Top 11 - The Beatles - Part Deux

Okay, so since we didn't hear enough Beatles songs massacred last week, we will once again be revisiting the classic catalogue with a collection of pseudo-decent verging on mediocre performances tonight. This week's "Getting To Know You" video intro for each idol will give the contestants a chance to recount their favorite moment so far in the competition...cuz you know, it would be silly to wait and have this question further on when they've had more moments to choose from. The producers of this show are seriously wacked. Starting us off tonight is...


Amanda Overmyer - In her lame intro video, we are told that Amanda's favorite part in the competition so far has been playing on the "big stage." Duh! Like, since Amanda is such a rocker and is so unconventional, she is only used to playing on flatbed trucks. She's so hardcore! Seriously though, I am a little scared of her. She tells us that she will be singing "Back In the U.S.S.R." and that she is going to "throw some black eyeliner on it" which I take as a terribly unfortunate threat to the poor Beatles song.

Because she is such a rocker, the song begins with Amanda growling at the audience, "are you ready?" with little response from the terrified lambs in the front row who are droned into clapping like a bunch of seals, all at different times ignoring any sort of beat or unity. Amanda is dressed like that annoying goth girl Amy Lee who leads Evanescence. She's wearing this odd black vest that is rather tight and shows off Skunk-Girl's quite manly shoulders/arms. Her singing is as it always is...confusing. I have come to the conclusion that she doesn't really sing as she simply wails along with the band. It works sometimes, but it is definitely getting old. There are times when she "gets really into it" where she starts to shake and almost looks as though she is going to explode. A little nauseating, I start to get really anxious when I watch Amanda and also quite bored. In all honesty, I have a feeling that if you were to play all of Amanda's performances thus far, back to back, the similarity between the songs would be striking and a bit repetitive. Yes Amanda, we know you rock. But does that mean you deserve to be in the competition still?

Randy thought it was the perfect song choice, which I guess is alright. This is one of the most "rocking" Beatles songs out there, so it fits. Though it was pitchy in some parts, he thought it picked up near the middle and kind of redeemed itself. Paula thought she was ahead of the beat, which I don't think could even be true, considering that Amanda doesn't really pay attention to things like timing or melody, rather preferring to just bark and yell over the band. Paula wishes she would do a ballad or something which I agree. I can imagine her doing that Janis Joplin song "Me and Bobby McGee" and I think that it would show a really vulnerable side of her that might be very effective. Simon thought it was predictable and a mess and boring. Amanda tells the judges to fuck off and that she hates ballads and that she refuses to do anything more than the same old shtick we have seen every week thus far. The audience goes nuts at her rebellion and she throws her mannish arms into the air and screams and it's really really frightening.

My Grade: B-


Kristy Lee Cook - So Kristy reflects on how she has been consistently in the bottom two for the past like five weeks, which I think should be a sign that her ass needs to be kicked to the Idol curb. She knows nothing about the Beatles apparently and that she randomly chose "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away" cuz the title was "good." Oh Jesus. She is seriously going to murder the living fuck out of one of my favorite Beatles songs.

The performance opens with the spotlight directly on Kristy and the sparkling curtain she ripped out of Ryan's dressing room to wear as a dress. Her voice reminds me of Stevie Nicks, though not nearly as good or comfortable or genuine or human. Her vibrato is in full force this week and she knows she's the one to go home this week. She constantly blinks her dead eyes to the camera and it's distracting. Her vocals aren't terrible, but then she hits the chorus and even though she plays with the beat of the background vocals in a cool on-and-off dynamic kind of way, as soon as she sings "hide your love away" she completely abandons any melody and just sings some random fucking notes. She seems completely disconnected from the song, like she doesn't even give a shit. Even though she belts the last note very well, she looks as though she has already been voted off and is singing her farewell track. Looking defeated, she's like a Carrie Underwood-Robot only not a good singer.

