apeshit and Carly's jaw drops to the fucking floor. I absolutely love how Kelly Clarkson's name has become like Idol gold now...like to even be considered in the same category as Ms. Clarkson is the single greatest compliment ever. Ha....I love Kelly...and Carly.
My Grade: A-
David Archuleta- So our favorite little Muppet grew up just outside of Salt Lake City. He has 4 siblings and his parents are from Honduras and Utah. They like dancing and music. Since David is such a teenager, he knows nothing of music before his generation, so he doesn't know a single Beatles song except for "We Can Work It Out" which he will be singing. During the middle of his intro video he stops talking and breaths deeply and says that he is getting stressed out and anxious over the up-coming performance, and it melts my heart. He reminds me of Sanjaya from last season, because just like Papaya, he is very down-to-earth and naturally adorable and generally just a nice kid. However, unlike Sanjaya, he can actually sing, which makes him, in my opinion, one of the front-runners for this season's title.
The performance begins on one of those pointless flights of stairs that are strewn across the stage. His voice is smooth and he dressed real sharp. His hair looks nice and he makes great cute little puppet faces to the camera. He belts a lot and does these slick little runs. He hits a high note in the middle of the song followed by some Danny Noriega head jutting back and forth. Okay, those are the good things. Poor David, this was his worst performance so far. On three separate occasions he messes up the lyrics which is sometimes a fatal blow (see Melissa McGhee and Brandon Rogers) but can other times be a chance to display their showmanship and their ability to overcome a mistake on stage (see Katherina McBulimia). He knows he fucks up and smiles a goofy apology to the audience. Aside from that, he seems completely overwhelmed by the sere magnitude of the new stage and his nerves obviously get to him a little bit. I also found the song to be a little too scattered, with David rarely staying on the melody in exchange for runs and attempts to jazz up the arrangment. I feel for the kid though, cuz I can't even imagine how stressful it must be for him (and for all the contestants) to step out on stage and see all those people and not freeze immediately.
Randy thought it wasn't "on-point" to which all the preteens in the audience scream. Paula plays the resident den mother and says that the world loves him. It's true. Then Simon comes to murder his dreams and says that it was "a mess" and "all over the place." Simon's bitchslap doesn't hurt poor little Archuleta though. He and his muppet voice take the criticism well and simply says "Ok" and "Yeah." Aw...poor kid! He could have fallen flat on his face and burped the entire song and I would still really like him.
My Grade: C+
David Cook- He grew up in a nice town and was a bartender. A part-time musician, he played guitar for tips. We are shown countless shots of David holding a guitar and smashing a guitar and playing a guitar and who cares, we get it now.
He is singing "Eleanor Rigby" and I instantly hate it. His voice is waaaaay too standard modern rock. I feel like I have heard, seriously, like eight separate bands who have front singers just like him. He sings well, but like Amanda, the whol rocker things needs to be dropped once in awhile to show that they have versatility. The chorus rises and falls with what seems like an army of choir singers behind him. David soaks in all the preteen fame being thrusted at him by the audience. I think it will only be a matter of time before this whole rock renovation thing that he is trying to forcefeed us will become stale and boring. His vocals are decent, but I find the arrangement distracting and a little irritating in how "rock n' roll" David tries to convince us it is.
Randy thought it was rough but that it was "rockin" when he hit the chorus. What I don't like is that "Eleanor Rigby" is the kind of song that only should be played softly due to its content and somber atmosphere. It doesn't need crashing guitars and glottal growling to be an effective song. Paula loved it and so did Simon. Everyone keeps complimenting this guy and I can't help but think of how big his ego must be getting and how he seems like he'd be a pretentious self-absorbed prick in real life. Simon makes a funny comment though basically saying that if the contest is about voices, then he's safe. As a popularity contest though, David doesn't stand a chance in hell...which is funny because even if he sings something well, he just doesn't seem to have the frantic fanbases of Archuleta and Castro to give him the popularity needed to win the show.
My Grade: B-
David "Lap Dance" Hernandez- He's from some town in Arizona that Idol winner Jordin Sparxxxxxxx was from. And what did he do there? Well aside from stripping (which is awkwardly left out of this clip), he was a server at Pizza Bistro. He was fired there, probably for inappropriate sausage slicing or something with a sexual innuendo. He was a broadcasting major at some no-name school, which is awesome cuz if he fails to break into the music business via this show, he can always get a job hosting one of those Idol recap shows that get played on the TV guide channel like former losers Matt Rogers and Justin Guarini, or working on the Tyra show like Mikalaha Gordon...or he could become a drug addict/alcoholic like Jessica Sierra and get arrested a bunch of times. The possibilities are endless Mr. Hernandez!
