Top 12 - Music of the Beatles

So now things are getting very very serious here on American Idol. The prestigious TOP 12 has been decided, and may I say that though I am chock full of criticism and evil things to say about the contestants, I think that this is the most well-rounded and unique group of finalists I have seen on the show so far. A flower child, a nubian goddess, a cheeky rockstar, an Australian hottie, a hippie jammer, an inked bombshell, a child prodigy, a smooth stripper, a skunk haired wailer, a teen pop-starlette, a Ruben-in-training and an old timey country girl are all in this lot this time around and it will be very interesting to see how each of these contestants develop over the next few months. Tonight the producers were able to bribe the Lennon/McCartney song book away from its holders and have it placed in the hands of our finalists. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Only one way to find out. Oh, and also, before each performace, the Idols will be telling us a little something something about where they came from and what kinds of kooky jobs they had before the show! FUN!

note: I wasn't able to watch the show live and my video tape wasn't set correctly so I had to watch all the videos of YouTube...thus explaining why they are out of order.


Amanda Overmyer- So what does Amanda like to do aside from scaring the hell out of the American Idol crowd? She's a sales person/nurse or something. She also loves to ride her Harley Davidson around the dustbowl of a town she lives in. This whole Hollywood thing though? It's a "brand new territory" for Skunk-Hair. I dunno...though she is outrageous in her dress and her voice, I think that she is actually one of the more down-to-Earth contestants this season. There is very little pretense and I feel that she is really here to perform...not just try and get votes. I like her and appreciate her sentiment, even if I do find it incredibly difficult to criticize her voice. And why do I find it hard to critique her voice? Her performance of "You Can't Do That" more than answers that question.

She starts with a growling "Alright!" The song sounds NOTHING like the Beatles song it came from, but unlike David Hernandez, she doesn't overburden it with her own style. Instead, she fully comits to her genre of choice (bluesy rock) and adapts the song to it. My problem with Amanda though is that I have trouble understanding whether or not her voice is really good and different, or if it tends to get a little messy and get off of the pitch. I dunno...it's hard to really decipher notes and her intonation due to the raw nature in which she sings.

Randy thought it was a bar performance...but in a good way. He "loved it." Paula says she looks beautiful, which I guess she does. Her hair is longer this week and aside from the white streaks, it is beautiful. Simon thinks she sounded drunk. In the midst of his criticism though Paula starts blathering about how wrong he is and Simon tells her to "shut up" and Paula gets all sassy back and so does Randy and Simon is totally done with both of them. If he agrees to come back for season 8 I will be shocked. After all this bullshit though, he ends his critique saying that she is a "breath of fresh air" which is true.

My Grade: B+



Brooke White- The Flower Child is next. She is from Arizona and she moved to L.A. to become a musician. She was a nanny prior to Idol and she is grateful to be here. She loves the Beatles (duh), but you know that she actually does love them and has listened to them for hours upon hours on end.

She is seated at a grand piano and starts singing "Let It Be" and from the first note to the last she really sends chills through my body. There is a raw and vulnerable roughness to the performance that is absolutely riveting. She makes effective (but not exhaustive) eye contact with the camera and you can tell that something is really going on inside of her...like when she hits the refrain of the chorus for the third time she starts to shake and get all Stevie Wonder with the song and bob her head and it's great. However, while emotionally jarring and touching, I feel like the quality of the performance is wrongly praised due to her crying. Her vocals are decent, but there are definitely some bum notes and I 100% believe that if she had not cried and made a little scene out of her performance, the song would have been way less powerful.

Randy asks her if this is "a dream come true" for her and she croaks out a yes and it's really moving. She has great "conviction" and that allows her to deliver a heart-felt performance free of extraneous runs and adlibs that would just bog down the beautiful simplicity of the song. Paula thinks America is falling in love with her. Simon thinks it's one of the best of the nice and that it is a "brilliant choice of song." He also calls it "believable" which is a great point...there is zero percent pretension in Brooke and aside from my past opinions of her, I think she definitely delivered it tonight. Now was she as amazing as the judges say she was? I don't think so, but she's a sweet girl and her endeering personality coupled with her decent voice will guarentee her a spot next week.

My Grade: B



Carly Smithson- What did our favorite Irish pub girl do before Idol? She was a waitress. Unique. She used to live in Ireland but three years ago she moved to San Diego...blah blah...whatever. I don't care what she has to say, cuz I am way too enamored with the sound of her voice opposed to what she is actually saying. She says she sings at bars and shit and that she always includes "Come Together" into her set which she will thusly be performing tonight.