Randy loves that Beatles song but thought the arrangement was "interesting" aka real shitty. He agrees with me and says that she didn't show nearly enough emotion to make the performance even close to being good. He also calls Kristy out on singing the melody of the song completely wrong. Paula latches onto that comment, but since she is such a nice (drunk) person, she follows it up with how this is "the best she's ever looked," to which I say, "well duh, bitch, you both shopped at the same store." Just to note, Paula is wearing quite possibly the ugliest sparkle-shaking shirt ever made that needs to be sent back to the age of disco, where it was spawned from. Simon thinks she needs some heavy brain hypnotizing...cuz she is a terrible performing. He calls her wallpaper, and then says that she's only memorable when she's absolutely terrible, to which Paula bursts out into laughter. Ha! Kristy then says that she will "blow you [Simon] out of her socks," and every one's minds go to the gutter and everyone laughs and Kristy realizes she just offered to blow Simon on national television. Good luck tomorrow night girl.

My Grade: C


David Archuleta - So every one's favorite Muppet is still adorable. His most memorable moment was when he forgot his lyrics last week...AW! I feel bad for David, cuz he is such a sweet kid, but rumor has it that he has a terrifyingly controlling stage-father who like sits in on all his rehearsals and yells at him and makes him cry! NO! Get your hand out of my Muppet David's ass! Anyway, in the video he also tells us that he will be singing "The Long and Winding Road" and he and his awkward eyebrows smile and giggle and I can't get over how damn precious this kid is. He hopes he remembers all his lyrics this week :giggle:...AW!

He is sharply dressed in a nice suit jacket and his hair is all jostled about. He is instantly on the second he second he hits the stage. There is not much to say about the performance. It's really great. A sea of annoying waving hands lay out before David. The puppet emotes the living fuck out of the song and swells with the big notes and comes back down perfectly with the low notes. He finishes and gets a standing ovation from the audience. The camera gives a quick shot to David's father who looks big-armed and threatening clapping his monstrously huge hands together.

Randy, who by the way is wearing some coral shell bracelet, thought that David was back on his A-game today, though he could have afforded to jazz it up a little more. Paula blathers about purity and rising above adversity and cocaine and ponies and colors and I'm not listening. Simon thought it was "amazing" to which the entire audience of high school girls SCREEEEEAAAAAAM. It was a "master class."

My Grade: B+


Michael Johns - Michael and his hideous brimmed hat tells us that he was proud of himself in Hollywood week for singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" and actually being praised by Simon. He informs us that he will be singing "A Day In the Life" and prefaces his performance by telling us that it was difficult to cram such a long song (6 minutes) into only 1 minute, which is an instant red flag to me.

The performance starts slow and he strolls to the front of the stage in his Michael Johns kind of way. He is dressed with a loosened tie and his shirt sleeves rolled up like he is unwinding after a long day at the office. The problem he mentioned in his video becomes apparent when the song shifts from the slow kind of solace beginning to the jumpy middle section that is beckoned in by a ringing bell and a change of tempo. This song is way too grand of a track to be condensed for American Idol, and I think his performance really suffers from this fact. It feels like a poorly put together collection of three separate songs, that don't really mesh well with one another. Michael's vocals are strong, especially when he wails, but the arrangement is weird to the point that it is distracting. It also doesn't help that the camera man thinks it is a good idea to spin around Michael like fifteen times, making me not only confused by the performance but also dizzy and nauseated. Also, Michael is prone to making these hideous moaning "oh" faces with his eyes shut and his mouth slacked open and head cocked upward like his basking in some glorious rays of holy sunlight.

Randy thought it wasn't one of his best. He has that "big ole' voice" and hasn't yet found a song to really display it. Paula claims that it's the monitors in the contestant's ears that can mess them up...which doesn't really make sense, especially since a) the shitty arrangement of the song would still be terrible regardless of whether there was anything in Michael's ears or not and b) we later discover that he doesn't have the hearing receivers in his ears, so there is no excuse...so shut up Paula. Simon thinks she's drunk and refuses to believe that phony excuse. He thought it was a mess and overly complicated and that Michael really needs to "start sorting" himself out. I agree. I feel like both Michael and Jason have been coasting on the strength of their earlier performances. You can sing, boy! Now find a song that really let's you do it!