So Mr. FancyPants will be singing "I Saw Her Standing There" which he learned about in some Beatles 101 class he took in school or something. Whatever. He starts on the suicide dive-off plank where an off-pink shirt and a stripper tie and a black vest. He's pretty sharp and he waltzes about and makes sexy eyebrow raising facial expressions to the camera. He then runs down to the audience and pseudo-dances with some sluts in the front row. He makes his way to the stage and does his shimming and makes oogly eyes all over the fucking place. His voice is decent as always, though it gets a little lost in the lower parts of his register. I think he belts well, but it doesn't really fit the song in my opinion. The bridge of the song is a little weird just for the fact that he is belting all over the place and the song isn't really asking for it. A lot of soulful ad libbing takes place at the end and while it sounds nice the song kind of gets crazy and out of line. I still really like this guy, but it doesn't pan out well. Trying to overly complicate such a simple song can be a little distracting, but I must sympathize with not only David, but with all the contestants. Thing is, a lot of Beatles songs are written to be very simply. A basic hook, catchy lyrics and peppy beat is what got America hooked on them. But on the other end of the spectrum are the Idol contestants who are told that they need to jazz up all their performances and make them unique and flavorful...so to do such a thing to songs that are known for their simplicity and their nostalgic appeal I can only imagine is incredibly difficult.
Randy complicates his voice but says that he got a little "lost" in the runs and the twist David put on it. Paula loves him, but thought that he overdid it and that he needed to hold back. "No, No, No" is Simon's reaction. He thought it was corny and "not very cool." He then calls David a "rabbit in headlights" which is weird and then Randy instantly corrects him. David is gracious though and takes the criticism well. Hmm...maybe he isn't the pretentious skeevball I pegged him for. Well, regardless of the song choice, I still think he sounded good on the song and that his voice is one of the most underrated of the competition.
My Grade: B-
Jacuzzi- The New Studdard used to work at LAX as those douchebag security guards that always hold you up checking your bags and forcing you to miss your flight. Jacuzzi was raised predominantly on Nigerian music or something and is surprised that his mom knows of the Beatles. Whatever whatever whatever...I just want to get to the performance, cuz damn! Jacuzzi fucking brings it tonight!
He starts off his performance of "She's a Woman" with this real chill, down south jug band kinda vibe. He's seated at the edge of the stage with three other musicians dressed like hicks playing a violin and a banjo and a tambourine. It's pretty sweet and then the song picks up and the guitar kicks and Jacuzzi fucking lets lose. He hits some massive low notes and then shoots up to high belting wails. He shimmies this way and that and gets literally possessed by the feeling of the song. He does some awesome stuttering and beat manipulation halfway through and it's not just a good vocal, but it's incredibly entertaining. The audience is off their feet and going nuts. The guitars are thrashing, the lights are flashing and Jacuzzi is killing this living shit out of the song. He ends it with this high-ass Luke Menard kind of note and I am blown away. No longer can I label this dude just another Studdard clone. I would have never thought that Jacuzzi would have been the one to blow me away tonight and he really did.
Randy is surprised that he wasn't his usual boring self. The arrangement was "dope" and thought the "chickity chickity chickity" stuttering was amazing. Paula is glad that he took a risk and that being accepted into the Top 12 really pulled him out of his shell. Simon is ashamed to say he actually agrees with Randy and Paula. Jacuzzi freaks out to get a compliment (for once) from Simon. He loves the fact that he looked drunk and that he took control of the stage and that he was "terrific." Jacuzzi pulls a Cuba Gooding Jr. and runs around the stage screaming and Ryan jumps up there and dances around him like a rodeo clown exciting an already wild bull. Ryan then grabs Jacuzzi's head and it's weird and Ryan tries to be hip, but he just looks goofy. Whatever...Jacuzzi was still awesome.
My Grade: A
Jason Castro- Our favorite possible-stoner is currently at some college in Texas where he is studying music. However, he admits that he only failed his music classes, which is odd in itself and even odder in his willingness to share such a detail with us. Like Amanda, he is a little overwhelmed by this whole fame thing. His family is from Colombia and somehow that is segued into his love of the Beatles. He loves the song "Yesterday" though he won't be singing it. Instead he will singing some song called "If I Fell."
He has his acoustic guitar out again. The performance is good, but this kind of thing is getting real played out with Castro. Do something else other than these sensitive, soft-spoken folky songs. And ditch the guitar. His voice is solid as always and he has some really nice vulnerable moments where he goes up into his falsetto. It's cute and endearing, but I must say (and I hate saying this) a little boring.