The song starts with the well-known wicked bassline. Her voice is totally rock and resembles a more coherent Amanda Overmyer voice. She works the stage like only she knows how to with casual strutting and hip swiveling. She adds a rough Janis Joplin kind of twist to the song and one the chorus comes (and the goblin face makes its appearance), she belts every note like it's no big deal. Her overly defined eyebrows are like crosshairs, targeting the attention of every audience member. However, my one complaint isn't necessarily about Carly, but about the arrangment of the song. Much of it is slow and brooding and creeping, with little full-blown chorus for Carly to rock. I think it didn't allot her the opportunity to really let all of her vocal chops come to the surface, but still one of the best performances of the night.

Randy asked her if the performance felt amazing, and she says it did. "Stellar" gets thrown at her. Paula makes the same fucking comment she has made about Carly every single week so far by saying that she already seems like a professional (which she kind of is). Simon thinks that she picked the perfect song for her, which I don't really agree with, but whatever. Simon then says that the performance was Kelly Clarkson-caliber, to which the audience goes apeshit and Carly's jaw drops to the fucking floor. I absolutely love how Kelly Clarkson's name has become like Idol gold now...like to even be considered in the same category as Ms. Clarkson is the single greatest compliment ever. Ha....I love Kelly...and Carly.

My Grade: A-



David Archuleta- So our favorite little Muppet grew up just outside of Salt Lake City. He has 4 siblings and his parents are from Honduras and Utah. They like dancing and music. Since David is such a teenager, he knows nothing of music before his generation, so he doesn't know a single Beatles song except for "We Can Work It Out" which he will be singing. During the middle of his intro video he stops talking and breaths deeply and says that he is getting stressed out and anxious over the up-coming performance, and it melts my heart. He reminds me of Sanjaya from last season, because just like Papaya, he is very down-to-earth and naturally adorable and generally just a nice kid. However, unlike Sanjaya, he can actually sing, which makes him, in my opinion, one of the front-runners for this season's title.

The performance begins on one of those pointless flights of stairs that are strewn across the stage. His voice is smooth and he dressed real sharp. His hair looks nice and he makes great cute little puppet faces to the camera. He belts a lot and does these slick little runs. He hits a high note in the middle of the song followed by some Danny Noriega head jutting back and forth. Okay, those are the good things. Poor David, this was his worst performance so far. On three separate occasions he messes up the lyrics which is sometimes a fatal blow (see Melissa McGhee and Brandon Rogers) but can other times be a chance to display their showmanship and their ability to overcome a mistake on stage (see Katherina McBulimia). He knows he fucks up and smiles a goofy apology to the audience. Aside from that, he seems completely overwhelmed by the sere magnitude of the new stage and his nerves obviously get to him a little bit. I also found the song to be a little too scattered, with David rarely staying on the melody in exchange for runs and attempts to jazz up the arrangment. I feel for the kid though, cuz I can't even imagine how stressful it must be for him (and for all the contestants) to step out on stage and see all those people and not freeze immediately.

Randy thought it wasn't "on-point" to which all the preteens in the audience scream. Paula plays the resident den mother and says that the world loves him. It's true. Then Simon comes to murder his dreams and says that it was "a mess" and "all over the place." Simon's bitchslap doesn't hurt poor little Archuleta though. He and his muppet voice take the criticism well and simply says "Ok" and "Yeah." Aw...poor kid! He could have fallen flat on his face and burped the entire song and I would still really like him.

My Grade: C+



David Cook- He grew up in a nice town and was a bartender. A part-time musician, he played guitar for tips. We are shown countless shots of David holding a guitar and smashing a guitar and playing a guitar and who cares, we get it now.

He is singing "Eleanor Rigby" and I instantly hate it. His voice is waaaaay too standard modern rock. I feel like I have heard, seriously, like eight separate bands who have front singers just like him. He sings well, but like Amanda, the whol rocker things needs to be dropped once in awhile to show that they have versatility. The chorus rises and falls with what seems like an army of choir singers behind him. David soaks in all the preteen fame being thrusted at him by the audience. I think it will only be a matter of time before this whole rock renovation thing that he is trying to forcefeed us will become stale and boring. His vocals are decent, but I find the arrangement distracting and a little irritating in how "rock n' roll" David tries to convince us it is.