My Grade: B-


Brooke White - Ryan calls Brooke "the sweetest person alive" and I believe this statement to be true...which I think may be one of the reasons why I sorta am put off by her. She is too innocent and cutesy. She obviously picks her cry-fest last week as her most memorable moment so far on Idol and that she is overwhelmed about this week and attempting to follow-up the critically acclaimed "Let It Be" from last week. She is performing "Here Comes the Sun" of course.

She starts singing crippled on the pointless stairs. She is wearing some sort of hideous multi-layered crepe-like yellow dress. Everything on stage is yellow and it's so predictably bright and shiny that I start to feel sick to my stomach. She stands up and head to a mic stand in the middle of the stage, but not before attempting to be overly endearing and twirling around like a ballerina while letting out a playful "woo!" that makes me cringe. Her vocals are alright, but everytime she does the token "do do do do" part of the song, she sounds real goofy and uncomfortable. The beautiful sunchild awkwardly dances around the mic stand like she's in some drug-induced state of euphoria. Her arms keep jutting out to the sides and she is swiveling around attempting to flair out her dress ("Stop trying to make your dress twirl! You look like an asshole!" - Sam). She then starts to hit some really bad bum notes and all the sparkling teeth in her mouth can't salvage this cheese-fest.

Randy makes embarrassing note of the "woo" and the shitty dancing. "Awkward" is how he describes the performance. She looks crushed upon hearing his criticism and begins aggressively agreeing with every single thing Randy says. Randy says that she never really connected to the song. I agree. Paula "can't help but smile" when she sees her and then lies and says that she has a great low tone...no she doesn't. Simon calls it "terrible" and "wet" (?). Brooke starts interrupting him from the get-go and tries oh-so-hard to jump in and say that she knows and agrees and blah blah blah. Just let him talk. Brooke then yells "LISTEN!" and awkwardly shuts up the judges to say something unimportant. More bantering takes place and all I keep thinking is that Brooke is slowly loosing her mind. She has done this before..the second any negativity comes her way, she starts to rattle on and on and on about nothing, in what seems to be an attempt to accept the negativity and move on past it as soon as possible. She needs to chill out.

My Grade: C+


David Cook - ...or Mr. Chowder as my house mates and I like to inexplicably call him. His most memorable moment so far was last week when Simon said he could win the show. He then talks about being a rocker and is self-indulgent and it's a little pretentious. He will be singing "Day Tripper."

Of course he has guitar in tow and he starts the performance with a strong guitar lick. There are two mic stands in front of him and I am confused. Even though he has those obnoxious rocker facial expressions down pat and his air looks like it hasn't been washed in seven weeks. His voice at times reminds me of the lead singer of Fuel, which is a good thing. Mr. Chowder's voice is very strong and sturdy and hits the low notes perfectly, but there is just something slightly off-putting by his whole uber-hardcore style. Like...the hair...the all black...the guitar...the loosened tie around his neck...it all feels just oh so formulaic. Regardless though, he sings extremely well and belts and does all the shit I expect him to. At times he sounds like he is saying "gay stripper" and I begin to think that the performance is dedicated to David Hernandez...cute. Halfway through he moves over to the other mic stand and starts using one of those voicebox tube things that always make an artist seem ten times more musical than they actually are.

Randy thought it was "solid" and offered variety. I agree...David's performances always have multiple elements that keep him fresh. Paula things he is ready to sell records...and unlike many of the other contestants, his voice seems to be radio-ready. Simon thought it "wasn't as good as you [he] thought it was." He thinks David has lost his element of surprise, which I think is a lie. Simon didn't like how "smug" he was and I totally get it. Then Ryan flirts like he will use the voicebox but then he doesn't and he's a LAME-O!