Randy "liked it" but didn't love it. Like every other song performed this season, this is one of his favorite songs ever. He thought that the changes in the melody were boring and he "tuned out" the performance. Paula totally disagrees. She loves him and she starts saying that she feels his heart...whatever that means? She thinks that he has a great emotional connection with his songs. Simon calls this comment out as the bullshit it is. He thinks it is very "student in a bedroom at midnight." I totally see it. Simon is a "big fan" but thought that it was not nearly as great as last week. Of course he will be safe, but he totally needs to change things up or else his hippie-guitar schtick will go south, just like Chris Daughtry's growling rock thing from two seasons ago.
My Grade: B
Kristy Lee Cook- In her video, Kristy tells us that she grew up in a town of like 5 people and then we are shown her riding horses and boxing and standing in front of cameras. She loves the Beatles and will be taking on "8 Days a Week" and SURPRISE! will be making it a country track. Sounds interesting and possibly promising.
It starts with a bunch of violins (err...fiddles?) in the orchestra and quickly transcends into a pseudo-howdown with Kristy bobbing up and down like she always does to a funky little beat. She is wearing a flattened and fitted disco ball as a shirt and some ripped jeans. I guess it is good...but her voice, like I have always been saying, just isn't as strong as the others in the group. She hits a few really bum notes and seems like she is having trouble keeping up with the rapid percussion. I don't think that this country twist really works on this song. Her voice doesn't really have a chance to belt out any notes or do anything more than mumble along with the orchestra. She tries to do those high-pitched country twang falsettos that artists like the Dixie Chicks play to the hilt, but she doesn't hit the note right and it is a messy conclusion to an unorganized performance.
Randy starts laughing at her...he liked the arrangement and the intention, but thought that all her runs and shit didn't work because there was like no breathing room in the song structure. Everything was so fast-paced that she barely had time to sing the words, forget about jazzing it up with vocal gymnastics. Paula "didn't like it" which is odd considering she liked Danny Noriega. Paula thinks she is trying to fit herself into the country box way too much and that she is conforming TOO much to the role she is obviously supposed to play this season, which is the bubbly blond country girl from the south. Simon calls it "horrendous" which is mean and funny and true. She sounded like "Dolly Parton on helium" which is an accurate perception. He thought it was "brave" but "foolish" and that the song didn't work as a country tune. Agree. Agree. AGREE!
My Grade: C-
Michael Johns- Our favorite Australian hunk reminds us that his accent is genuine and that is actually from Australia. He reminds us that the United States economy sucks and that you can't just play acoustic guitar in your bedroom each night to make a living. He claims to have had every job you can imagine which is intriguingly and I automatically start thinking of something incredible vile. We are then reminded that he loves tennis and he coaches it. We are shown some cute pictures of him as a little boy and then he tells us that something really traumatic happened to him when he was younger and that the song "Across the Universe" helped him through it. AW!
So I really like this song...even though that shitty movie that came out last year that exploited the living shit out of the Beatles catalog, was named after it. I have always loved how the song begins: abruptly and right into the melody. No build-up or anything...the song just gets started like it was in mid-sentence and the mic suddenly got turned on. I love that and Michael starts his version like that too. He makes steamy hot eye contact with the camera. Every now and then he makes uncomfortable constipated faces, but of course he is still blazing. He looks uncharacteristically mad while he sings and he does the evangelical preacher impression, aka shutting his eyes and raising his arms around him like the power of Jesus has just shot itself through his body. I think the performance is a little short and doesn't really go anywhere, but he still has a great voice.
Randy calls it "a little sleepy" which is an accurate assessment. The song didn't really go anywhere and then it ended. Paula thinks Randy is wrong, and no one cares. Simon agrees with Randy and says that Carly ("What's the Irish girl's name?") was brilliant in her revamping of the Beatles song, whereas Michael just kind of boringly sang along. He then accuses Johns of getting to be a little predictable and that he needs to shake things up to keep himself relevant. All valid criticism.
My Grade: B
Syesha Mercado- She's from Florida and is a student. She's an actress (whatever) as well. When she was younger she loved dancing and she remembers when she was kid, hearing her parents sing with all the Oldies. Her and her coaster earrings are going to be singing "Got To Get You Into My Life."
The performance begins with some big horns and Syesha struts her way onto the stage wearing a ripped open shirt that exposes a black tank top. She looks like a domestic abuse victim in all honesty, but her voice is decent. I think this was totally the wrong song for her though. She has that (if I may borrow it from Randy) "big ole' voice" and she can work the power notes like nobody's business. But since this is the case, I wonder why she chose such heavily constrained song that offers little in the way of ad libing and is mostly compiled of rambling low notes that occasionally lead to high belts. She looks kind of awkward on stage, strutting around like a peacock. I am starting to get worried about Syesha...she started off the competition with a bang and really impressed me, but since that first performance, I've begun to forget what she even sang. In a way, it's like her spunk and passion were drained out of her and now she is just singing alright as opposed to really feeling the song and getting into the meaning behind it.