Randy thought it was rough but that it was "rockin" when he hit the chorus. What I don't like is that "Eleanor Rigby" is the kind of song that only should be played softly due to its content and somber atmosphere. It doesn't need crashing guitars and glottal growling to be an effective song. Paula loved it and so did Simon. Everyone keeps complimenting this guy and I can't help but think of how big his ego must be getting and how he seems like he'd be a pretentious self-absorbed prick in real life. Simon makes a funny comment though basically saying that if the contest is about voices, then he's safe. As a popularity contest though, David doesn't stand a chance in hell...which is funny because even if he sings something well, he just doesn't seem to have the frantic fanbases of Archuleta and Castro to give him the popularity needed to win the show.

My Grade: B-



David "Lap Dance" Hernandez- He's from some town in Arizona that Idol winner Jordin Sparxxxxxxx was from. And what did he do there? Well aside from stripping (which is awkwardly left out of this clip), he was a server at Pizza Bistro. He was fired there, probably for inappropriate sausage slicing or something with a sexual innuendo. He was a broadcasting major at some no-name school, which is awesome cuz if he fails to break into the music business via this show, he can always get a job hosting one of those Idol recap shows that get played on the TV guide channel like former losers Matt Rogers and Justin Guarini, or working on the Tyra show like Mikalaha Gordon...or he could become a drug addict/alcoholic like Jessica Sierra and get arrested a bunch of times. The possibilities are endless Mr. Hernandez!

So Mr. FancyPants will be singing "I Saw Her Standing There" which he learned about in some Beatles 101 class he took in school or something. Whatever. He starts on the suicide dive-off plank where an off-pink shirt and a stripper tie and a black vest. He's pretty sharp and he waltzes about and makes sexy eyebrow raising facial expressions to the camera. He then runs down to the audience and pseudo-dances with some sluts in the front row. He makes his way to the stage and does his shimming and makes oogly eyes all over the fucking place. His voice is decent as always, though it gets a little lost in the lower parts of his register. I think he belts well, but it doesn't really fit the song in my opinion. The bridge of the song is a little weird just for the fact that he is belting all over the place and the song isn't really asking for it. A lot of soulful ad libbing takes place at the end and while it sounds nice the song kind of gets crazy and out of line. I still really like this guy, but it doesn't pan out well. Trying to overly complicate such a simple song can be a little distracting, but I must sympathize with not only David, but with all the contestants. Thing is, a lot of Beatles songs are written to be very simply. A basic hook, catchy lyrics and peppy beat is what got America hooked on them. But on the other end of the spectrum are the Idol contestants who are told that they need to jazz up all their performances and make them unique and flavorful...so to do such a thing to songs that are known for their simplicity and their nostalgic appeal I can only imagine is incredibly difficult.

Randy complicates his voice but says that he got a little "lost" in the runs and the twist David put on it. Paula loves him, but thought that he overdid it and that he needed to hold back. "No, No, No" is Simon's reaction. He thought it was corny and "not very cool." He then calls David a "rabbit in headlights" which is weird and then Randy instantly corrects him. David is gracious though and takes the criticism well. Hmm...maybe he isn't the pretentious skeevball I pegged him for. Well, regardless of the song choice, I still think he sounded good on the song and that his voice is one of the most underrated of the competition.

My Grade: B-



Jacuzzi- The New Studdard used to work at LAX as those douchebag security guards that always hold you up checking your bags and forcing you to miss your flight. Jacuzzi was raised predominantly on Nigerian music or something and is surprised that his mom knows of the Beatles. Whatever whatever whatever...I just want to get to the performance, cuz damn! Jacuzzi fucking brings it tonight!

He starts off his performance of "She's a Woman" with this real chill, down south jug band kinda vibe. He's seated at the edge of the stage with three other musicians dressed like hicks playing a violin and a banjo and a tambourine. It's pretty sweet and then the song picks up and the guitar kicks and Jacuzzi fucking lets lose. He hits some massive low notes and then shoots up to high belting wails. He shimmies this way and that and gets literally possessed by the feeling of the song. He does some awesome stuttering and beat manipulation halfway through and it's not just a good vocal, but it's incredibly entertaining. The audience is off their feet and going nuts. The guitars are thrashing, the lights are flashing and Jacuzzi is killing this living shit out of the song. He ends it with this high-ass Luke Menard kind of note and I am blown away. No longer can I label this dude just another Studdard clone. I would have never thought that Jacuzzi would have been the one to blow me away tonight and he really did.