My Grade: B+


Carly Smithson - So her and her cute accent's favorite moment was last week when Simon said that she was Kelly Clarkson. She will be singing "Blackbird" and I am very apprehensive cuz this song is so so so mellow and quiet and I don't know if Carly will be able to do it justice with her (if I may, Randy) "big ole voice."

And I think I am right. In all honesty, her voice is just waaaaaay too big for the song and its limitations. There aren't a lot of opportunities for her to belt or really showcase her voice. Of course, her tone is wonderful and for once she goes really look like a goblin this performance. Her eyes are piercing and her hair is beautiful. Her dress is absolutely hideous, but whatever...bitch can sing. She looks kind of like a Kindergarten teacher (says Christina) singing her class to sleep and the entire audience is waving their hands back and forth.

Randy thought it was very cool..."cooliosous"? Paula loves the arrangement, the performance and the entire season. She then gives her an F...which means Fantastic...not Failure. Simon thought it was retarded to pick that song. "Indulgent" flies out of his mouth...and Carly starts doing the one thing I really really really hate which is when a contestant starts to explain their connection to the song as if it validates a mediocre performance. But she was good...the song just didn't fit her. Then Randy says something about cream cheese.

My Grade: B


Jason Castro - He was thrilled to sing "Hallelujah" a few weeks ago even though he hit a bum note at the end. Castro is mad goofy and doofy and oofy. He laughs at awkward moments and doesn't really know what he is saying most of the time. He starts blathering about the origins of "my bell" or something I dunno. He explains how he had to learn French to sing the song, which I think deserves some sort of praise. I also think that this song will fit him like a glove.

He is wearing the tightest parents in the entire world. He smiles like a goofball and starts to look like some sort of animated character. Maybe Castro was created by the Jim Henson puppet workshop along with Archuleta. His singing is decent...if maybe just a little boring. He is guitarless this week which has left him to just walk around on stage waving his arms around listlessly and it is a little a awkward. He doesn't feel completely connected with the song, or even that thrilled to be performing. He has a nice voice, but I am beginning to realize that it is one of the (dare I say) weaker ones in the competition. He is a good performer, but just focusing on his voice, it's a little frail. He stares dreamily into the camera and plays with he dreads and is endearing.

Randy just thought it was "interesting" aka bad...and said that it was a little too subdued for him. Castro starts blathering about something and Randy indulges him. Paula thinks the female population of the world wants to sleep with him. She also, surprisingly, makes a great point and says that he always seems disconnected when he leaves his guitar. Simon thinks the producers are retarded for doing this Beatles two weeks in a row, since last week was good, and this week is mediocre at best. Simon also says that Jason should be glad that this is a television show...not a radio show. Basically, he thinks that he emotes the song well with his handsome face and goofy smile. His vocals are kind of sliding I think. My both of my two favorites from earlier this season (Castro and Johns) really need to step it up and show something different formidable...with people like Jacuzzi and David Cook coming to the forefront of the competition, they really need to keep themselves relevant. There's only so far a kooky hairstyle can get you!

My Grade: B-


Syesha Avocado - First off, she looks beautiful this week. Her hair is straightened and she has this earthy-toned summer dress on and she looks much older and much more dignified. She remembers Hollywood week, but she is more haunted by last week when she was in the bottom three. She reflects on how she thinks it gave her a kick in the butt to do better, and I totally agree. She is going to be singing "Yesterday" because she remembered singing it in one of those middle school Beatles medleys that every single school district puts on to appease their hippy-turned-business parent's younger selves.

She is seated on a stool looking humble and fragile and there is this little man next to her playing the acoustic guitar. Her face is absolutely stunning and she really fucking works the hell out of this song. She belts midway through and is incredible. She tries to do the Mariah Carey whistle-falsetto, and only half does it. Aside from that little squeaky mess, I think that this performance is her strongest so far and that it is genuine and moving and like Brooke's performance last week...only not irritating.