Randy thought it was a little pitchy and that she didn't loosen up at all. Paula thought it was fucked up in the beginning but that she delivered in the last half. Syesha lucked the fuck out, cuz Simon thought it was very very good. You know for damn sure that if Simon had trashed the performance, she would have been gone. Come on S-YES-ha! Show them what you've got!
My Grade: B-
Ramiele Maboobaloo- Like every other Idol, Maboobaloo used to work at a restaurant...blah blah. She basically sits in some back room and packages soy sauce all day and then...when she goes home...SHE SMELLS LIKE SOY SAUCE! HOW CRAZY! She comes from a "musical family" aka her sister plays the guitar and drums. Blah blah...her parents always played music when she was younger...blah...they loved the Beatles...blah. Every single one of these opening videos this week are the exact same thing. Don't care. Don't care. Don't care. Just sing.
So Maboobaloo will be singing "In My Life" which is one of those rare songs that I love to death but I cannot ever listen to because it makes me incredibly depressed and self-reflective. Not only does she start the song too sharp, but it's a weird camera angle at the beginning. She is positioned at the bottom of the pointless spiral stairs to nowhere, looking up at the camera that is angled down at her, which makes her look even shorter and child-like than she already is. She does a very pagenty turn and scales down the steps in huge heels. She is wearing a cute little black dress with one of those hideously large belts that wrap around her torso like a tortilla on a burrito. She stumbles her way to the center of the stage and we see a sickening shot of the audience her are waving their hands like morons and it is all too high school talent show for me. The vocals are decent, but just boring as fuck. Maboobaloo tries to emote every single syllable with such emotional vigor that it seems phony and precocious.
Randy is slick and kind of mean and says that it was "kinda pretty" but also "kinda pretty boring." He thought it was disinteresting and unoriginal. Paula starts her commentary with her calling card: "You look lovely tonight" to which the audience erupts because lord knows there is nothing else about the performance to cheer about. Paula is actually on point tonight, cuz she points out that the bitch is a good singer but that she just isn't doing anything to really utilize the power she has. Simon thinks it's "dreary," "forgettable" and "boring." He thinks she could do much better. Then Randy chimes in another time that it was boring and Maboobaloo is all like, "Jesus Christ, I UNDERSTAND, GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING STAGE ALREADY!"
My Grade: C
Safe?
- Carly Smithson for being a coherently sober version of Amanda.
- Jacuzzi for delivering the best performance of the night (wow...I never thought I would write such a statement).
- Brooke White for fooling the judges into thinking that crying is the same thing as singing well.
In Danger?
- Ramiele Maboobaloo for honestly putting me to sleep with her lazy ass performance.
- Kristy Lee Cook for never finding the beat of her song.
- Syesha Mercado for being content with these middle-of-the-road kind of performances that lack any real star quality.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Top 16 - Gals
So after the guys delivered the goods last night, it's time for the ladies to step it up.
Asia'h Epperson- One time Asia'h was an on extra on a movie...and like, she got SOOO embarrassed cuz she roller skated into a set light something. Ouch!
So after she was told that she wasn't a good enough singer to sing Celine Dion last week, what will she be singing tonight? Whitney ("I Wanna Dance With Somebody")? What the hell. If you can't sing "All By Myself" what makes you think you can take on Whitney Houston and not not mediocre? Well, to her defense, she does a pretty decent job. The up-beat tempo does her good and she has fun and dances is around stage. She still has that off-putting lisp and she's wearing way to much jewelery and the crotch of her pants go on forever, but she belts pretty nicely at the end and delivers a solid performance...light years ahead of the disaster that was last week's performance.
She smiles cutely at the judges and Randy tells her that, get this, he recorded that song with Whitney! Wow. He calls it a "tall order" for her to take on, but she worked it out and it was "hot." Paula was concerned that she picked such a big song. She starts blathering about her being sick...or something. Simon thought it was a 2nd rate performance. Asia'h acts cute and says that she'll be a 2nd rate Whitney, she don't care...mmmmhhmmmm. He also thought she wasn't able to hit all the right notes, but that she is still better than others (aka Katy) and that she will make it into the top 12.
My Grade: B
Kady Malloy- This year's Haley Scarnato was performing at a talent show and she was singing that Christina Aguilera song "Beautiful" (which she ruined...ha!) and then she tripped over some cords and the entire world came crashing down around her in front of the entire audience. HAHA! Not only is that hilarious, but I really really really like Kady's personality...on her videos. She seems kind of goofy and funny and I really wish she was as much fun on stage.