Randy is surprised that he wasn't his usual boring self. The arrangement was "dope" and thought the "chickity chickity chickity" stuttering was amazing. Paula is glad that he took a risk and that being accepted into the Top 12 really pulled him out of his shell. Simon is ashamed to say he actually agrees with Randy and Paula. Jacuzzi freaks out to get a compliment (for once) from Simon. He loves the fact that he looked drunk and that he took control of the stage and that he was "terrific." Jacuzzi pulls a Cuba Gooding Jr. and runs around the stage screaming and Ryan jumps up there and dances around him like a rodeo clown exciting an already wild bull. Ryan then grabs Jacuzzi's head and it's weird and Ryan tries to be hip, but he just looks goofy. Whatever...Jacuzzi was still awesome.

My Grade: A



Jason Castro- Our favorite possible-stoner is currently at some college in Texas where he is studying music. However, he admits that he only failed his music classes, which is odd in itself and even odder in his willingness to share such a detail with us. Like Amanda, he is a little overwhelmed by this whole fame thing. His family is from Colombia and somehow that is segued into his love of the Beatles. He loves the song "Yesterday" though he won't be singing it. Instead he will singing some song called "If I Fell."

He has his acoustic guitar out again. The performance is good, but this kind of thing is getting real played out with Castro. Do something else other than these sensitive, soft-spoken folky songs. And ditch the guitar. His voice is solid as always and he has some really nice vulnerable moments where he goes up into his falsetto. It's cute and endearing, but I must say (and I hate saying this) a little boring.

Randy "liked it" but didn't love it. Like every other song performed this season, this is one of his favorite songs ever. He thought that the changes in the melody were boring and he "tuned out" the performance. Paula totally disagrees. She loves him and she starts saying that she feels his heart...whatever that means? She thinks that he has a great emotional connection with his songs. Simon calls this comment out as the bullshit it is. He thinks it is very "student in a bedroom at midnight." I totally see it. Simon is a "big fan" but thought that it was not nearly as great as last week. Of course he will be safe, but he totally needs to change things up or else his hippie-guitar schtick will go south, just like Chris Daughtry's growling rock thing from two seasons ago.

My Grade: B




Kristy Lee Cook- In her video, Kristy tells us that she grew up in a town of like 5 people and then we are shown her riding horses and boxing and standing in front of cameras. She loves the Beatles and will be taking on "8 Days a Week" and SURPRISE! will be making it a country track. Sounds interesting and possibly promising.

It starts with a bunch of violins (err...fiddles?) in the orchestra and quickly transcends into a pseudo-howdown with Kristy bobbing up and down like she always does to a funky little beat. She is wearing a flattened and fitted disco ball as a shirt and some ripped jeans. I guess it is good...but her voice, like I have always been saying, just isn't as strong as the others in the group. She hits a few really bum notes and seems like she is having trouble keeping up with the rapid percussion. I don't think that this country twist really works on this song. Her voice doesn't really have a chance to belt out any notes or do anything more than mumble along with the orchestra. She tries to do those high-pitched country twang falsettos that artists like the Dixie Chicks play to the hilt, but she doesn't hit the note right and it is a messy conclusion to an unorganized performance.

Randy starts laughing at her...he liked the arrangement and the intention, but thought that all her runs and shit didn't work because there was like no breathing room in the song structure. Everything was so fast-paced that she barely had time to sing the words, forget about jazzing it up with vocal gymnastics. Paula "didn't like it" which is odd considering she liked Danny Noriega. Paula thinks she is trying to fit herself into the country box way too much and that she is conforming TOO much to the role she is obviously supposed to play this season, which is the bubbly blond country girl from the south. Simon calls it "horrendous" which is mean and funny and true. She sounded like "Dolly Parton on helium" which is an accurate perception. He thought it was "brave" but "foolish" and that the song didn't work as a country tune. Agree. Agree. AGREE!


My Grade: C-



Michael Johns- Our favorite Australian hunk reminds us that his accent is genuine and that is actually from Australia. He reminds us that the United States economy sucks and that you can't just play acoustic guitar in your bedroom each night to make a living. He claims to have had every job you can imagine which is intriguingly and I automatically start thinking of something incredible vile. We are then reminded that he loves tennis and he coaches it. We are shown some cute pictures of him as a little boy and then he tells us that something really traumatic happened to him when he was younger and that the song "Across the Universe" helped him through it. AW!

So I really like this song...even though that shitty movie that came out last year that exploited the living shit out of the Beatles catalog, was named after it. I have always loved how the song begins: abruptly and right into the melody. No build-up or anything...the song just gets started like it was in mid-sentence and the mic suddenly got turned on. I love that and Michael starts his version like that too. He makes steamy hot eye contact with the camera. Every now and then he makes uncomfortable constipated faces, but of course he is still blazing. He looks uncharacteristically mad while he sings and he does the evangelical preacher impression, aka shutting his eyes and raising his arms around him like the power of Jesus has just shot itself through his body. I think the performance is a little short and doesn't really go anywhere, but he still has a great voice.