Randy thought it was a "very...very...VERY good performance." Paula loves the vulnerability and the guitar player Paul. Paula wants her to connect with the audience more. Shut up Paula! Simon thought it was her best...not incredible...but the best song choice this nice. He compares her to Eva Cassidy and then says that Brooke should have sang this song instead of that terrible sunshine mess from earlier this night. Is she safe? Simon thinks so. WAY TO GO S-YES-sha!

My Grade: B+


Jacuzzi - I'm curious to see if this guy will deliver another stellar performance, since he seriously kicked everyone's ass last week. He loves Hollywood and we are shown a video of him running around on stage yelling which is then tied into his performance last week and how he bugged out after Simon called him "terrific." He then more or less threatens Ryan Seacrest to not touch his face ever again. His favorite Beatle? John Lennon. Real original. But Jacuzzi isn't so predictable, he will be singing a Paul McCartney song, and since everyone else seems to be playing an instrument this season, he said that he is gonna try to as well.

He starts singing some sort of R.Kelly remix of the song with his milky smooth vocals and it's okay...if maybe a little too mellow for my taste.......oh wait...what? Nevermind? He rips out a harmonica and plays it and I don't know how I feel about it. Like...if he hadn't had mentioned in the video that he was picking up a random instrument and playing it during his performance, I would have liked it more, but since it is already prerevealed that he will be butchering the song with a myterdy instrumet, when it finally happens and I less than impressed. He then starts channeling the Jacuzzi from last week and does the soulful rocker wailing that made last week's performance incredible. He starts to sing low and kind of sounds like Bill "Puddin' Pop" Cosby for a few seconds. He ends the performance with the harmonica, and in all honesty, even though he sings (very) well, I found the whole performance quite gimmicky and predictable.

Randy thought there were good and bad parts. The slow beginning was bad, the up-tempo middle was good and the harmonica was really weird. Paula thinks Jacuzzi is "showing who he is"... which she has said 437 times so far this eason. Simon thought it was going fine until the amauterish harmonica...then it turned into the "Achy Breaky Heart"...haha. It felt like a howdown. And then Simon calls it "Gimmicky" and I pat myself on the back. Yes!

My Grade: B


Ramile Maboobaloo - She loves all the friends she has made! She calls Brooke her den-mother and David her big brother and we are shown her hugging everyone in the world and making that annoying "oh-low" sound she constantly keeps doing in an attempt to be cute.

She is singing "Should Have Known Better" and right from the beginning it is a mess. Jacuzzi is on the harmonica in the background and the song just kind of strums along without any real emotion. She is dressed like Asia'h Epperson (remember her?) and looks a little plump and she smiles goofy at the audience. Her vocals are kind of off throughout the entire performance. She has out of place weird belting that doesn't work. She seems only a quarter dedicated to the song, with the other three quarters feeling awkward and out of place.

Randy thought it was just "eh." Paula says that it was much better than last week and thinks that she should only sing ballads cuz the upbeat shit isn't working. But then when she does sing ballads, she is boring as fuck. So basically Maboobaloo...GO HOME. You don't fit in anywhere and all your goofy sounds and spunky teen personality can't put you above the rest of the competition...well maybe Kristy. But she's an (untalented) singing robot, so that's not hard. Simon thought that Jacuzzi was on harmonica, which he means as an insult, and Maboobaloo knows he means it as an insult, which is hilariously awesome. He thinks that everyone chose mediocre songs this night that did nothing for their voices. Paula tries to do damage control and yells out "but you're a great singer!" Haha...come on Paula..."great?" Really? Maybe "not shitty...sometimes" but definitely not "great."

My Grade: C+


Safe?
- David Archuleta for still being the lovable scamp America wants him to be.
- David Cook for deliver another solid rock-remix of a classic song.
- Carly Smithson for being Carly Smithson.

In Danger?
- Kristy Lee Cook for being a malfunctioning Underwood-bot.
- Brooke White for being so sugary sweet that she gives America cavities.
- Maboobaloo, just because.