I don't know what she is singing, but like every other song she has picked to butcher, it's boring weird and doesn't go anywhere. Her tone is nice...it's really deep and engaging, but she just has one hell of a fucking time staying on any sort of key whatsoever. Maybe it's nerves, but her voice just goes all over the place. It starts to sound really droning and it's painful and at some shots she looks likes Scarlett Johanson. She belts some note a little sharp and her jagged teeth protruded from her lips and piercing my eyes through the camera. Oh Kady...Why Why WHY did you pick such a lame ass song. I think she attempted singing like an 80's Madonna song, she would have nailed it. UG! HAVE FUN! She then ends the performance by saying "Thank you," and I'm like...no thank for stopping.
Randy points out that the song was bad for her and that out of all the songs from the 80's, this was probably the worst for her. He thought she hit the "big notes well," which she didn't. Paula said that it was her best performance so far, which isn't really a compliment considering she has sucked every single. Simon calls her a stupid robot and then Kady does a rigid little robot arm movement and it's cute and funny and like...BITCH, act personable and warm like that while you're performing. HAVE FUN! Don't be a Stepford "Carrie Underwood" Wife. Then Kady says to Ryan that she doesn't know what Simon meant about being a vapid waste of life on stage to which Ryan asks Simon to clarify, to which Simon says "I've made my point...understand it." OOOOOH! Burn. Simon isn't taking shit from anyone and I love it.
My Grade: C
Amanda Overmyer- Amanda's embarrassing moment is so much shameful or humbling as it is just fucking terrifying and dangerous: one time, she left some sort of fireplace lit on the back porch and it nearly burned down her family's entire house, all while they were asleep. Ah! Amanda! DUI, careless driving and now you're a fire starter?!?
She is going rock (duh) and singing "Hate Myself For Loving You." She comes strutting out wearing those token long-ass rocker scarves and flatter and much better hair this week. She has really great stage presence and there is no doubt that she knows how to get into the song and get the audience riled up. I actually can imagine her at a concert being entertaining and not just a soulless puppet like a lot of Idol contestants. I think she sings well and belts a nice part at the bridge, but I think that the raspy tone of her voice tends to make her pitch seem a little off. Sounds sometimes like more croaking then singing, but more or less, she did well...which is good after last week's terrible disaster.
Randy loved it and thinks that it was perfect song choice. Paula thinks she is "beautiful" and that she has found her niche that she needs to stay boxed into. Simon said it was "fantastic" to which she shyly smiles a little bit and Simon tries to coerce more emotion out of her and it's cute cuz you know she is trying to keep herself from getting all giggly and annoying, which I totally respect.
My Grade: B
Carly Smithson- What is this season's veteran's most embarrassing moment? I don't really understand it, but it has to due with her getting her leg stuck somewhere, followed by her friend coming with butter and oil and lube and slathering it over her body to get her out. Oh...and she was drunk...and a crowd of people were watching. Ew.
I realized that if all the other contestants look like they're 18-22 years old, Carly looks like she is 38. She has a much more dignified mature look to her. She is singing that "I Drove All Night" song and I think it was a wise choice...even though I am sure Simon will disagree. The peppy beat fits her and her goblin face well. She makes some chilling eye contact with the camera and is hot. The song is filled with big belting notes which are Carly's favorite flavor. She does sing the pseudo-whisper verses really well though and then she belts out like a devil from the depths of hell and it rocks.
Randy like threatens to shoot her or something. Paula calls her a "dependable dog" and that there aren't enough adjectives in the world to describe her...ug, doesn't make sense. Simon didn't think she picked the right song because (unlike Asia'h) she is a million times better than the song...which is an awesome compliment. We are then shown a shot of her mom in the audience who looks as though she is about 35. Very pretty. And Carly is the shit.
My Grade: A-
Kristy "Who?" Cook- Ok...so Kristi's embarrassing moment could very well be more disturbing than Syesha's baby voice from last week. All of her seven-year old life was embarrassing, supposedly...because...she thought she was a dog? Ok, so she used to run around on all fours barking at people. That's fine...embarrassing enough. Little kids do goofy shit like that. We don't need to hear more. But she tells us more...much more. She used to drink out of a dog bowl (um...ew) and then she had these Ratatouille mouse friends that she would carry around on her back...um...what? Ew...what? I'm really confused.
She's singing a Journey song ("Forever Yours"?), which is a very odd choice. Her hair is made out of uncooked Ramen noodles and she is wearing a hideous moomoo/kimono with a hideous print. She seems kind of nervous, but in all honesty, I think this might be her best performance so far. She gives the song a nice country twist that really works. I still think she has the weakest voice in the competition, but good for her for proving herself to be more than just a poor man's version of Brooke.