Randy calls it "a little sleepy" which is an accurate assessment. The song didn't really go anywhere and then it ended. Paula thinks Randy is wrong, and no one cares. Simon agrees with Randy and says that Carly ("What's the Irish girl's name?") was brilliant in her revamping of the Beatles song, whereas Michael just kind of boringly sang along. He then accuses Johns of getting to be a little predictable and that he needs to shake things up to keep himself relevant. All valid criticism.

My Grade: B



Syesha Mercado- She's from Florida and is a student. She's an actress (whatever) as well. When she was younger she loved dancing and she remembers when she was kid, hearing her parents sing with all the Oldies. Her and her coaster earrings are going to be singing "Got To Get You Into My Life."

The performance begins with some big horns and Syesha struts her way onto the stage wearing a ripped open shirt that exposes a black tank top. She looks like a domestic abuse victim in all honesty, but her voice is decent. I think this was totally the wrong song for her though. She has that (if I may borrow it from Randy) "big ole' voice" and she can work the power notes like nobody's business. But since this is the case, I wonder why she chose such heavily constrained song that offers little in the way of ad libing and is mostly compiled of rambling low notes that occasionally lead to high belts. She looks kind of awkward on stage, strutting around like a peacock. I am starting to get worried about Syesha...she started off the competition with a bang and really impressed me, but since that first performance, I've begun to forget what she even sang. In a way, it's like her spunk and passion were drained out of her and now she is just singing alright as opposed to really feeling the song and getting into the meaning behind it.

Randy thought it was a little pitchy and that she didn't loosen up at all. Paula thought it was fucked up in the beginning but that she delivered in the last half. Syesha lucked the fuck out, cuz Simon thought it was very very good. You know for damn sure that if Simon had trashed the performance, she would have been gone. Come on S-YES-ha! Show them what you've got!

My Grade: B-



Ramiele Maboobaloo- Like every other Idol, Maboobaloo used to work at a restaurant...blah blah. She basically sits in some back room and packages soy sauce all day and then...when she goes home...SHE SMELLS LIKE SOY SAUCE! HOW CRAZY! She comes from a "musical family" aka her sister plays the guitar and drums. Blah blah...her parents always played music when she was younger...blah...they loved the Beatles...blah. Every single one of these opening videos this week are the exact same thing. Don't care. Don't care. Don't care. Just sing.

So Maboobaloo will be singing "In My Life" which is one of those rare songs that I love to death but I cannot ever listen to because it makes me incredibly depressed and self-reflective. Not only does she start the song too sharp, but it's a weird camera angle at the beginning. She is positioned at the bottom of the pointless spiral stairs to nowhere, looking up at the camera that is angled down at her, which makes her look even shorter and child-like than she already is. She does a very pagenty turn and scales down the steps in huge heels. She is wearing a cute little black dress with one of those hideously large belts that wrap around her torso like a tortilla on a burrito. She stumbles her way to the center of the stage and we see a sickening shot of the audience her are waving their hands like morons and it is all too high school talent show for me. The vocals are decent, but just boring as fuck. Maboobaloo tries to emote every single syllable with such emotional vigor that it seems phony and precocious.

Randy is slick and kind of mean and says that it was "kinda pretty" but also "kinda pretty boring." He thought it was disinteresting and unoriginal. Paula starts her commentary with her calling card: "You look lovely tonight" to which the audience erupts because lord knows there is nothing else about the performance to cheer about. Paula is actually on point tonight, cuz she points out that the bitch is a good singer but that she just isn't doing anything to really utilize the power she has. Simon thinks it's "dreary," "forgettable" and "boring." He thinks she could do much better. Then Randy chimes in another time that it was boring and Maboobaloo is all like, "Jesus Christ, I UNDERSTAND, GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING STAGE ALREADY!"

My Grade: C



Safe?
- Carly Smithson for being a coherently sober version of Amanda.
- Jacuzzi for delivering the best performance of the night (wow...I never thought I would write such a statement).
- Brooke White for fooling the judges into thinking that crying is the same thing as singing well.


In Danger?
- Ramiele Maboobaloo for honestly putting me to sleep with her lazy ass performance.
- Kristy Lee Cook for never finding the beat of her song.
- Syesha Mercado for being content with these middle-of-the-road kind of performances that lack any real star quality.