Randy loves dogs and Journey which works out to Kristi's advantage because she is a little bit of both. He pimps the fact that he worked with Journey. The camera pans out and we see that Paula is sitting in Simon's lap. Paula thinks it would be a hit on the country charts (is that hard?). Simon thinks she is forgettable which I totally understand. There are some outrageous personalities this season and they totally drown her out. He thinks, at best, she will make it into the top 10, the fated Jessica Sierra spot.
My Grade: B
Ramiele Maboobaloo- So this girl is the exact opposite of Kady. She is awesome on stage and sings well, but every time she speaks outside of singing, she sounds like she has some sort of mental deficiency...or is at ditsy teen girl, which she is. Her stupid ass embarrassment story has to do with a pink bike, and giving a boy a picture of herself and then getting laughed at. I dunno...her speaking voice is really irritating and she's not cute/endearing/funny. Just sing...please god...sing.
She is singing "Against All Odds" which I think is an absolutely amazing song. Her vocals are very smooth and she has a lot of nice jazzy runs. Aside from her David Cook hair, she looks really pretty. Okay, so she is good, if not a little boring. Halfway through the song she really gets into it and sings with great vindication. I don't have a lot to say. It's good.
Randy thinks she needs to be a little more confident and that she gets a little nervous and reserved about hitting certain notes. Paula says she has a "beautiful face" and that she is really innocent. She then says she has a lot of texture (is she fabric?). Paula starts insulting the audience and it's really really weird. She is drunk and confused and annoying. Simon says it is only because she is little & cute that she is good. "Old-fashioned" and "predictable" get thrown at her via Simon and I totally agree.
My Grade: B+
Brooke White- Her stupid story is about one time when she ran up to a man and hugged him and said she wanted dinner...but guess what! It wasn't her dad. Ug. She's a sweet girl, but she just bugs me with the organic hippie vibe she gives off.
She is singing an acoustic version of "Love Is a Battlefield." She's in the crippled position at the foot of the stage and is wearing what seems to be a jolly rancher as a ring. She sings well and she makes all the right emotional faces and bobs with the beat of the song and shakes her head at just the right time to really accentuate how introspective she is. I dunno...like I said, she is a sweet girl and she sang well, but I really am not digging this flower-child thang. Also, I think by performing this song in such a folky way she kind of killed the passion of that song.
Randy liked that it was stripped down to just a guitar, but thought she brought nothing to it. Paula thought it was a wise choice and wished she had brought the band into it. Simon thinks Paula is full of shit and that it was a great performance because it was so quiet and naked and then he says it was great. I guess it was. Ug...whatever. She's goody-two-shoes and it makes me mad!
My Grade: B+
S-YES-sha Mercado- Her embarrassing moment is basically the same as Maboobaloo with the writing a note to a boy and then he laughed at her. Blah blah.
She is singing that "Saving All My Loving" song that I kind of don't like. She looks beautiful tonight with a short skirt that shows off those legs of hers that go on forever. The performance is all that the song will let it be...which is boring and kind of like a lounge-singer. I think this is a terrible choice of song her...it's way too constricting of a song with a rigid melody that I think hinders her vocals. Every now and then she belts and she gets a little sharp and then starts yelling.
I think that the judges were bitched at for wasting so much time this episode, and the show has only like one minute left, cuz they each only give like one worded responses to her preformance. Randy: "Good. Good." Paula: "Sophisticated. Lovely." Simon: "Predictable, but good."
My Grade: B-
Safe?
- Carly Smithson for making me like her, even though she has a goblin face.
- Brooke White for being the cute innocent forest nymph of the competition.
- Ramiele Maboobaloo for singing a song that everyone sings just as good as anyone else sings it.
In Danger?
- Asia'h Epperson for attempting Celine last week and Whitney this week to only decent results.
- Kristy Lee Cook for not being that memorable.
- Kady Malloy for still being in the competition.
Asia'h Epperson- One time Asia'h was an on extra on a movie...and like, she got SOOO embarrassed cuz she roller skated into a set light something. Ouch!
So after she was told that she wasn't a good enough singer to sing Celine Dion last week, what will she be singing tonight? Whitney ("I Wanna Dance With Somebody")? What the hell. If you can't sing "All By Myself" what makes you think you can take on Whitney Houston and not not mediocre? Well, to her defense, she does a pretty decent job. The up-beat tempo does her good and she has fun and dances is around stage. She still has that off-putting lisp and she's wearing way to much jewelery and the crotch of her pants go on forever, but she belts pretty nicely at the end and delivers a solid performance...light years ahead of the disaster that was last week's performance.
She smiles cutely at the judges and Randy tells her that, get this, he recorded that song with Whitney! Wow. He calls it a "tall order" for her to take on, but she worked it out and it was "hot." Paula was concerned that she picked such a big song. She starts blathering about her being sick...or something. Simon thought it was a 2nd rate performance. Asia'h acts cute and says that she'll be a 2nd rate Whitney, she don't care...mmmmhhmmmm. He also thought she wasn't able to hit all the right notes, but that she is still better than others (aka Katy) and that she will make it into the top 12.
My Grade: B
Kady Malloy- This year's Haley Scarnato was performing at a talent show and she was singing that Christina Aguilera song "Beautiful" (which she ruined...ha!) and then she tripped over some cords and the entire world came crashing down around her in front of the entire audience. HAHA! Not only is that hilarious, but I really really really like Kady's personality...on her videos. She seems kind of goofy and funny and I really wish she was as much fun on stage.
I don't know what she is singing, but like every other song she has picked to butcher, it's boring weird and doesn't go anywhere. Her tone is nice...it's really deep and engaging, but she just has one hell of a fucking time staying on any sort of key whatsoever. Maybe it's nerves, but her voice just goes all over the place. It starts to sound really droning and it's painful and at some shots she looks likes Scarlett Johanson. She belts some note a little sharp and her jagged teeth protruded from her lips and piercing my eyes through the camera. Oh Kady...Why Why WHY did you pick such a lame ass song. I think she attempted singing like an 80's Madonna song, she would have nailed it. UG! HAVE FUN! She then ends the performance by saying "Thank you," and I'm like...no thank for stopping.
Randy points out that the song was bad for her and that out of all the songs from the 80's, this was probably the worst for her. He thought she hit the "big notes well," which she didn't. Paula said that it was her best performance so far, which isn't really a compliment considering she has sucked every single. Simon calls her a stupid robot and then Kady does a rigid little robot arm movement and it's cute and funny and like...BITCH, act personable and warm like that while you're performing. HAVE FUN! Don't be a Stepford "Carrie Underwood" Wife. Then Kady says to Ryan that she doesn't know what Simon meant about being a vapid waste of life on stage to which Ryan asks Simon to clarify, to which Simon says "I've made my point...understand it." OOOOOH! Burn. Simon isn't taking shit from anyone and I love it.
My Grade: C
Amanda Overmyer- Amanda's embarrassing moment is so much shameful or humbling as it is just fucking terrifying and dangerous: one time, she left some sort of fireplace lit on the back porch and it nearly burned down her family's entire house, all while they were asleep. Ah! Amanda! DUI, careless driving and now you're a fire starter?!?
She is going rock (duh) and singing "Hate Myself For Loving You." She comes strutting out wearing those token long-ass rocker scarves and flatter and much better hair this week. She has really great stage presence and there is no doubt that she knows how to get into the song and get the audience riled up. I actually can imagine her at a concert being entertaining and not just a soulless puppet like a lot of Idol contestants. I think she sings well and belts a nice part at the bridge, but I think that the raspy tone of her voice tends to make her pitch seem a little off. Sounds sometimes like more croaking then singing, but more or less, she did well...which is good after last week's terrible disaster.
Randy loved it and thinks that it was perfect song choice. Paula thinks she is "beautiful" and that she has found her niche that she needs to stay boxed into. Simon said it was "fantastic" to which she shyly smiles a little bit and Simon tries to coerce more emotion out of her and it's cute cuz you know she is trying to keep herself from getting all giggly and annoying, which I totally respect.
My Grade: B
Carly Smithson- What is this season's veteran's most embarrassing moment? I don't really understand it, but it has to due with her getting her leg stuck somewhere, followed by her friend coming with butter and oil and lube and slathering it over her body to get her out. Oh...and she was drunk...and a crowd of people were watching. Ew.
I realized that if all the other contestants look like they're 18-22 years old, Carly looks like she is 38. She has a much more dignified mature look to her. She is singing that "I Drove All Night" song and I think it was a wise choice...even though I am sure Simon will disagree. The peppy beat fits her and her goblin face well. She makes some chilling eye contact with the camera and is hot. The song is filled with big belting notes which are Carly's favorite flavor. She does sing the pseudo-whisper verses really well though and then she belts out like a devil from the depths of hell and it rocks.
Randy like threatens to shoot her or something. Paula calls her a "dependable dog" and that there aren't enough adjectives in the world to describe her...ug, doesn't make sense. Simon didn't think she picked the right song because (unlike Asia'h) she is a million times better than the song...which is an awesome compliment. We are then shown a shot of her mom in the audience who looks as though she is about 35. Very pretty. And Carly is the shit.
My Grade: A-
Kristy "Who?" Cook- Ok...so Kristi's embarrassing moment could very well be more disturbing than Syesha's baby voice from last week. All of her seven-year old life was embarrassing, supposedly...because...she thought she was a dog? Ok, so she used to run around on all fours barking at people. That's fine...embarrassing enough. Little kids do goofy shit like that. We don't need to hear more. But she tells us more...much more. She used to drink out of a dog bowl (um...ew) and then she had these Ratatouille mouse friends that she would carry around on her back...um...what? Ew...what? I'm really confused.
She's singing a Journey song ("Forever Yours"?), which is a very odd choice. Her hair is made out of uncooked Ramen noodles and she is wearing a hideous moomoo/kimono with a hideous print. She seems kind of nervous, but in all honesty, I think this might be her best performance so far. She gives the song a nice country twist that really works. I still think she has the weakest voice in the competition, but good for her for proving herself to be more than just a poor man's version of Brooke.
Randy loves dogs and Journey which works out to Kristi's advantage because she is a little bit of both. He pimps the fact that he worked with Journey. The camera pans out and we see that Paula is sitting in Simon's lap. Paula thinks it would be a hit on the country charts (is that hard?). Simon thinks she is forgettable which I totally understand. There are some outrageous personalities this season and they totally drown her out. He thinks, at best, she will make it into the top 10, the fated Jessica Sierra spot.
My Grade: B
Ramiele Maboobaloo- So this girl is the exact opposite of Kady. She is awesome on stage and sings well, but every time she speaks outside of singing, she sounds like she has some sort of mental deficiency...or is at ditsy teen girl, which she is. Her stupid ass embarrassment story has to do with a pink bike, and giving a boy a picture of herself and then getting laughed at. I dunno...her speaking voice is really irritating and she's not cute/endearing/funny. Just sing...please god...sing.
She is singing "Against All Odds" which I think is an absolutely amazing song. Her vocals are very smooth and she has a lot of nice jazzy runs. Aside from her David Cook hair, she looks really pretty. Okay, so she is good, if not a little boring. Halfway through the song she really gets into it and sings with great vindication. I don't have a lot to say. It's good.
Randy thinks she needs to be a little more confident and that she gets a little nervous and reserved about hitting certain notes. Paula says she has a "beautiful face" and that she is really innocent. She then says she has a lot of texture (is she fabric?). Paula starts insulting the audience and it's really really weird. She is drunk and confused and annoying. Simon says it is only because she is little & cute that she is good. "Old-fashioned" and "predictable" get thrown at her via Simon and I totally agree.
My Grade: B+
Brooke White- Her stupid story is about one time when she ran up to a man and hugged him and said she wanted dinner...but guess what! It wasn't her dad. Ug. She's a sweet girl, but she just bugs me with the organic hippie vibe she gives off.
She is singing an acoustic version of "Love Is a Battlefield." She's in the crippled position at the foot of the stage and is wearing what seems to be a jolly rancher as a ring. She sings well and she makes all the right emotional faces and bobs with the beat of the song and shakes her head at just the right time to really accentuate how introspective she is. I dunno...like I said, she is a sweet girl and she sang well, but I really am not digging this flower-child thang. Also, I think by performing this song in such a folky way she kind of killed the passion of that song.
Randy liked that it was stripped down to just a guitar, but thought she brought nothing to it. Paula thought it was a wise choice and wished she had brought the band into it. Simon thinks Paula is full of shit and that it was a great performance because it was so quiet and naked and then he says it was great. I guess it was. Ug...whatever. She's goody-two-shoes and it makes me mad!
My Grade: B+
S-YES-sha Mercado- Her embarrassing moment is basically the same as Maboobaloo with the writing a note to a boy and then he laughed at her. Blah blah.
She is singing that "Saving All My Loving" song that I kind of don't like. She looks beautiful tonight with a short skirt that shows off those legs of hers that go on forever. The performance is all that the song will let it be...which is boring and kind of like a lounge-singer. I think this is a terrible choice of song her...it's way too constricting of a song with a rigid melody that I think hinders her vocals. Every now and then she belts and she gets a little sharp and then starts yelling.
I think that the judges were bitched at for wasting so much time this episode, and the show has only like one minute left, cuz they each only give like one worded responses to her preformance. Randy: "Good. Good." Paula: "Sophisticated. Lovely." Simon: "Predictable, but good."
My Grade: B-
Safe?
- Carly Smithson for making me like her, even though she has a goblin face.
- Brooke White for being the cute innocent forest nymph of the competition.
- Ramiele Maboobaloo for singing a song that everyone sings just as good as anyone else sings it.
In Danger?
- Asia'h Epperson for attempting Celine last week and Whitney this week to only decent results.
- Kristy Lee Cook for not being that memorable.
- Kady Malloy for still being in the competition.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
